What's your big challenge in Life??? HUGS!

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:23 pm

Zehava wrote:

I feel unqualified to post in this thread of challenges, some of which I share, some of which I can’t imagine facing and staying sane.
My life started out bittersweet, continued on to be quite bitter, and then turned very sweet.
Yes there is still a rollercoaster of challenges. I already know that whenever there’s a period of calm, chaos will probably follow. That’s life. We battle through the storms, we smile up at the sun when it comes out. It’s the only way to be happy.
You can have the most objectively charmed life but if you focus on what goes wrong you will be a stressed mess. I know too many people like that. And if you breathe through the pain and look for the great moments you can get through almost anything. Hugs to you all.

This.
and this:

Dankbar wrote:

I have so many challenges, which I won't list here. I try to focus on the positives instead of dwelling on the pain

I can post many of the challenges people listed in the last few pages. though I try not to dwell on them. yes, there is one very big one that takes up a lot of our time and emotional energy. but the other things- all part of life's package and b'H for that.
You know what they say? best is a bunch of little problems... because that means you don't have a big one to focus on...

Last edited by amother on Wed, Jan 02 2019, 9:28 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:32 pm

Dont have a good relationship with husband, dont have many friends and lost my mom some years ago, miss her a lot
I thing my husband have asperger, he tries to be a good husband but really cant connect...
Feeling very alone...

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:40 pm

amother wrote:

I was just diagnosed with breast cancer after having non Hodgkin's lymphoma for many years I am just depressed at the thought of dying and not having my grandchildren remember me! I also probably can't work while in treatment as a single woman how am I going to be able to sapport I currently barely have enough money to pay my bills! Trying to keep my spirits up!

You can file for disability and you will receive a check on a regular basis for the time period that you cannot work.
Please look into this ASAP so you can begin treatments with peace of mind.
May Hashem send you a refuah shelaima and many years of nachas.

amother

Brown

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:47 pm

amother wrote:

Seems like very little compared to a lot of these challenges. But I live far away from my family in a big community and have not managed to make friends or feel apart of any social group in any meaningful way. We live a bit out of the way. My husband davens by random places and is not particularly concerned about whether those shuls will provide us with any social connections. It's more than just not having friends. It's a sense of feeling so totally unconnected to anything and almost like I'm just drifting through life. I'm so totally connected with my kids and husband. But, I need more.

Amother cerise I could have written this. It was brave of you to write. You probably felt this is nothing compared to all the pain, loss of loved ones, sickness, people wrote about. I know I have to be grateful every day for what I do have but what we're going through is hard. Like your dh mine does what he can to make social connection harder not easier. I know exactly what you mean about that unconnected feeling. I've been working on finding my way on my own and it's not easy but I feel like I'm taking baby steps. I hope you find your way to a better place too.

amother

Olive

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 3:55 pm

Oh so many, where do I start?

simba

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 3:58 pm

BH I am not dealing with any major challenges right now and for that I am grateful.
Davening for a Yeshua for the many in Klal Yisroel that so desperately need one.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 5:20 pm

The biggest challenge (although there are others) is abusive husband, living in helll, cannot leave yet, he gaslights consistently, he wakes me every night, sooo tired, makes everything worse, makes it more difficult to do what I need to do. No support except therapist on occasion as I can afford. I wish I had support from a mentor or Rebbitzen or friend but who really wants to be burdened with this. Sometimes I talk to H' other times I can't bring myself to.

Surrendered

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 6:01 pm

Not being able to talk to Hashem formerly when in pain is normal. Speak to him in your own words, any language throughout the day. Tell him how much pain you're in. May He heal you from your pain very soon.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 6:20 pm

My challenge is besides my small challenges, my biggest is that I feel like I'm a slave with no time for myself, no time for self care, and most of all, the most painful thing is that my relatives will never acknowledge how hard I work. Its one thing not to acknowledge my hard work but wen they say, "its okay if he didn't come because He works hard" or "its okay if she doesn't come because she's too exhausted".

