Home

Can I force her?

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant) A Safe Haven

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:28 pm
I think I know the answer already but I want to ask and get opinions and support anyhow because today was just so hard with DD. I am still shaking and really sad. She is like a black cloud of anger and narcissism. She is not like that all the time but its a lot.
Can I force my 16 year old Teenage daughter to go to therapy and participate? I finally have something that I can threaten her with that would make her go but really I don't think she is able to do the work. She is not able or willing to self introspect or to take any responsibility or change anything she does ever. I keep davening and hoping that things will change with her as she grows older but it isn't.
I have been on and off for myself and its been a huge help.
Back to top

Stars




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:31 pm
No. If you threaten her with something that will work it's probably blackmailing and she will
Hate. You. Forever.

Get into therapy for yourself and stay there until she is out of the house.
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:33 pm
Stars wrote:
No. If you threaten her with something that will work it's probably blackmailing and she will
Hate. You. Forever.

Get into therapy for yourself and stay there until she is out of the house.

why will she hate me forever if it works?
Back to top

singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:37 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
why will she hate me forever if it works?


I highly doubt that if forced, the work will get done. You might get lip service. But actually change really has to come from the person
Back to top

amother




Cerulean


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:46 pm
You can force her into therapy. I asked my kids to go to therapy. I told them they only need to go. I am sick and wanted them to have an outlet. BH they like it. At this point because of my illness asking them to go is tantamount to emotional blackmail.

Is like the old saying that you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink. Talk to the therapist about how to get her there.
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:48 pm
I don't think anyone here can answer that, OP.

I have seen a situation where a 16 year old was forced, and she gained a great deal from the therapy. However, it didn't see solve the problems at home, since sometimes the therapist backed her instead of what the parents wanted her to do.

I have also seen a situation where a kid sat in a therapist's office and refused to utter a word, for a month of weekly visits.

Maybe it would be helpful for you to consult a therapist to gain clarity on the issues with her, and develop an effective approach?
Back to top

amother




Scarlet


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:18 pm
take her to a family therapist. tell her that youre trying to improve the atmosphere in the home. that the therapist will be neutral and will have ideas for both parent and child. that you are trying to improve the entire family system. this way she will not be the problem child who needs individual therapy. I have seen this approach work better.
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:19 pm
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
take her to a family therapist. tell her that youre trying to improve the atmosphere in the home. that the therapist will be neutral and will have ideas for both parent and child. that you are trying to improve the entire family system. this way she will not be the problem child who needs individual therapy. I have seen this approach work better.

I think that this is a great idea.
Back to top

Stars




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:41 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
why will she hate me forever if it works?


Works for who?
Back to top

amother




Coffee


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:13 pm
DON'T
Use logic, compassion, family therapy
If you force her, she may end up with ptsd
Talking from experience
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant) A Safe Haven

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Should I force her??
by a1mom!
19 Sun, May 12 2019, 8:33 pm View last post
Should I force my 12 year old to come to therapy?
by amother
65 Tue, Apr 02 2019, 11:17 am View last post
Should I force him?
by amother
18 Wed, Jan 31 2018, 1:23 am View last post
Force infant to take multivitamin??
by amother
18 Fri, Jan 05 2018, 1:00 am View last post
Can I force my kid to be toilet trained?
by amother
16 Wed, Sep 13 2017, 7:26 am View last post

Jump to: