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DS came home very late - was I too harsh?
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:18 pm
DS is 10 and loves his independence. We live in a relatively safe neighborhood and so I do let him ride his bike, go to the park with his friends, etc.

We have different basic safety rules, bike safety rules, crossing street rules, and others. He's very good about them and follows them carefully.

He knows he must be home at 6:15. dinner is at 6:45.
It has happened before, that he came home very late and I warned him. that if he comes home after dinner time he will not get any.

well it hasn't happened in a while but today he didn't come home until after 7:30.
I sent him straight to the shower and into bed.

He's crying and insisting that no supper doesn't mean no fruit or snacks , and he's starving , and he'll faint from hunger....[this part is just dramatics]

am I being too harsh?
and what's a better idea for a punishment if this happens again?
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:21 pm
I would do warning first. Also for sure give some food. I am sure that there are mechanchim that would agree with you though.

I just want you to realize that the way you posted invites judgement. Is that what you want?
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:22 pm
Never ever punish a child by depriving them of food! It's your job as a parent to make sure your child has food, it's torture to send a child to bed starved!
You need a punishment that is appropriate to what he did. He came home late, take away his bike for a little while. (As much time as you deem appropriate.) Or give him an earlier cerfew for a week.
When my kids don't follow bike safety rules or they don't put away their bikes, we take it away.
But to deprive a child of food is pure torture and evil.
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:24 pm
Punish him, but not by depriving him of food
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amother




Vermilion


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:26 pm
My consequence would be that he has to come home one hour earlier than usual the next day.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:27 pm
why should I take away his bike if he wasn't riding it What
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:28 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
My consequence would be that he has to come home one hour earlier than usual the next day.



earlier curfew doesn't work if he ignores the curfew time...
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:28 pm
pesek zman wrote:
Punish him, but not by depriving him of food


Any ideas? I'd love to hear some
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:28 pm
Oh sorry, I understood that he was out riding his bike till late.
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amother




Vermilion


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
why should I take away his bike if he wasn't riding it What


You said he generally respects the curfew time. If he doesn't, ground him for a day. No going out at all that evening.
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chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:29 pm
Maybe have him warm it up and clean up himself, eat super fast, not do something fun he usually has time for in the evening, but yeah, agree with others that not giving food (fruits or nosh) was too harsh
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mommy3b2c




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:30 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
why should I take away his bike if he wasn't riding it What


Why should you take away his food if he wasn’t eating?

Depriving a child of supper is never an appropriate punishment. Taking away a privilege such as bike riding makes a lot more sense.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:31 pm
behappy2 wrote:
I would do warning first. Also for sure give some food. I am sure that there are mechanchim that would agree with you though.

I just want you to realize that the way you posted invites judgement. Is that what you want?


I did warn him. I told him exactly this- if you come late (not a few minutes late, but late after we've finished dinner) then there's no more dinner being served, and you won't get any.

I'm confident enough as a mother to know when I'm not sure of myself, and this is one of those times.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:31 pm
At 10 years old I think you still need to call him in when he needs to come in. Or remind him afew times that he needs to be home on time. Maybe get him a watch with a timer that beeps when he needs to start heading home. Most 10 year olds don't keep track of time.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:32 pm
mommy3b2c wrote:
Why should you take away his food if he wasn’t eating?

Depriving a child of supper is never an appropriate punishment. Taking away a privilege such as bike riding makes a lot more sense.


because it seems to be the natural consequence of coming home after dinner time is over.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:32 pm
Allow him to eat SOMETHING. It doesn’t have to be the dinner you made. But he should be able to eat a peanut butter sandwich and a have a drink of water etc at least. I would also ground him and not let him leave your yard the next day and he’ll be stuck playing on your block as opposed to visiting friends that day.
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LovesHashem




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:33 pm
Food should not EVER be a punishment.
This creates an unhealthy relationship with food.
Literal take away anything else.
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groovy1224




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:33 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I did warn him. I told him exactly this- if you come late (not a few minutes late, but late after we've finished dinner) then there's no more dinner being served, and you won't get any.

I'm confident enough as a mother to know when I'm not sure of myself, and this is one of those times.


I would probably not give him the supper I served, since he missed the meal time, but he can have something simple like a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich. Then the next day he has to stay home and can't go out with his friends. Something like that.
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amother




OP


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:34 pm
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
At 10 years old I think you still need to call him in when he needs to come in. Or remind him afew times that he needs to be home on time. Maybe get him a watch with a timer that beeps when he needs to start heading home. Most 10 year olds don't keep track of time.


he was too far for me to go call him - 2 blocks away at the park, playing ball.
he left the house at 5- and I reminded him then to come home at 6:15.

A watch with a timer is a very good idea, I will check if his watch has that feature and if it doesn't I'll get him one. that will probably help him be more on top of things.
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chestnut




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jul 29 2019, 1:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
why should I take away his bike if he wasn't riding it What

The poster who suggested it probably thought he was late because was riding his bike in the park with friends.
If that's not so, then no going anywhere with friends for a week/few days. Just staying on the block/in the house
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