Husbands input | Imamother

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:38 am

How much does your husband do around the house.
I’m trying not to use the word help- he doesn’t help it’s joint responsibility... that’s not for this thread.
But I’m old fashioned and I would like to run the house with minimal input from him.
In reality I work 30 hours a week and I’m out every school hour.
Doing housework when kids are home is like...

I would like to hear how other households run and how much the men do.

sirel

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:46 am

I don't mind posting what my husband does.
But I don't think there's any kind of rule, it's just what works for us.

1) mornings, my husband is completely in charge. I leave early in order to get back from work in time for the little ones.
He gets everyone up, dressed, breakfast, and packs them off to school.
I do my best to prepare lunches the night before.

2)folding laundry and ironing

3)evening clean up and cleaning for shabbos- we divide the work equally.

Rachel Shira

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:50 am

I would say that I’m the brain of the house including cleaning, shopping, cooking, money, etc - by that I mean I keep track of everything that needs to be done because it comes naturally to me. But we discuss and execute everything together, splitting up the jobs. My husband does lots of cleaning tasks regularly without me asking, and will do more if I ask. He likes me to run bigger decisions by him but doesn’t care what I cook, buy, how I decorate or organize, etc. I usually go grocery shopping because I enjoy it but he’ll go if I can’t. He does the laundry and I fold and put away. He does all the dishes. I do most of the baby care (we have one baby) but he does diaper changes, bedtime, and plays with him when he’s home. I do most of the straightening up and general cleaning, but he does it too.

ra_mom

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:53 am

amother wrote:

Are you saying you'd rather take care of things yourself and want validation in that?

keym

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:11 pm

I have a scheduling app. I make a daily list that I share with him.
When either one of us are home and up to "chores" we both consult the list, choose jobs, do them, and cross them off.
If its a job I'm particular to be done a very specific way, I'll mark it off as reserved for me. If its something that's his specialty, or certain errands, I'll mark off for him.
It takes away the stress. We each do as much as we can to plow through the list.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:17 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Are you saying you'd rather take care of things yourself and want validation in that?

I didn’t ask for validation.
I was curious how others juggle it all.
I have a very helpful husband and wish I needed less help.
If things were the way I would like he would never lift a finger and be treated like a king.
But our lifestyle choices interfered with that.

thunderstorm

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:23 pm

My DH does all the driving and carpooling since I don't drive.
He does the shopping and errands (I place a weekly grocery order via email and have it delivered )
He does lemudei kodesh homework with the kids
He bathes the baby and makes sure the other kids get showered and get into bed .(he's the drill sergeant 😀) .
He will wake up in the middle of the night if I'm too tired to feed the baby.
He does laundry if I ask him to
He can cook and clean, but I need to be specific with what I want him to do. Otherwise he doesn't have any specific cleaning chore that's designated to him.
All fixing up around the house is his department (ex. He installed a baby gate yesterday)
He does all the heavy lifting (ex. Taking storage boxes down from the attic so that I could sort through what I have and him then climbing up and putting it all back)
He takes the kids to most of their doctors appointments
He handles all school matters with teachers and principals in the lemudei kodesh dept.
He takes care of all the finances
....the question is what do I do???

Last edited by thunderstorm on Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

mha3484

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:28 pm

Based on our types of employment, DH does most of the child care (Kids are 2-8 so not all are home all day), school drop off and pick ups, therapies, some dr apts depending on if I feel I want to go or not.

We split the errands and use amazon a lot. Also target has this awesome app where you can order anything and they bring it to your car which is great if you dont want to take kids in the store.

We have all boys so hes good at getting them things like pants, shirts, tzitzis and yamulkas etc.

I have the lower tolerance for mess so by default I do more cleaning because if I waited for him to do it I would go bananas. He is a better cleaner then I am but he takes 3 time as long to notice the mess. So for my sanity I do a lot more. I feel like we have a pretty even balance and neither is resentful.

simba

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:35 pm

I am a bad example.
DH’s only designated job is clearing the dining room table and prepping it for shabbos.
Oh, and building the Sukkah!

Other then that everything needs very clear instruction. He doesn’t mind taking out the garbage but wouldn’t notice it overflowing so I do need to point it out. He will help getting the kids out in the morning if he is back from shul but once again.. needs a specific request. He is male like that.

He did just cover for me for close to 2 weeks after I gave birth and he couldn’t believe that I do all that! Hehe!!

He comes from a very traditional home where his father wouldn’t get himself a cup of water! I guess my dh has come along way.

Last edited by simba on Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:36 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Are you asking for parents where both work outside the house?

All are welcome to join in.
I’m just generally nosy LOL

Thunderstorm Thumbs Up

I need more of the ‘let him get on with it’ attitude

Metukah

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:40 pm

We both work, so we both do as much as possible around the house, but the responsibility is ultimately mine and I like it that way. I'm in charge of food, shopping, laundry etc... But he'll do laundry/shopping... If I tell him what and how.

He does alot of cleaning, often more than me.

He kind of deals with the bedtime routine including showers.

For the last few weeks he has been getting the kids ready in the morning, giving me an extra, desperately needed, half hour sleep, so I wake up to dressed kids, eating or already eaten breakfast.

The after school and supper routine is all mine. I finish work on time to fetch the kids and he comes home 2 hours later. By then homework and supper is done, sometimes showers as well.

All in all, we pull our weight equally. In the traditional world the woman was at home and the man the provider, but in the modern world, where often women work or have other responsibilities, a woman should not feel inadequate if responsibilities are shared.

Don't feel bad op. Thank Hashem that your wonderful dh pulls his weight.

Rachel Shira

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:45 pm

simba wrote:

I am a bad example.
DH’s only designated job is clearing the dining room table and prepping it for shabbos.
Oh, and building the Succah!

Other then that everything needs very clear instruction. He doesn’t mind taking out the garbage but wouldn’t notice it overflowing so I do need to point it out. He will help getting the kids out in the morning if he is back from shul but once again.. needs a specific request. He is male like that.

He did just cover for me for close to 2 weeks after I gave birth and he couldn’t believe that I do all that! Hehe!!

He comes from a very traditional home where his father wouldn’t get himself a cup of water! I guess my dh has come along way.

OT but you had your baby? Mazal tov!

Eselle13

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 12:53 pm

keym wrote:

Ohh! What app do you use? That sounds amazing!

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 1:09 pm

I work between 25-30 hours a week. My husband is a full time student. He knows how to do everything but his only designated job is paying the Bill's (huge plus for me because my mom took care of it in my parents house)
When he is on semester break he will cook, clean and do grocery shopping. He is great with dairy especially pasta and pizza but can't really follow hard recipes so he sticks to that. During the semester he does almost no house work but will occasionally take off a bit from studying and let me nap which will give me a boost of energy to get me thru the rest of the day...