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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:28 pm
I had a guest for first days that I have had in the past and will need to have in the future who I no longer trust and extremely bothered by the following situation.
The seder ended late and my kids slept late the next morning. I wanted to head downstairs to prepare the food for the meal and my house was quiet. My dh already left to shul and kids were all sleeping. Not wanting to wake anyone I tiptoed down the stairs and heard some noises in my office. I was a bit spooked cuz I couldn't imagine who would be there so I very quietly tiptoed over to the office door to peak in and noticed my guest bent down (back facing me) over my open file cabinet. I was in such shock that my immediate reaction was to back up so not to embarrass her. I started making noise so she knew I was downstairs and she quickly got up and walked to the other end of the room and began talking to me about the weather. I was still in shock and couldn't really have a conversation. She went upstairs and was there for a while and I went into the office to see what she could've seen. It was my filed tax papers that were pulled that she was in middle of checking out.
This guest knows everyones business and I always wondered how. She can tell you exactly what everyone owns and their financial status. I always knew that about her and always downplayed my financial earnings, income ect. which isn't too exciting but she is a jealous person so I knew to be careful. I felt like she wonders about how I buy my kids nice things and don't appear to be struggling.
It is possible she thinks I didn't see her (which makes me feel like a fool) because she was acting as if nothing happened the rest of the day.
As soon as my dh came home I pulled him aside and let him know what happened. at first he said I should've confronted her (which I would never do) and then he said it would be a big the zchus as wrong as it was to just let it go.
I feel like I let this guest in, she didn't lift a finger, I gave her a beautiful room and delicious food, worked so hard to treat and serve only the best and then she goes into my private things, Im disgusted! I found myself wondering what she checked out the other times she was here and kept going up to make sure my bedroom door was closed and that I knew where she was at all times.

This is really a vent more than anything but I was so relieved when she left and need to figure out the best was to have her again in the future which I dont know if I will ever be ready to.
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amother




Gray


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:32 pm
Why do you have to have her again? This is inexcusable.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:33 pm
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt????? Omg this sounds like a movie. That's insane! Kudos to you for not embarrassing her! I dont know how I would react!
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ROFL




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:33 pm
you must feel very violated ! I would be creeped out too !
BUT take the high road and next time she comes out some locks on your private papers.
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:35 pm
Wow... time to buy some locks.
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amother




Lemon


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:38 pm
Rubber Ducky wrote:
Wow... time to buy some locks.


Yup. Install locks on file cabinets and the like to use when she’s around. Blame it on kids if it comes up. Hopefully she’ll get that ur onto her and stop...
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pizza4




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:38 pm
That is gross behavior of her.
As above poster said, put a lock on your office door, and keep your bedroom door locked too.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:46 pm
Snooping means going through your kitchen cabinets for some snacks. Something doesn't sound normal here. I don't think I'd ever have this person over again.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:54 pm
amother [ Maroon ] wrote:
Snooping means going through your kitchen cabinets for some snacks. Something doesn't sound normal here. I don't think I'd ever have this person over again.


Op here, I agree this is next level snooping. I always had this feeling that she probably opened some drawers in the room she was staying but never thought she would do this! She has no business walking into my office to begin with!
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WhatFor




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:17 pm
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
Yup. Install locks on file cabinets and the like to use when she’s around. Blame it on kids if it comes up. Hopefully she’ll get that ur onto her and stop...


Why blame it on kids? I'd personally not have such a person back again, but if I did and they had the chutzpah to ask why, I'd straight up say, "yeah we had to put locks on bc we were shocked to discover that we had a guest who went through our private files. We decided it was between that or letting them come to our house again, and as long as this works, we're going to try to keep letting them come back."

