Why are chasidishe weddings so expensive?

asmileaday

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 11:57 am

nchr wrote:

Every Chosson and Kallah should pay for their own weddings (with gemach money) and pay it off themselves. That would cut costs and also tremendously reduce parents' burdens.

While ideal in theory it can't work in the chassidish world where kids get married at age 18-19 with no prior work experience.

crust

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 12:04 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

Not true.
Mine was real flowers from the night before. We split the cost and the florist came back the day of my wedding to change out/ fix the ones that had gotten unfresh.
I hated my flowers. The ppl from the wedding before us changed it without telling us.... it was so colorful. It was supposed to be more of a whitish peachy tone.....

Re pictures. We had Judy nissen and someone from her studio at the men. Till after dancing. (The men I think only part of dancing.)

I guess we are talking about two different takanah halls.
The one I'm referring to does not have the option of real flowers period.
They don't have cameras installed taking pictures either.

There is no choosing of photographers. If you want one you take one that they have in their plan. If you dont take a photographer then you get a few hundret dollars credit.

crust

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 12:11 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

Majority of chassidish ppl wear synthetic so it's less than 1k.
And some gown places offer head pieces for $100 if you take the gown there.

Mine personally costed $150 and was custom made by some guy on the back of a fabric store. My mother sold it afterwards for $150. So it costed us zilch. Smile

Even when my parents were super rich, weddings were according to normal community standards. Not the higher community standards even though they could easily afford it. It was just a shood the gelt.

I know quite a few people like that. Some poeple have brains. Others don't.

You wore 'upgebinden'? I think that poster was referring to that. That cant really be made by some guy in the back of a shop lol.

It is a costume made hat type of thing that needs to fit exactly on the head and cover all the hair.

As for sheitels- does someone come to do your shietel or makeup for you? Ok. Lets not talk about you specifically.
Lets talk about the majority. The majority will end off paying 1k for everything total.

People that do the upgebinden thing don't usually have these expenses because they dont use a make up artist...
And I doubt all of them pay 1k for an upgebinden headpiece. Highly unlikely.

Tzutzie

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 12:25 pm

crust wrote:

No I wore a headpiece/crown. But it wasn't a crown style.

We call it all a headpiece.

My niece wore one. It's her family tradition. I highly highly doubt it was 1k.

I did do makeup. (Ps it was the only time someone did my face and I HATED it. She was really nice and tried to make it according to my style but it felt so fake. She was the one who helped me with my sheitel too)

amother

Crimson

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 12:41 pm

crust wrote:

I worked with a rebbish girl who's headpiece as $2,000! Her mother was hoping to sell it after. The thing is, it's a custom made piece to fit your head, so I'm not sure how one sells it. She said that she was embarrassed to wear this headpiece but knew that there wasn't any option, so that's why they put so much money into it, to try to make the kallah feel prettier. IMO, after seeing her in that thing, she could've worn a plain white turban with pearls on it and it would have looked the same. Some people don't look good in that thing.

crust

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 12:55 pm

Crimson it can be refitted. Like altering a dress sort of.

As for the comment that she could've worn a turban- I dont think so and I dont think its our place to judje how much she spent on attempting to look good on her wedding day while keeping her tradition. Its complex and very often it costs much more to accomplish that.

I don't have to follow or understand that tradition but we can at least try to respect it.

amother

Crimson

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 1:02 pm

amother wrote:

Amother crimson, I've seen many kallah's look absolutely gorgeous in their upgebinden headpiece. It depends how you do it, there are all types of styles.

I agree. I have friends that looked stunning in them. But in this case after she spent $2,000 I expected her to look beautiful in it too. They spent the money on the fabrics and trimmings. She had more fittings for the head piece than she had for the gown.

honeymoon

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 1:15 pm

asmileaday wrote:

While ideal in theory it can't work in the chassidish world where kids get married at age 18-19 with no prior work experience.

Many of my friends paid for their own wedding with the money they made working for a year or two. It obviously didn't cover the entire wedding but definitely helped their parents avoid debt.

amother

Brown

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 2:31 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

This!

I say this all the time.
It's ok to treat a child once in a while. But the general standard is crazy!

I even have a theory about it. Lol.

In the general population in the world, people live in neighborhoods they can afford. There are high income, low income, super rich, poverty....

By us, we all live together. Close to a shul. And within the same community.
And our kids go to the same school. And of course they want to fit in, and have all the nicer stuff they see the rich kids have.
It's a lot easier to just give in than to teach our kids otherwhise.

(That's one of the great things of living were we currently are living. We're all in the same boat here. We all came here for affordable homes, privacy and to kick community standards)

I grew up in a nonjewish neighborhood and went to public school ( didn't grow up frum). My brother is married to a nonjewish lady and the kids go to public school. Back then in my school and neighborhood and now in their school and neighborhood there's different kinds of people. Some very rich and some on welfare. Some own the apartment building and some rent there. Of course some people are jealous of the rich kids. But my father told me he won't buy me the brand name stuff that my rich friend has because he thinks it's unnecessary. And that was it. I was upset for a while and then I got over it.
In the frum world one is conditioned to be exactly like everyone else. We vacation at the same places, wear the same clothes, buy the same engagement gifts..

ectomorph

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

Would you mind sharing the takunes and the overall cost?

I think it came to 12k all inclusive. That includes very few gifts which maybe came to 1k and my gown was 1k.

I'm not very into this stuff and let my parents decide everything. My one request for more guests was denied. (Not for meal) Still annoys me but I had a great time and that's what counts.

I don't even know if music was real or if flowers were real...

pause

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 2:46 pm

Crust, people don't pay 1000 for a sheitel for the wedding. They pay 1000 for a sheitel which they will wear after they are married too. Unlike a white headpiece which is an expense just for one night. As for the having the sheitel macher put it on after the chuppa, that costs nowhere near 1k.

ectomorph

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 2:59 pm

gande wrote:

The wedding is the cheapest thing by the chassidim. It's the clothing, alterations, wigs, gifts, expensive linen, setting up the house with italian furniture.... that costs at least triple.

u get the furniture set for 1-2k. Linen was 150. Clothing is expensive but varies by person. Sheitels are getting cheaper

amother

cornflower

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 3:25 pm

ectomorph wrote:

u get the furniture set for 1-2k. Linen was 150. Clothing is expensive but varies by person. Sheitels are getting cheaper

I got married 11 years ago. My bed linen was $2200! No how can you buy the standard furniture for 1 - 2k. You can't even get a dining room table for that price never mind chairs.

How are you going to furnish an apartment that has a kitchen table and chairs, a bedroom set, couches, a dining room table and chairs, a hutch, bookcases, and a couch for 1 -2 k?

crust

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 3:39 pm

amother wrote:

$2200 in bedlinens? Couches? A hutch?
Are we talking about Patotzki here? Smile

amother

cornflower

Fri, Dec 21 2018, 3:57 pm

crust wrote:

$2200 in bedlinens? Couches? A hutch?
Are we talking about Patotzki here? Smile

$2200 was just for 3 sets of bed linens, two bed skirts and the throw pillows were a gift. I already had down comforters.

My friend just got married. She got 6 sets of bed linens. She got a kitchen table for 6 which is too big for her apartment. She got a chandelier which is also too big for her apartment. She got what she will need for the next decade.