S/o shailos about names

paperflowers

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 4:30 am

What kinds of things do people ask their rav about in terms of baby naming? What were you told? Why did you think to ask a rav?
This is something I’ve been curious about, but I never want to derail another poster’s baby naming thread to ask.

Angel

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 5:01 am

We just ask our rav to give a bracha on the name we want to give.
When a person died young, we ask what name to add. Or if there is a living grandparent or parent and the name we wnat to give sounds similar to theirs we ask wether to give it or not.

amother

Copper

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 5:13 am

Angel wrote:

Do you do this because you see your Rav as a smart and insightful person who can give you good advice, or do you see a halachic dimension to this discussion?

amother

Green

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 5:38 am

I don't see it as halacha per se, but I would ask for the reassurance. There's an uncle in the family that died young, and I would be hesitant to just name after them-even if you say well, just add a name, you're still naming for them, so I would want to know that it's ok.
Sometimes I think it can be the equivalent of a mediator- dh wants to name for that uncle who recently died, whilst you want to name for the grandfather who died when you were five. Which is more meaningful at this time?
I think it's more kabbalistic than halacha, but you ask as they have more knowledge and so forth....

essie14

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:31 am

pesek zman wrote:

I was wondering the same but stopped myself from commenting as such. In my community we name our own children and call them what we want

Same here. DH and I don't see anything halachic in baby naming. You create a child, you give it the name you want.
Would never even enter my mind to discuss with a rabbi.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:45 am

Ha! When my daughter was born, the whole family, especialy MIL, was expecting us to name after DH grandmother. We hated the name....
We happened to meet one of the gedolim of America and grabbed the opportunity to ask what to do and we were so surprised when he just dismissed it as unimportant (we did stress that they were expecting us to, but wouuld be more sad/disappointed vs ANGRY if we didnt). He even waved away the idea of adding a name, or using a translation (unless we specifically wanted to, which we didnt really)

He asked if there was a name that we loved. We told him yes, and what it was, and he just said "that's a beautiful name! Just name her that and enjoy"

I was so surprised at his answer, maybe because I just expected a Rav with such a long beard and surrounded by learning Torah all day to jump on the bandwagon of naming after someone being so important....but what do you know...he didn't seem to think it was

Im so happy we listened to him. I LOVE her name, and I love addressing her and calling her because of it.

The family was shocked at first but over time made peace with it. Im so happy we asked what to do, and im so so happy we listened.

sky

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:46 am

We originally asked about naming after someone who died younger then 60. We thought we would be told to add a name. Instead he said to change the name by removing a letter. He also wanted to know why we chose that grandfather. We said it’s because it would mean the most to the family. He said we should think about that further. We did and in the end named after a different grandfather. This is a yeshivish gadol hador who knows our family well.

Another time we asked bmg mashgiach which side to name after first. It was more an eitzah. They said the minhag in Europe was to name after paternal grandfather first. But in the end we chose my side first.

I also know ppl who asked if the could name after a deseased parent who has the same name as a living grandparent on the other side. They were told yes but to ask permission.

We have also been told not to give names unless they will be used regularly. I saw this more as an eitzah and we did give more names. We knew the gadol holds this way - that it is a problem of the names aren’t used when it comes time to the kesubah.

Last edited by sky on Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:47 am; edited 1 time in total

tulips12

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:52 am

Of course you name your own child and the other op can still do as she pleases. She believes in certain customs and was asking her rabbi if the it would still be the same name for her within those guidelines.
It's not like her rabbi decided on the name.
There are some people who have thier rabbi pick out the name. Surprised

Personally I've never asked anyone.

yerushamama

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:55 am

Keep in mind that no matter who you ask, or what you decide, the parents have ruach hakodesh when they actually GIVE the name, not when they decide on the name! I know of several cases, including one of my kids, where the name that came out of the father's mouth when naming the baby was not what had been decided on!

sky

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:03 am

yerushamama wrote:

Each of my children was named differently then what we planned. Some it changed the morning of - not because anyone told us to - sometimes because the new name felt more correct - and sometime the chosen name felt ‘wrong’.

Another thing we asked - we were going to give a very unusual (in my circles) Yiddish name after someone. We also weren’t 100% sure if the original person really had the Hebrew name. Rav told us to give Yiddish name unless we find somewhere she signed her name in Hebrew. About 2 days before giving the name a relativevfound the card were the name was signed in Hebrew (no one had been looking for it).

Also once asked if I can wait for someone on their deathbed to see what happens before giving a girl name. Was told should wait a maximum of a week because then it just looks inappropriate.

amother

Violet

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:26 am

We had multiple grandparents dying within a short amount of time and all parents insisting it was their "right" with all the proofs.
We spoke to a rav because that was the only thing to get my FIL to shut up and not badmouth us to our older kids.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:34 am

We are overall very girly in the extended family. When my sister had her son, it was 8 years since my maternal grandfather had passed away, and there was no one as yet named for him. (one SIL did have a son but he was named for her father A"H.) However, my paternal grandfather had passed away recently - within the year.

My sister asked R' Shmuel Kaminetsky, and he said to name after my paternal grandfather. His psak was based on the fact that it was within the year, and also that my paternal grandmother was (is B"H) still living and it would give her a Nechama, and it had been many years since my maternal grandmother had passed away.

B"H since then there have been several more boys named after each of them.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:42 am

Also - our Rav told us that if we want to name our child after a specific person, we must give the exact name and nothing else. My grandmother A"H whom I was very, very close to had two names, and one of them was my MIL's name. She was still living when my oldest was born, so I could not name DD after my grandmother. Instead, I named her after one of the Imahos, which is the same as my grandmother's other name. It's like a memory of my grandmother, but not named after her since I couldn't give the entire, exact name.

My youngest is named the other name, since she was born after my MIL A"H passed away.

And my other DD is named a translation of name of DH's great-grandmother H"YD. We used the Hebrew name for a yiddish name, which R' Chaim Kanievsky says is okay to do. I like the Hebrew name much better (and so does DD. She has said many times that she's glad I didn't give her the yiddish name, and she likes her Hebrew name.)

My mother A"H had TWO uncommon yiddish names. Not Yenta Pesha, but you get the idea.....she told us all many times how hard it was growing up with those names, hence my sensitivity to my daughter. I haven't had a child to name after her, and I will not mix in B"EH when my girls have kids....they can name whatever they want.

Three of my brothers have named daughters after my mother, but all of those kids are being called by various nicknames. No one is using any of my mother's actual names so far.

amother

Blush

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 10:27 am

tulips12 wrote:

Personally I've never asked anyone.

Im the OP of "sad abt psak"
Thank you for writing this. We didnt ask by our other children (all girls) we asked this time because the name was being broken up and I had a very specific question - does the baby still get the zchus avos of his grandfather if the name isnt whole. The answer was only if he is called by the same name. The replies on the other thread were not comforting at all. We don't plan to give the name now we will likely pick something else BUT dont go undermining asking a shaila. Its very very common for people to go to a gadol hador with naming shailos....