But again, I personally wouldn't be able to handle.
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:20 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I had a guest for first days that I have had in the past and will need to have in the future who I no longer trust and extremely bothered by the following situation.
The seder ended late and my kids slept late the next morning. I wanted to head downstairs to prepare the food for the meal and my house was quiet. My dh already left to shul and kids were all sleeping. Not wanting to wake anyone I tiptoed down the stairs and heard some noises in my office. I was a bit spooked cuz I couldn't imagine who would be there so I very quietly tiptoed over to the office door to peak in and noticed my guest bent down (back facing me) over my open file cabinet. I was in such shock that my immediate reaction was to back up so not to embarrass her. I started making noise so she knew I was downstairs and she quickly got up and walked to the other end of the room and began talking to me about the weather. I was still in shock and couldn't really have a conversation. She went upstairs and was there for a while and I went into the office to see what she could've seen. It was my filed tax papers that were pulled that she was in middle of checking out.
This guest knows everyones business and I always wondered how. She can tell you exactly what everyone owns and their financial status. I always knew that about her and always downplayed my financial earnings, income ect. which isn't too exciting but she is a jealous person so I knew to be careful. I felt like she wonders about how I buy my kids nice things and don't appear to be struggling.
It is possible she thinks I didn't see her (which makes me feel like a fool) because she was acting as if nothing happened the rest of the day.
As soon as my dh came home I pulled him aside and let him know what happened. at first he said I should've confronted her (which I would never do) and then he said it would be a big the zchus as wrong as it was to just let it go.
I feel like I let this guest in, she didn't lift a finger, I gave her a beautiful room and delicious food, worked so hard to treat and serve only the best and then she goes into my private things, Im disgusted! I found myself wondering what she checked out the other times she was here and kept going up to make sure my bedroom door was closed and that I knew where she was at all times.

This is really a vent more than anything but I was so relieved when she left and need to figure out the best was to have her again in the future which I dont know if I will ever be ready to.


Is this person related to you in any way? Married or single?
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icebreaker




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:21 pm
Wow! You’re a better person than me! I probably would’ve asked her what on Earth was she doing/looking for and wouldn’t care if she was embarrassed or not. That’s so unacceptable! How could an ADULT think it’s okay to go through someone else’s stuff?!
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amother




Wine


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:23 pm
Install locks on all your important papers. I wouldn't even lie and blame the kids, if it does come up. Just say its for security reasons, you feel the need to have things locked

Honestly, if that happened to me, I would tell her, my security camera saw her looking at our things. Apparently you are not the only one to have this done too. Taking nosy to whole new level. if that person ever said something to me about finances, knowing her snopping tendences, I would confort her.


Last edited by amother on Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Magenta


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:27 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
Is this person related to you in any way? Married or single?


My guess is her mil.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Apr 22 2019, 11:51 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
My guess is her mil.


No not my mil. Its really irrelevant whether this person is related or not. What matters is that having a guest over should not have to feel like a threat in your own home. A guest should feel grateful and try and lend a hand especially after such a crazy hectic week of putting together such a beautiful yom tov. A guest certainly should not feel the right to go through your belongings and especially those that should be completely off limits. Most people don't think of putting locks, I would never dream anyone would stoop so low.
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groisamomma




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:08 am
Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of the thread started by a mil that "chanced upon" meds in her married son's room and came here to brainstorm what it could be because the name of the medication was blacked out with a sharpie.

Yuck.
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Its really irrelevant whether this person is related or not.

It's relevant in that if this person is not related to you, there is absolutely no reason to invite her into your home ever again.

Personally, I would have stood there quietly watching her until she discovered I was in the room and let her explain herself. Then I would have asked her to pack up and leave.


Last edited by DrMom on Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Natural


Post  Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:16 am
It happens and its horrible. An einstein daughter in law I know snooped on private letters that were in mother in laws bedrooms drawer! This was when MIL was away and let son and daughter in law use MILs appt. The wicked einstein went and repeated back to MIL parts of MIL s letter colection!!! I think MIL put locks then. MIL refuses to have kids over when she is away ever the inocent ones. She is taumatized.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:19 am
Oh, ick.
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Emotional




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Apr 23 2019, 3:26 am
groisamomma wrote:
Wow. Just wow. This reminds me of the thread started by a mil that "chanced upon" meds in her married son's room and came here to brainstorm what it could be because the name of the medication was blacked out with a sharpie.

Yuck.

No way.
Do you have a link to that thread?
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