Checking private parts at the doctor

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:37 am

I took my 11 year old daughter to an endocrinologist for treatment of her hypothyroidism. The top endocrinologist in our area is male, so while I’d normally only have her see a female doctor, I made an exception in this case.

He conducted a physical. As part of it, he pulled her skirt down (she was lying on the exam table) and stuck his hand into her underwear, pulling it away from her body and staring inside for 7 or 8 full seconds.

My daughter looked really uncomfortable having her privates checked like that. She’s already developed - has pubic hair and her period.

Something about it just felt off. Am I being paranoid, or this normal? I just got weirded out by the intensity of his gaze into her underwear, the length of time he spent doing it, and the fact that he removed her clothes for her.

In general - what is considered normal when it comes to checking children/teenagers privates? What are red flags to look out for?

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:41 am

I don't know if it's normal for him to do a check up in this case. But he should have said I am going to take a quick look is that ok with you, and not surprised her by doing it suddenly.

Queen18

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:41 am

He pulled her skirt down? Would think a child of that age is too big for that. She should be given gown for exam.

What was his hand touching? Her private’s? Her belly?

Not sure what area you live in but could be worth it to go to a not as big a doctor that’s a woman for a girl that age.

mommy12

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:48 am

I remember a doctor asking me when I was a young teenager, "Do you mind?" I had no idea what he meant so I just said I didn't mind and was really surprised when he began examining me down there. I don't recall what the exam was exactly but I was not expecting it. That's when my mom switched me to a female pediatrician.

essie14

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 4:05 am

My pediatrician tells my child what he is going to do - even when she was at an age where she couldn't understand. It's his method and she's totally comfortable with him. I really agree with it. I narrate everything to her as well.
She's 2 and every time I change her diaper I say "I am taking off your pants, I am wiping your poop, I am putting cream on you, now let's get the fresh diaper"
I would be a bit weirded out by a doctor who doesn't ask or tell a child what is going to be done.

rivkam

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 4:08 am

That would have been mortifying for me as an 11 year old. Even if he had to check the area for whatever reason he should have explained exactly what he needs to do and made sure your DD and you understood why and were happy for him to conduct the exam. Doctors can sometimes become so immune to seeing body parts that I think they can forgot how intimidating it can be for the patient.

Rappel

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 4:18 am

I'm not an endocrinologist, but I know that the development of the primary relations organs can help him externally determine the general state of your daughter's hormones. It's part of the overall picture.

It's very weird that he didn't tell you what the procedure was beforehand, but I agree with other posters that that may reflect more on his bedside manner than any perversion. I don't know why, but it seems to be mandatory for all top doctors to be brusque and clinical.

Ruchel

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 5:03 am

My endos never did this. And he should have asked or at the very least WRNED. Gown, no. Not happening. Only had gown to give birth and surgery. This is very old to check there as opposed to a little child or baby etc, and do it without asking. But it may ""just"" be terrible old schoold manner.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 6:52 am

in addition to explaining what he is doing, our dr. also had a talk with our (younger) daughter about body safety and how he needs to ask permission and he is a dr. and a parent is in the room but that no one else should touch you like that...

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 7:36 am

Yes, it is a normal part of an emdo exam
No, his bedside manner is not ok
Yes, it CAN affect your daughter later on, talking from experience
I would say to bring it up with him and discuss how it made her uncomfortable, and ask if you can together come up with a solution, before you let him begin another exam. My endo was ok with letting a female, regular pediatrician who was in the same office come in and do that part of the exam.
Oh, and forget the gown. I won't even wear one to give birth...

chocolatecake

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 7:43 am

He should definitely have told her what was going to happen first. When I took my four yr old for a well visit, before the doctor touched her privates he explained what he was going to do first and also said that no one is ever allowed to touch there besides ur parents or a doctor - and only when parents are in the room.

nchr

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 7:47 am

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Please dont freak OP out or worry her unnecessarily Her daughter is not going to be impacted. Just tell your daughter it was part of the procedure and the doctor should have warned her beforehand but since she was uncomfortable you'll see that it doesnt happen or again, or if it does that she'll know before and why its important.

Last edited by nchr on Tue, Jun 18 2019, 8:10 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Peach

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 8:04 am

My son gets treated for hypothyroid and his endo has never checked his privates. Only the pediatrician does that, and yes, he announces beforehand, asks permission, explains what he's doing, and even reminds the child that no one else is allowed and even he, as the doctor, would never do so without permission and a parent present.

I will say, my hypothyroid kid is nowhere near puberty age, so perhaps that's why his privates don't get checked by the endo and maybe as he gets older, they will need to be, to make sure he's developing properly. I don't know. But even if that's the case, your doctor did it wrong. Doesn't mean he's a creep who should be arrested, but this is definitely something you should bring up with him, and ask to do it differently. And watch his response carefully. If he gets defensive or rude, time to change doctors, even if he's "the best" on paper. (Also, as an aside--hypothyroid is pretty straightforward to treat. Is your daughter a particularly complicated case? Because I don't see the need for a "top doctor" for this particular condition).

amother

Copper

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 8:16 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

It's definitely part of a comprehensive clinical endocrinology evaluation.
He should have given more notice, though.

I think it’s considered part of the exam because he has to check how she is developing now. Public hair excess or lack of it is important to note.

oneofakind

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 8:38 am

I don't understand why he had to check "how she is developing". She already has her period. He probably did it because "it's part of the exam" but you can switch doctors because his bedside manner is lacking or if you need to stay with him, question on the need-how is this exam going to change the treatment at this point. If he's truly insensitive (or a pervert), he'll be belligerent and you'll want to change doctors anyway.Most of us wouldn't allow such an exam for no good reason.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 3:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s totally normal and if it makes you so uncomfortable stick to female dr’s