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Only wears long sleeves-edited update in OP
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 1:33 pm
My son (age 8) has a hard time with change. He is refusing to wear short sleeve shirts now that the weather is warmer. In general he is vey rigid with clothing, only wearing certain very conservative styles. Besides for the fact that it is hard to shop for him I don't want him to be different than his peers. Does anyone have advice on helping him be flexible in this area? Thanks so much!


Update-the truth finally came out. He doesn't want to get tanned (he is embarrassed bec he is a bit darker than average)

I updated in the thread but I will update here too. Basically I bought him sun tan lotion and he told me he still doesn't want to wear short sleeves because he isn't used to it. Bh found a few more shirts in the stored so at least we have enough long sleeve shirts for this season.


Last edited by behappy2 on Fri, Jun 28 2019, 2:45 pm; edited 2 times in total
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imamother153




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 1:41 pm
Maybe get him shirts that have roll up sleeves. He’ll adjust to the shirt first and once he is comfortable with it roll it up slowly a little at a time so he adjusts to it.
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 3:07 pm
I put this in the category of choosing my battles. My DS has refused to wear shorts for years, even though most of his friends wear shorts all summer long. Whether it's a sensory preference or something else, I don't consider it important enough to make a fuss about it.
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 3:13 pm
If he refuses to wear short sleeves, let him be. It does not pay to fight over this. Don't make your life harder than necessary.
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amother




Pink


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 3:34 pm
My son has always refused to wear short sleeves. He's sensory and has been getting OT since he was born, practically.

I was also worried about the social aspect, but he seems to be ok and has friends. Boys are not as rigid regarding clothing, so I would let it go.
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 4:52 pm
Its not just short sleeves. He was wearing a coat with a hood when the kids were coming to school without even a spring jacket...He refuses to wear a vest or sweater on shabbos...He refuses to wear t shirts and only wears shirts....and of course I do care even though I can work on not caring. I don't think it is sensory. He gets used to something or gets an idea in his head and has hard time changing it.
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OutATowner




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 5:12 pm
This is what I did, although he was a 6. He only wore long sleeves the summer of age 5. The next year I told him he can wear short sleeves with a very light jacket on top. Eventually he got too hot and took off the jacket. I didn't say anything, and he transitioned to short sleeves.
(I never thought it would happen, but two summers later he wore shorts!! He got hand me downs from a "cool" older boy and he wanted to wear them.)
Eta: he also didn't like change, so I got him several short sleeve shirts that looked similar, either solid or one stripe and I got the same design in every color.
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naomi2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 8:48 pm
Try bribing him until he gets used to it.
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 10:31 pm
naomi2 wrote:
Try bribing him until he gets used to it.


Forgot about that option 😀
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 10:39 pm
so long as he is dressed appropriately and nicely id give him his own choice over it

if he prefers a more conservative style so be it -- if he's comfortable id let it be.

(some boys do this and sometimes has to do with dressing like totty)
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andrea levy




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 20 2019, 10:43 pm
I agree about picking battles. I’m thrilled because my son listened to me about wearing his pants higher up instead of under his belly( he is very overweight). At the store I basically suggested he try it and he didn’t have to go with it if he didn’t like it. He bought in after trying it out and we bought three more pairs of pants.

He’s an adult and I’m so proud of him for even considering it. If he hadn’t agreed, I’d have been ok too.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 20 2019, 10:47 pm
Why does he need to wear short sleeves?

Girls can't go around wearing short sleeves in the summer. We have to suffer in the heat and no one ever questions it.

What I really want to know, is why are women's elbows considered erva, but men's aren't? This is something no one has ever been able to give me a logical answer to.
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 20 2019, 11:23 pm
Thanks everyone for your replies. I Do need to work on accepting him more and also be grateful that it could be a lot worse. I wish he would explain more why he does what he does..Maybe as he gets older. With the coat I basically told him that it's not coat season anymore and explained that I don't want him being different than the other kids.. that it looks funny. I hope it was the right thing to do. I am going to try to look for summer looking long sleeve shirts. He only wears plaid, certain colors. Refuses to try things on or go shopping with me. He refuses to also wear t shirts (which 95 percent of the kids at school are wearing) it's a lot of fun to buy him clothing. I always think I should buy 5 of whatever he likes but I don't have the guts. Do you think it's really weird if a kid comes to school every day with the same one or 2 shirts every season?
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:07 am
The truth finally came out. He doesn't want to get tanned. (He is a bit darker than average)
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:09 am
so interesting! thanks for the update
and the reminder we need to talk to our kids
communication is the key
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:12 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
so interesting! thanks for the update
and the reminder we need to talk to our kids
communication is the key


I tried and tried. Today I told him starting July 1st I want him to wear short sleeves bec July and August are real summer months and he goes "but I don't want to get tanned. It's bad enough my hands are tanned. I dont want my arms to be tanned too"
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yerushamama




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:14 am
sunblock?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:21 am
behappy2 wrote:

Update-the truth finally came out. He doesn't want to get tanned (he is embarrassed bec he is a bit darker than average)


Agree with him, and get him the highest SPF sunscreen you can. You can buy thin cotton shirts that will protect him from UV rays, and are still breathable. If women can survive wearing long sleeves in the summer, so can your son.

You can also show him pictures of Jews of all colors and countries. Let him see that dark is not bad, it just is another feature, like blue eyes or green eyes.

If he's living in an all white bubble, this is one of the very best things you can do for his education. He's noticing differences, and he needs to understand that we ALL were made in
G-d's image.

BTW, good job finally getting the answer out of him. I know you tried and tried. Some kids just can't get beyond their embarrassment, and it takes a lot of patience.
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amother




Plum


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:31 am
My daughter also has a dark skin self consciousness
She's sometimes embarrassed to go swimming with her friends.
I told her once that some people pay lots of money to get tanned, it didn't help much
I wonder where it comes from What
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jun 28 2019, 8:39 am
amother [ Plum ] wrote:
My daughter also has a dark skin self consciousness
She's sometimes embarrassed to go swimming with her friends.
I told her once that some people pay lots of money to get tanned, it didn't help much
I wonder where it comes from What
,

Depending on the age, it could be anything from fear of being different, to institutional racism (the subtle kind).

From grade 2 to 5, DD went to public school, where white kids are a small minority. She came home one day after starting second grade, and said "I wish I were tan like all the other kids. They make fun of my pale skin and blonde hair!"

We had to have a long talk about how Hashem makes all kinds of people, and that nobody's looks were better or worse than anyone else. Inside we are all His children.

We had to have these talks every now and then over the next couple of years, but now she totally accepts her looks, and has friends of all races.

*Side note, when she came to Israel, all the girls she knew were tan, and had long curly dark hair and brown eyes. She's the total opposite, and stood out like a beacon. The other girls would not leave her hair alone because it's silky straight, and they kept commenting on her skin. It drove her absolutely crazy. She felt like a zoo exhibit.
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