So, I work so hard, have tons of pressure from a job that I'm always "on cal" for which I hate but must not leave. But, for my relatives to expect more from me which adds to my pressure(I have enough jobs/im exhausted), is disgusting especially wen they exempt other relatives claiming they work hard. It also hurts because ppl make comments saying I'm a hermit or ...wen really I'm exhausted and am responsible enough to know that going out is not as important as my job which pays the bills.

It hurts that I have no support.it hurts that these same relatives support others and say that others work hard so they wont pressure others.

So, I'm so pressured from work in addition to feeling pressure from all things in my houshold that need to be done in a timely manner,now on top of that, my family pressures me and family should be supportive. So, I started saying no...so now they talk down to me and criticize me, so I feel even more like they dont love/care for me like I'm a piece of garbage.

the truth is none of my relatives would be able to manage wat I do because some dont work and some quit their jobs and others work very part time.

So, its challenging to work work work and still feel like such a failure because my relatives are so critical like my boss. I feel like a failure in my job and feel like I'm never free. I gained weight from pregnancies so I never have time to go to gym. I dont even have time to sit and eat properly in the evening. But, there's a pressure to be skinny.

I wish I had support. I wish I had the relatives being positive and caring....but all it comes down to is they dont love or care for me, so I wish they would just admit it and move on. I can't take their pressure with their criticism together with my bosses criticism together with all my responsibilities...in addition to the abuse I get in work. I am stuck with all the above besides for my son not doing well in school.....and other smaller issues.

While I'm not interested in living because my life is so hard, I'm going to acknowledge that I'm grateful that I can pay my bills(although I wish I had more so I wouldn't have to work...) im grateful that I'm healthy(although recently my immune system has been low so I got strep...but that's not serious ..) and my kids are healthy (although one child has a health scare which I need to go to a specialist to but its not anything life threatening.. ) ...

Its really hard to explain the above in writing, so it may not sound as bad but I feel like I'm going to gehenim everyday wen I go to work. I feel worthless/not valued wen my relatives criticize me for every little decision I make as if I'm not normal, as if I'm not an adult allowed to make my own decisions....it especially tells me they don't value me wen they treat other relatives with such respect (opposite the way they treat me...)

My life is pressure pressure...I feel like everyone is " pushing me"....criticizing...but deep down, I know I'm a success bec I do everything for my spouse/kids and don't quit wen the going gets tough...(which is daily). But relatives try to make me doubt that with their constant criticism....they are also taking advantage of me because I'm always trying to be quiet wen they criticize me so as to be sensitive to their struggles. Unfortunately, now I see I suffer more wen I'm "too nice" as they took advantage that I didn't use my tongue to "stab" them like they to me...and, to the world, they are "good" and I'm the "bad" one.

I dont know why hashem wants me to be so unloved, to be so "poisoned" with their words....but everyday I try to acknowledge that hashem has a plan and I'm really hoping ill get a yeshua soon and a better life. For now, I just tell hashem to help me manage day to day...

Thanks for listening to my struggles.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 6:52 pm

amother wrote:

Hmm.
depends which color glasses I'm wearing...
but high on top goes my child with a rare disease that has no cure...
(and all the 'pitchevkas' that come along with this)
but ein od milvado! one day she will be healthy & well! be'H soon soon!

Me too! Sending some love and strength your way!

anonymrs

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 6:58 pm

amother wrote:

Swimming in waves of grief. I carried a beautiful daughter for 9 full months and unexpectedly she died most likely due to difficult birth. She was only 2 days old yet she expressed such maturity. She opened her eyes a lot and communicated with me. She loved being held and undressed. She would look all around during diaper changes. She was gorgeous.
I feel like I am tying slowly each day. My insides are so numb. I pull through each day knowing my older kids have no one but their parents. Absolutely no grandparent or aunt/ uncle involvement. I lost a lot of friends because I realized they lied about a lot. They showed no remorse or empathy to my pain so I stopped talking about my pain.
Some tell me I should get pregnant again but I suffer from hyperemesis and long difficult labors. I lost my way in life. Some days I love Hashem other days I feel how can he allow this to happen knowing how much I suffered trying to bring life onto this earth.

