Including woman in kibbudim for wedding

urban gypsy

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:45 am

I'm posting this question on behalf of a friend of a friend, so I don't have many details, but I was hoping some creative imamother might have a solution to this quandry:

A traditional, Orthodox affiliated (but not frum) couple is making an Orthodox wedding and they would like to include a woman who they are close with in the kibbudim.

The family claims that she is an Orthodox rabbi, so I am guessing she may be a maharat, but I don't know who she is so I am not sure.

Is there anything respectful role that she can be assigned to honour and include her at an Orthodox wedding?

amother

Red

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:49 am

This is probably something to first discuss with the rabbi who will be marrying them, in terms of whether he is even open to doing something. Even if something is halachically justifiable, it won't matter if the rabbi refuses.

amother

Indigo

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:53 am

Maybe they can offer her to walk behind the kallah down the aisle together with the other close relatives. Anything can be considered an honor if the person is being given respect and singled out for being special. Entrusting this person with holding the kallahs jewelry can be an honor.

princessleah

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:57 am

Here are some ideas:
-- Sign marriage license
-- Sign halachic pre-nup
-- MC at chuppah (e.g., call people up for brachas)
-- Give speech/d'var torah in between kiddushin and nisuin
-- Read ketubah under chuppah (depends on the crowd/officiant/how much people are willing to tolerate)

singleagain

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:00 am

At my sister's wedding, there was an 8th Bracha they said under the chuppah that a female friend of my sister said. Apparently it's a thing in Israel, for sure. I can try to find it the Bracha/source of you like.

urban gypsy

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:00 am

singleagain wrote:

Please do, this might actually work for this family!

aricelli

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:02 am

singleagain wrote:

What a nice thing

iyar

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:59 pm

You're getting some nice ideas here OP, but you have to keep in mind what amother red said.
If the couple wants an orthodox wedding ceremony, they probably chose an orthodox rabbi to be mesader kiddushin. They'll have to ask him how he feels about any of these ideas. If he doesn't agree they can find some other kibbud for the woman they're close with, or find another rabbi who's okay with it.

urban gypsy

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:02 pm

I have no idea who these people are, but I'm sure their Jewish knowledge isn't all that advanced if they are convinced that a woman can be an Orthodox rabbi.

I'm just trying to help by providing a list of kibbudim that a woman could potentially be honoured with at an Orthodox wedding. They can discuss whatever they want with the mesader kiddushin.

amother

Brown

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:04 pm

Interesting to read above about 8th bracha and other ideas. I'm BT and my brother is getting married soon and asked if I could read one of the brachas at the wedding or participate in some way. I asked my rabbi. The answer was a flat no. Oh, well. Maybe I'll learn how to play drums. LOL

amother

Lemon

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:06 pm

my non-frum best friend who was married by an Orthodox Rabbi had me carry her train and accompany her as she walked around the groom the 7 times under the chuppah. she said that the mothers were already being given the honors of walking the bride and groom down the aisle and this was her way of making me part of her ceremony. I was so honored, it was a very special moment for me in my life!

urban gypsy

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:08 pm

I think carrying the train and holding the jewlery would not be appropriate in this case.
This woman is a well respected community member and probably a maharat.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:39 pm

We turned cutting the ceremonial challah into a kibbud for a well meaning relative who couldn't take any real kibbudim. Would that work?
A dvar Torah under the chuppah?
Holding the ketuba after the kallah gets it.

watergirl

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:42 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

I think carrying the train and holding the jewlery would not be appropriate in this case.
This woman is a well respected community member and probably a maharat.

My guess is if she is a maharat, she is not expecting to receive a kibbud.

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:46 pm

Uch. The Kibbud that makes sense is her giving a speech under the chuppah. But its also one that requires her to work.

mommyhood

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:51 pm

At a MO wedding I went to recently they had women translate the Sheva brachos in English after their husbands made the Bracha. I thought it was an interesting way to include the women but might not work if you’re only looking to include 1.