Poor middle class | Imamother

amother

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 1:31 pm

My husband and I work so hard and BH make a very nice income. We only have enough for basics like mortgage, utilities, food, tuition.
Just venting, because it's very tough to see all these people on benefits that buy these expensive strollers, clothing etc. Id love to buy my kids nice shabbos shoes and accessories, which to most isn't considered a luxury, bit for now going to just stick with the cheap $20 Target type shoes.

amother

Crimson

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 1:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You own a house. If you need to look somewhere - look at the huge asset you have.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 1:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

welcome, same here! We both work very hard and still have to take tzedakah and cut corners from all sides.

watergirl

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 1:57 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

You own a house. If you need to look somewhere - look at the huge asset you have.

Exactly this. Owning a home is HUGE! Look at yourself and not others. Nothing good can come from it.

33055

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree with you. It's hard to see this. You have a valid point.

amother

Pink

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How much do you make?

dankbar

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:09 pm

I don't think the $20 headbands bought locally are any better than the $2 ones from Ali.
I don't think the $100 shabbos dresses for young kids are better quality then the $20 ones bought in dept stores. I personally don't think it's neccassary to spend that.

dankbar

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:14 pm

Because you are feeling deprived and bad that that you can't have those.
Even when you do see well dressed kids, you never know how much their parents actually paid for those clothes

33055

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:15 pm

dankbar wrote:

And what about the expensive strollers that you see the moms pushing when they go to the Medicaid office?

It also is a choice to spend $2 on a headband or $20. Why shouldn't OP have the same choices as those that collect benefits?

I am saying that it must be hard for OP seeing others provide better for their kids by not working hard.

amother

Amber

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:16 pm

I’m feeling like I’m missing something. I do not believe there are many cash paying jobs out there. That means that potentially, govt assistance is their only income? And even if they have ten kids and get a lot, it’s not enough to buy fancy shoes. So the question is if there are parents or in laws helping (eg for the stroller) or if they are in massive debt. I honestly get shocked over and over again how many people I thought were doing awesome based on how they spend only to find out they are in debt. I can agree though that I do remember noticing in the bakery that people who had food stamps (or whatever they are called today) would sometimes be buying a bunch of luxuries that I wouldn’t have cause I was paying out of pocket.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:28 pm

Count your blessings. It’s frustrating but you are fortunate to meme it. Btdt and now looking back I was so lucky to have what I had. Just be happy with what you have

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If people aren't using the money that Hashem gave them in a responsible manner, and need to take tzedaka etc. which could have gone to people who are truly needy, then that will be part of their din v'chesbon. So while you can be justifiably annoyed, know that if you are on the giving end of tzedaka and don't take from others, you will be rewarded, while others will have explaining to do. And we know Hashem cannot be fooled by excuses such as I need to have what everyone else has.

lora

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:41 pm

being middle class is a lifestyle. I get it, I'm in the same position and I get so frustrated when I see lines out of the overpriced brooklyn children boutiques while I shop on cheap websites so I can afford buying a house and paying full price on food, insurance, tuition and all. but as others mentioned many of these people actually cant afford what there buying, they are in debt in fact. maybe there doing it to feel good, maybe there cutting other important areas because this is what matters most to them... but each day your not in debt your richer then most of the population, each time you make the choice to spend less on a purchase that doesn't affect you long term, your smarter then most of the population.

amother

Crimson

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:45 pm

Squishy wrote:

It is hard for her - she posted as such.

The solution is to approach the situation with a different mindset.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 3:53 pm

I once came across a quote that really stuck with me - something like "the only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough." You're getting by? BH. They're getting by? BH.

Also, for what it's worth, you really don't know everyone's situation. Going anon right now because I always wear expensive designers and get complimented all the time for being fashionable but I've never paid full price in my life - so much of it is from thrifting, eBay, sample sales, consignment shops, etc. TMI

amother

Black

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 4:10 pm

I get you OP. I don't even pay full tuition. We cant save up for a house. Husband has a degree.. I am self employed working really crazy hours trying to make some $. I buy cheap and only what I need but there is really no place in the budget for it. I do all alterations myself ( I buy short stuff in department store and lengthen to save $$$).
We have to pay taxes instead of refund so no money for vacation and stuff. What depresses me more is that even when dh will get a raise he is aiming for, iyh we will pay more taxes, crazy high insurance we won't be much better off.
And then I see my neighbors husband barely working, wife sahm popping babies every year shopping away with kids dressed in the latest styles, yes it hurts. That is why I go out of town to my in laws every yom tov.

amother

Pearl

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 4:25 pm

Squishy wrote:

The price difference between an expensive stroller and a basic one is a few hundred dollars. Is that a lot of money? Sure. But its not going to be the difference between someone living on the edge and someone getting by.

Forget the stroller.

What do you think the reaction of non-Jews is when they hear that people are receiving thousands of dollars in government benefits, but sending their children to private school. That's going to get them a whole lot angrier than a stroller.

You're focused on the wrong thing.

giselle

Fri, Oct 04 2019, 4:29 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

I don’t agree. I think our high lifestyle looks worse. And I’m sure I’m as guilty as the next person.

ETA I don’t get benefits, I just mean that as a whole, the frum community has much higher standards of living, and it probably does not make the best impression on those outside our community.