S/o Authentic living

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Ravenclaw

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:08 am

So the deep, dark ambitions thread and the weirdo thread got me thinking...
So many people wrote that they want to live in a nonjudgmental community, be their true self, etc
Funny thing is most of us live in the same few places, frum communities. So really there are enough of us to technically be the majority. We should stop hiding and just be authentic.
I know this is just talk... but why? Why are we so afraid to break social norms? We say it’s because we fear rejection, but it seems that though some people will reject, many many won’t. So why the irrational fear?

amother

Puce

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:14 am

Shidduchim

Fox

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:21 am

Ninety-five percent of the time, it's sheer laziness. Even if we can't fulfill some dream literally (e.g., be an astronaut or ballerina), we can do all kinds of things to bring us some of the fulfillment we would get out of those roles.

But it takes incredible work and dedication, and most of us -- myself included -- aren't willing to make all of those sacrifices. So it's very easy to pretend that we just don't have choices.

I think the first step to "authentic living" is being honest about what you are willing to sacrifice for a dream or ambition. Oddly, I find it rather liberating. I can now actually enjoy a daydream in full knowledge that it's just that -- a daydream, not a genuine, serious ambition.

Ravenclaw

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:54 am

Fox, your last paragraph is very thought provoking. I am just to lazy to quote and bold it Smile

FranticFrummie

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 9:10 am

I think that a lot of us have an issue from childhood, that we are "not good enough".

If you got a B, you should have gotten an A.

Why can't you be more like your sister?

Are you going out dressed like that?

You have terrible taste in friends.

(All from personal experience.)

It took me years of therapy to come to the conclusion that I am good enough, worthy, and valid just the way I am. I was not badly abused, just subtly undermined. Imagine how bad it would be for children who's childhood was worse than mine.

This is what keeps people back, in their safe little shells of fitting in, and not wanting to risk the vulnerability of being a bit more "out there". There's a saying, "It's the nail that sticks up, that gets hammered down." It's horrible, but it's often very true.

33055

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 9:23 am

There is also an incredible sense of belonging. You don't find that outside. Many people don't want to risk doing that. I don't find it a burden to dress like the people around me. My kashrus is ingrained. On another thread, someone said we all make mistakes. I never did.

My thoughts belong to me. I don't speak along party lines. That's the most authentic me.

urban gypsy

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:01 am

Fox wrote:

Fox, I feel personally attacked by your post Crying

Just joking! You are totally right and I appreciate this insight.

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