Why are chasidishe weddings so expensive?

amother

Blush

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 10:55 am

amother wrote:

$2200 was just for 3 sets of bed linens, two bed skirts and the throw pillows were a gift. I already had down comforters.

My friend just got married. She got 6 sets of bed linens. She got a kitchen table for 6 which is too big for her apartment. She got a chandelier which is also too big for her apartment. She got what she will need for the next decade.

That's ridiculous, unless the couple is rich.

A young couple needs one set of linen. Two if they have a guest room.
No one needs bed skirts and throw pillows if the parents are going into debt over it (who even uses bed skirts anymore????)

Tzutzie

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 4:08 pm

Smart people will find a way to make life simpler and less $$$.
For example, take same sister I mentioned earlier.

When her kids stop growing and get older (think 17, 18) whenever she buys something more expensive she makes sure it isn't only for teens but can also be worn as an adult. (Not talking about basic school clothes).

Same for shabbos dresses, chasunas. So when her kids get married, there isn't shopping for many things.
She buys them a nice elegant coat, hats, sheitels.... all that stuff. And if they need to buy anything new for the first year (isntead of being on a tight schedule to buy everything before wedding) She buys it then. And then she so buys her daughters maternity stuff when they need it....

You don't need to have a couch when you get married. Neither a hutch.

The biggest expense I think if setting up the apt.
Dining room set, bedroom sets, linens and kitchen stuff.
The standard for Italian furniture is crazy imo!

ectomorph

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 4:46 pm

amother wrote:

I got married 11 years ago. My bed linen was $2200! No how can you buy the standard furniture for 1 - 2k. You can't even get a dining room table for that price never mind chairs.

How are you going to furnish an apartment that has a kitchen table and chairs, a bedroom set, couches, a dining room table and chairs, a hutch, bookcases, and a couch for 1 -2 k?

u got very expensive linen. Mine was cheaper. 150. Includes full size and twin size sheets pillowcases and quilt covers. No straight sheets. Got towels from target.
Target lasted fine. ..

U get1 couch table 6 chairs 2 beds and a night table for 1.5 k. Its called the Lakewood set. Ask for it in any frum furniture place. Negotiate it.
No one needs a hutch when they are newlywed. I still dont have one and I plan on never getting one.
Bookcases we got used off Craigslist for free

Im yeshivish and plenty of ppl in my circles did the same. Another poster here got the same set as me - Ill ask her to chime in.

ectomorph

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 4:47 pm

amother wrote:

Wow! It's mindboggling.im glad that in chbaad there is no such standards for setting g couple up in apt. Couples are expected to figure it out on their own. Ie: buy on kijiji, use wedding gift money... Ect.

Some ppl here are from more well to do homes. I believe my post is more standard for families who aren't well off and dont get tzedaka.

amother

Sienna

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

Just as the chassidim have their social norms, so do the non chassidim. They support their couples in Israel, make over the top weddings, wear stunning long wigs worth thousands, they go to pesach hotels which are sponsered by the parents.... every community has their quirks. And you'll see bugaboo strollers in every community, not just chassidish.

Lol.

Aside from supporting the couple (and not necessarily in Israel), none of these are social norms in the yeshivish community.

ectomorph

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 6:55 pm

amother wrote:

Lol.

Aside from supporting the couple (and not necessarily in Israel), none of these are social norms in the yeshivish community.

You are correct
I am yeshivish. I have lots of sisters and brothers in law... None have ever gone to pesach hotel and most live very very simply (& take pride in that)

ectomorph

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 7:47 pm

dankbar wrote:

So which is more expensive? Setting up home like by chassidish? Or giving lifetime support for long term learning?

very few do life time support. Usually 2-4 years. And if girl is working support is just a supplement

One of my friends gets support. $200 a month. Not exactly enough to cover expenses.

ectomorph

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 7:48 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

Was just going to say this. Living in BP, I know only a handful of people who wear synthetics.

now people are ordering from ali express... Way way cheaper. Prices are going down.
Edit. Not for a first sheitel but for later ones.

amother

Mustard

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 7:51 pm

dankbar wrote:

So which is more expensive? Setting up home like by chassidish? Or giving lifetime support for long term learning?

Lifetime support by parents for long term learning is very rare. It's only done by those who truly have the money to do so.

amother

Apricot

Sat, Dec 22 2018, 10:29 pm

amother wrote:

Who needs all that stuff to start out?

I come from different circles, but we started out in a studio apartment in student housing. We had room for 2 beds, 2 night tables, 3 bookshelves that acted as a wall to separate our "bedroom" (one of which had a storage area on the bottom), 1 table with 6 chairs so we could have guests, 1 desk and office chair, 1 extra freezer low enough that I could light my candles on it, 1 microwave cart to save counter space in the tiny kitchen, and 1 set of shelves/drawers for bathroom storage. Most of that came from Ikea.

We only got a couch when we moved into a house 3 years later, which we were able to afford because we lived very frugally during that time. Rent on our studio apartment was $350 a month. We slowly bought ourselves the furniture we really needed to furnish out new home. I'm married 15 years already and I still don't have a proper bedroom set or bed skirts. I do appreciate quality linen though, as long as it's easily washable and doesn't need ironing.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 23 2018, 12:39 am

ectomorph wrote:

The linen was ridiculous. I was talked into it because "everyone" does it. I was with my friend. Between her, the sales lady, and DH, I was swept along.

Where do you put the all the silver? Most newlyweds have enough silver that they need a place to store the silver.

Did the Lakewood special hold up? How are the mattresses?

Rappel

Sun, Dec 23 2018, 12:45 am

dankbar wrote:

Every community has their quirks. So you started out with the bare minimum but someone had to pay both of your college studies.

Well, there's an offensive assumption.

You know, some of us work to afford our lifestyles, including education?

amother

Brown

Sun, Dec 23 2018, 1:07 am

amother wrote:

IKEA my dear.
Our couch was 400 (on sale)
Our bed including mattresses 450
I made a headboard which cost 40 including all the material
Lamps all together 190
Curtains 30 each
Linens 20 each
Table with 4 chairs form Ikea is 100
I upholstered the chairs myself (additional 6 bucks for each chair)

You can buy paint and accessories and make the furniture look more individual. I like our furniture and I would never have let my father pay 2000 dollars for linens!!!

dankbar

Sun, Dec 23 2018, 1:27 am

Rappel wrote:

Well, there's an offensive assumption.

You know, some of us work to afford our lifestyles, including education?

I never said that it's not self earned. I don't think you are chas vsholom ganvening the money. At end of day someone is paying for that....either parent or child.....thats a whole lot of money. The people are condemning why in chassidishe circles does the girl need to set up house before marriage, which either gets paid by parents or the girls money she earned goes towards the expenses of marrying her off. I believe college is even more expensive.

I never said you shouldn't do it...its a good investment....im just trying to say that every community has different expenses before marriage. Either support or college or setting up home.

Btw many chassidishe moms have to work too to marry off their kids