High school chesed programs

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 7:59 pm

teachkids wrote:

I had friends in HS who traded- each one went to the other's house for an hour or two and played with the other one's siblings. So the mothers each had the same amount of help, and the school was satisfied.

Aren't they overlooking that chessed begins at home? To me this sounds like they're teaching the kids to do it for the glory, for the sake of being recognized.

Regardless, either way why can't this program be voluntary.? Let the mothers decide if they do or don't want their kids to participate.

thunderstorm

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why do high schools make these chesed programs mandatory? I need all the help my daughter can give me. I'd love for her to be encouraged to give more of a hand at home, instead of being encouraged to give outsiders her help.

When I went to school it was voluntary to sign up. You weren’t obligated. I actually helped my mother a lot (too much) and going to help others once a week was a reprieve for me. Also we had different options of chesed . Some girls tutored, some helped mothers with their kids, some did Kiruv type of work, some visited homebound people and some woke up super early to feed the elderly in nursing homes. There was still enough time to help our mothers too. Perhaps nowadays they feel the need to make it mandatory to keep girls away from boredom, with the hopes of keeping them out of trouble.

chestnut

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Schools figure, girls already help out at home. Remember those longer vacations before succos/pesach? Yep, to help at home.
The reason it's not voluntary, I think, is cause schools trying to teach/get girls in the habit of doing chessed. Similar to, say, davening - why can't it be voluntary and let girls decide if/where they want to daven.
I think it's literally a few hours per semester. Let's be honest - would those hours make a huge difference for you? Sure, they'll help, but really very little. Cause she's already supposed to help out at home.

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:06 pm

chestnut wrote:

School is asking for one day a week. That's a lot, imo.

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:08 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Bored? The girls have so much homework, and other school projects, they can barely breathe.

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:15 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Personally , I think one day a week is very reasonable.

It's totally subjective, that's why I'm asking why they can't make these programs voluntary instead of mandatory.

To me, one day a week is a lot. I have one daughter to give a hand, and while she helps out somewhat, she's reluctant to step up when I ask her to. So she'll be running out to give a hand to someone else, while I'll be left without any help at all. Why isn't Chesed at home considered to be worthy?

southernbubby

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:18 pm

I think that if there is something going on with a girl's family that her own mother gets first dibs and the mother should make an absolute nuisance of herself if the school administration is interfering with a family's needs.
Chessed that is forced is viewed as a burden and in all likelihood that opinion of it won't change.
The idea is to instill a desire to do good but I agree that family is first. I would hope that the schools would also view helping a married sibling, aunt, or grandparents as fulfilling the requirements but creating even more stress, dysfunction, and difficulty for the girl's own family is not a chessed and should not be tolerated.
There were also some chessed situations that as a mother, I had to say "enough" to for my girls and NOBODY wanted to tangle with me. Be that scary mother for your girls.

thunderstorm

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I consider it more of an outlet as opposed to her doing it in the name of chesed. High school girls are overloaded with school work and projects and these few hours that they call “chesed” is really an extra curricular activity to give them a break from the daily grind of helping at home and doing well at school. That’s how I always viewed it. If she never helps at home, I could understand the resentment. However if there are a lot of expectations for her to help at home , and she wants a break, I can understand why it’s easier to do chesed by someone else.

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:28 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I often run late at work, or work evenings and I need her around just to keep the daily grind going when that happens. Little things here and there, that make all the difference for the rest of the household. I don't think I need to account for the school why I need my daughter to be on hand for me. If they want to establish a program for after school hours, they should come ask me for my permission, and not have me run to them and beg them to allow me to keep my daughter on hand for my needs.

ruchelbuckle

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:33 pm

Schools have lots of reasons for running such programs-- chessed programs can be an important part of the curriculum, and they can be very useful for some girls-- some girls learn some very important 'soft skills' by participating in a program. Also, most schools have programs to choose from--- not just folding laundry at someone's house! In addition, the girls often benefit even by going to another family and helping at their house--- there is nothing wrong with a teenager to have another adult in her life who is a positive role model, even if the girl is from an "excellent" home (provided that the school screens the families, etc).

Also, I know that I give a lot to my "chesed girls" in other ways.... I usually purchase stuff from their fundraisers, maybe take out an ad in the production playbill, etc.-- I figure I spend about $100 each school year making contributions to their projects, fundraisers (well worth it for what they give me in return!)

In addition, I served as references for two of my chessed girls for counselor jobs or seminary. Oh, also, if I ever need a sitter (for pay) the chessed girls are the ones I call first to see if they are available.

That being said, if you have an issue with your daughter participating in a chessed program, then speak to a school administrator who runs the program and say that it's not a convenient time for your daughter to be participating in an extra-curricular. If you don't speak up, then how is anyone supposed to know that it's an issue for you?

But whining about it to a bunch of random ladies on the internet is unlikely going to solve your issue in a meaningful way.

ETA: I just read your second post. It's not clear if 1) you have an issue with the actual chessed program OR 2) you need your daughter at home at a certain time. If you have a problem with the actual program, then that's one thing. But if it's an issue with the timing, then you need to speak up.

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:41 pm

ruchelbuckle wrote:

Schools have lots of reasons for running such programs-- chessed programs can be an important part of the curriculum, and they can be very useful for some girls-- some girls learn some very important 'soft skills' by participating in a program. Also, most schools have programs to choose from--- not just folding laundry at someone's house! In addition, the girls often benefit even by going to another family and helping at their house--- there is nothing wrong with a teenager to have another adult in her life who is a positive role model, even if the girl is from an "excellent" home (provided that the school screens the families, etc).

Also, I know that I give a lot to my "chesed girls" in other ways.... I usually purchase stuff from their fundraisers, maybe take out an ad in the production playbill, etc.-- I figure I spend about $100 each school year making contributions to their projects, fundraisers (well worth it for what they give me in return!)

In addition, I served as references for two of my chessed girls for counselor jobs or seminary. Oh, also, if I ever need a sitter (for pay) the chessed girls are the ones I call first to see if they are available.

That being said, if you have an issue participating in a chessed program, then 1) realize it's for 1 hour a week or so. Seriously-- that 1 hour a week really makes that big of a difference to you? and 2) speak to a school administrator who runs the program and say that it's not a convenient time for your daughter to be participating in an extra-curricular. If you don't speak up, then how is anyone supposed to know that it's an issue for you.

But whining about it to a bunch of random ladies on the internet is unlikely going to help in a meaningful way.

I haven't discounted the validity or the nature of such programs. I'm just "whining" about the fact that the school is imposing on the parent's such mandatory requirements. They're overstepping their bounds by enforcing this outside of school hours. If it's what its made out to be, then why not designate the last period of a school day for the girls to partake in this?

I'm all for such programs - just make it voluntary or on the school's time.

amother

Mon, Sep 23 2019, 8:47 pm

ruchelbuckle wrote:

ETA: I just read your second post. It's not clear if 1) you have an issue with the actual chessed program OR 2) you need your daughter at home at a certain time. If you have a problem with the actual program, then that's one thing. But if it's an issue with the timing, then you need to speak up.

To clarify, the only problem I have is that such a program is mandatory. Allow the parents to decide if their kid should or should not partake. Again, I feel the school is overstepping its boundaries by enforcing what my daughter should do after school hours. I don't need to come to them to beg for permission for my own daughter to help me instead of someone else. They should come to me for permission to send my daughter on chessed opportunities.