Do you get tired of people with heath issues?

amother

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:11 am

Do you get tired of people who when you ask them how they are, they tell you of their latest surgery or health concern?

Do you get annoyed when you have to accommodate them by slowing down or helping them in some other way?

amother

Silver

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:18 am

If you don't want to hear don't ask. Also people can tell the difference of a flippant how are you vs. a genuine interest in your well being.

Frumwithallergies

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:21 am

No. Nope. Not a thought that ever crossed my mind. If you don't want to know how they are, why ask them?

Is there one particular person who annoys you? Or are you always this self-centered?

Edited to add: if it's you who is ill or going through a lot, then the person who is asking you would be selfish and centered if they didn't care abou your reply.

Last edited by Frumwithallergies on Wed, Aug 07 2019, 5:06 pm; edited 1 time in total

ora_43

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:26 am

Frumwithallergies wrote:

No. Nope. Not a thought that ever crossed my mind. If you don't want to know how they are, why ask them?

Is there one particular person who annoys you? Or are you always this self-centered?

OP didn't say she's annoyed with anyone. Maybe she's a person with health issues wondering if people are secretly tired of hearing about it.

Kiwi13

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:29 am

OP, do you have health issues and you’re worried about people resenting their friendship with you? Real friends care about YOU, not just fun conversation or whatever else. They all have their own tzaros too, we all do.

That said, everyone has emotional limits, and it’s possible that if it’s very hard for a friend to have too much proximity to a situation that is draining them, an emotionally healthy friend will respect their own limitations (and therefore take time to decompress after a difficult conversation, for example) so that they can continue the relationship in a genuine and wholehearted way.

amother

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:48 am

Frumwithallergies wrote:

No. Nope. Not a thought that ever crossed my mind. If you don't want to know how they are, why ask them?

Is there one particular person who annoys you? Or are you always this self-centered?

I feel self centered. I am the person who annoys me.

Maybe people are being polite and don't literally mean how are you. I don't want to be annoying.

I have three critical health issues. I need to ask for accommodations and am tired. It seems like I keep getting knocked down by waves.

Overall, the community has been beyond wonderful, but I am wondering if I am resented.

sequoia

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:50 am

Everyone is tired of me.

I think they’d be glad if I were dead.

amother

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:51 am

sequoia wrote:

Everyone is tired of me.

I think they’d be glad if I were dead.

I am the OP. I am not tired of you. I wish I were stronger to support you or lived closer.

grace413

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:57 am

sequoia wrote:

Everyone is tired of me.

I think they’d be glad if I were dead.

Sequoia please don't say that. I know that we are only virtual but look how many pages there are here of a tehillim thread for you. I'm sure you are only saying this because you are in pain and depressed.

yo'ma

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 8:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not one for small talk, so I rarely say, hi, how are you, so when I ask how a person is, I mean it.

With the other question, it could get frustrating because I like to walk quickly, but I also have to slow down when I walk with my children. I believe I have enough empathy to not let it bother me and be happy to slow down. Sounds a little contradictory, but it's not.

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

If you don't want to hear don't ask. Also people can tell the difference of a flippant how are you vs. a genuine interest in your well being.

I had a friend once ask me how I was and knew it was a flippant question, but I didn't care and started telling her all my aches and pains Laugh

amother

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:00 am

grace413 wrote:

Can some ladies go there to be with her? Can something be organized?

grace413

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sorry that you are having a difficult time. I hope your health issues will be resolved. Don't worry about annoying people. I'm sure some people are annoyed and some are genuinely interested and would like to help. That's how the world is.

Do not worry about being resented. Anyone who resents an ill person is not worth bothering about.

Refuah Shlaimah.

thunderstorm

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am speaking for myself here. I only resent those that make themselves a “victim” with their health issues and expect me to take care of them because they didn’t take care of themselves. Or don’t want to take care of themselves.
For example: my relative had surgery a few weeks ago and is supposed to be off her feet for a couple of months. She doesn’t have anyone living with her to assist. Prior to the surgery I offered for that person to recuperate at my home after the surgery . She said she had plans to go to a friend for a week. After three days she decided she would rather go home because she felt she’s a pressure on the friend . I asked her if she arranged for anyone to prepare meals for her . She said a neighbor would etc.
She has a local grocery that can deliver to her and there are also lots of takeout places in her area that deliver. She refuses to make a phone order and has other people go out of their way to do her shopping and when they say they can’t she puts them in a guilt trip that “do and so ALWAYS is willing to help her and what’s so difficult? “
She then went and invited guests for Shabbos and was on her feet preparing etc against doctors orders. Sunday morning she messages me that she’s so worried that she set herself back and is having pain and other problems because she pushed herself too much on Shabbos. Well duh. She should have never been on her feet. Now she wants me to come to her in a different city to stay with her for a week. I work from home, have a family and she’s upset that Im not just coming.
This happens all the time with this person. She does not listen to the doctor and then kvetches when she develops problems due to not listening to the doctor.

If you were responsible and taking care of yourself to the best of your ability and Hashem sent you machlos , I have genuine compassion and concern and will offer to help to the best of my ability . As long as demands are not being put on me or causing me distress , I have no issue hearing about what you are going through.
Refuah Shelaima!

Last edited by thunderstorm on Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:21 am; edited 1 time in total

Jewishfoodie

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:15 am

sequoia wrote:

Everyone is tired of me.

I think they’d be glad if I were dead.

No! Please don't ever say that! Or even think that! Omg!! Can't you see how much just your presence on this site has helped others? Can't you feel the love coming your way? Please! That just breaks my heart! I hope you have a COMPLETE Refuah and laugh at this one day but in the meantime, please! Look for reasons to smile. Any reasons. And if you need people to help you find reasons, we absolutely will! Hashem feels your pain and I beg Hashem to take your pain away and return your smile. Because I know you have a smile somewhere. Please tell us how we can actually help you. Please! Real HUGS! Hug

southernbubby

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:17 am

I see some people who can still show an interest in other people or other things, even when they are sick but some sick people become self-centered pains in the tuches.
I personally don't get tired of people with health issues unless they have no other topics of conversation except their problems and I also have limits of how much time I can spend helping. If they expect more than that then we have a problem.

amother

Teal

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:18 am

Why tired? I become greatful that I do have my own health and want to jump in and help them. It's not always possible but at least I try my best!

Jewishfoodie

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:18 am

I'm sorry OP. I wasn't trying to derail your thread. People don't "get sick" if being a friend. Either they help you when they can and don't when they can't, or they aren't a friend. Whoever makes an effort is doing so because they want to.

And your kindness towards sequoia shows that you are an empathetic person who is just as generous with your time as others are. Are you resentful to help others? Of course not!

Don't go down that rabbit hole plz. Stay strong and get better fast!

southernbubby

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:19 am

[quote="sequoia"]Everyone is tired of me.

I think they’d be glad if I were dead.[/quote

Not true.

sub

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Absolutely not. Don’t think like that for even one minute.

sub

Wed, Aug 07 2019, 9:28 am

sequoia wrote:

Everyone is tired of me.

I think they’d be glad if I were dead.

Chas vchalila. We can’t take away your pain, but we can try to alleviate your burden by helping you. Refuah shlaima
BTW- when will you be back?