This is a pain that no one should ever have to know. If you pm me, I can add you to a text support group, if you'd like.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 8:21 pm

My ds is in a group home. BH he is doing well but we miss him so much and I feel so sad every time I visit and leave again.
But I know we had to do what was best for our whole family at the time.
It still hurts every day. Although in the beginning I couldn't take it and now I am learning to just live with the pain.

thunderstorm

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 8:48 pm

Zehava wrote:

I agree. I read this thread and my heart aches for each of you suffering. I could list a host of difficulties but none come close to what I'm reading here.
I thought I was a pretty pessimistic person but I'm realizing that I do try to be positive even when the going gets tough, so perhaps that's why I'm not feeling the struggle or pain intensely.
I'm having a hard time watching my mother struggle with her very ill husband . My mother was single for 20 yrs, finally remarried and shortly after her husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He is doing very badly now and hearing about his physical suffering is gut wrenching.... and this is happening to a person I did not get along with, yet no one should ever suffer such pain.
Right now my biggest struggle is seeing their pain...May HaShem send yeshuos and refuos to all those in need.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 8:57 pm

My father died when I was ten years old, I struggle with depression and struggled with bulimia for many years, my husband ( who is great) has a chronic illness, my parents ( mother and stepfather) have had serious marriage issues for the last few years and burden me with it.
And to top it all off I’m struggling with yiddishkeit and my Emunah.
Seriously struggling
On the other hand my marriage, kids and parnassah are great, some days it’s easier, some it’s harder and I try to take it one day at a time

Surrendered

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 9:24 pm

Kudos to you all out there. With all your struggles and life situations, you come on here sounding so upbeat and positive and ready to give others chizuk and sound advice.
I admire you all.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 9:40 pm

Mine might be unusual, sometimes I feel like there is no one who understands me. Maybe there are other stories like mine?

I have been suffering tremendously for 15 years because I dont have any kids. Its like dying a slow death, watching people around me have normal lives and I yearn for a family so badly. I wish I had money problems or in laws who hated me, so long as I had my own cozy nest of my own. No nest here for me.

5 years ago I took 2 beautiful children into my home as foster kids. raised them for 5 years with love and devotion. they were ages 2 and 4. Now they are 7 and 9. I was just about ready to adopt them, had issues with the paperwork etc.. when the birth mother suddenly decided she was ready to raise them and took them back without any warning. The adoption wasnt finalized so legally I had no leg to stand on... she cut off all contact and wont allow me to even see them. Missing them takes my breath away.
so now I am left with a - still- empty nest, yet having tasted the love of motherhood- grieving for my 2 kids.
I'm left with nothing. I am broken.

114

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 9:45 pm

I once heard a story about a couple who had a sick child. They were by his side day and night and they were tormented by his pain. They went to a rav for a brocha. This is what the rav said: “ I give you a brocha that you should be busy with many problems!” Of course the couple was astounded. The rav explained that now their only problem is their sick child. When the child will be well, they will once again be able to focus on all the little issues that are annoying that we all have to deal with. A huge issue is all encompassing and leaves no room for the minor day to day inconveniences.
May Hashem only send us lots of little problems.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 9:51 pm

amother wrote:

That is so, so hard 😢.
May Hashem repay you for your kindness to the children b’korov.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 9:53 pm

amother wrote:

Me too! Sending some love and strength your way!

Love and strength to you too amother Firebrick.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Jan 02 2019, 9:29 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jan 01 2019, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

Same. Almost exactly the same situation. Especially about husband davening wherever and not getting it that the kids and I need more.
So hugs to you