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Anxiety in 5 year old. I need resources, advice, or workshop

 
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Oct 05 2019, 10:37 pm
My almost-5-year son needs constant reassurance to a level that is taking a toll on me (and dh, when he’s home). He will ask a question 10 times, and wait for me to answer “yes”. If there’s no yes, the question is repeated or he asks “so, yes?”. Lately, I started answering him that he knows the answer and I will not repeat myself. He then says, “oh! So you said x,y,z, right?” . I need to say yes, and validate him. It’s become too often, and too extreme. This is one scenario, but the one that happens the most often throughout the day. And ideas or tips? TIA
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amother




Azure


Post  Sat, Oct 05 2019, 10:55 pm
have him worked up for pandas by a pandas informed md
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amother




Ecru


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 12:01 am
If you are in NY you can get play therapy/Counseling for him through the DOE, but you need to start the process ASAP since you said he's almost 5. If I were you I'd do that so I can lock in the services even if you're still trying to figure out what's wrong.
My preschooler DC has pretty bad anxiety and gets play therapy 2x30 through the DOE. We have BH seen a lot of improvement in anxious behavior and in constant need for reassurance.
It can be tough. Good luck.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 12:06 am
The Fear Fix by Sarah Chana Radcliffe is an amazing resource
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chasdie Hashem




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 12:15 am
The fear fix is a book?
Where buy it
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amother




Navy


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 12:31 am
OP, when you listen and respond to his question, do you focus on him with good eye contact?Is it a conversation, or just a terse response?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 6:00 am
BTDT!

https://www.theworks.co.uk/p/f.....45754 Seattle Children's Hospital does a 7 week workshop for kids, and a separate parenting workshop based on this book. There are excellent examples and things to practice with your child.

I'm halfway through this book, and I can't put it down: https://www.amazon.com/Playful.....02294 Please find a therapist who specializes in Nariative Therapy.

For now, you need to stop reassuring him so much, because every time you do, it reinforces in his mind that there is something to worry about. I know it seems counter intuitive, but he's getting a lot of attention this way, and you need to ignore it as much as possible.

The first time he asks you his question, answer him. The second time he asks you the same question, say "Do you remember what I said the first time? Can you tell me what I said?" This will help cement the idea in his mind that everything is OK. After that, do NOT get sucked back in. Just remind him that you already answered that question, and that he knows the answer for himself now.

Eventually the questions will stop, and so will the anxious behavior. DD used to run around the house every night, checking every single door and window at least 3 times. Eventually she got down to two times, and then one time, and then she'd just ask me "Did you remember to lock the door?" and that was it. The less I paid attention to her anxiety, the less the anxiety could control her.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 8:34 am
amother [ Navy ] wrote:
OP, when you listen and respond to his question, do you focus on him with good eye contact?Is it a conversation, or just a terse response?


Yes I tried that at a certain point. I looked him in the eye and showed him I was paying full attention. It didn’t get better then, only worse.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 8:37 am
Double post
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 8:38 am
I’m [quote="amother [ OP ]"]
FranticFrummie wrote:
BTDT!

The first time he asks you his question, answer him. The second time he asks you the same question, say "Do you remember what I said the first time? Can you tell me what I said?" This will help cement the idea in his mind that everything is OK. After that, do NOT get sucked back in. Just remind him that you already answered that question, and that he knows the answer for himself now.

That’s what I started doing lately, but was wondering if I’m doing the right thing or not. I felt bad that he’s staying with so much to worry about and mommy is not helping him. I will continue doing this for now because I need to stay sane, and not lose it.
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tf




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 8:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes I tried that at a certain point. I looked him in the eye and showed him I was paying full attention. It didn’t get better then, only worse.

This needs to be done with any child at any age, not only to target a specific behavior. Keep doing it even if the other option helped better for the target behavior.
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amother




Tangerine


Post  Sun, Oct 06 2019, 9:28 am
OP, yes, it's a book. You can purchase on amazon.
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