Hey you, the one with six kids

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:30 pm

...or even you, the one with four kids?

How do you freakin do it?!
How?
I bow down to you, I kiss the ground you walk on. But how?
How do you get up early enough to get dressed? How do you make a million lunches? Keep up with the ENDLESS laundry, household organization, groceries, errands, chores, and so on..
How do you care for yourself?
Get dressed and look put together? And get to work without sweat marks?

Does this exist without help?

I have two beautiful children (and a DH who I also care for like my own children in some areas), I work, and I get 1 hour of cleaning help a week. Everything else is primarily on me.
But you, mom with more kids than me.
How do you do it?

Because I can’t imagine one more...

amother

Gold

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

A baby and a toddler

Those years are a blur. And a struggle. When I had 2 and 3 little ones I barely had cleaning help (good news was my house was a lot smaller than it is now)
But nothing was perfect and I was tired and life moved on.
Now my kids are a bit bigger, I have enough cleaning help and it's a lot easier..
You'll get there. Just keep going and stop looking at everyone else..

Last edited by amother on Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mint

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:38 pm

The older kids help.
The older kids entertain the younger kids.
I cut a lot of corners.
A LOT.
Like REALLY A LOT.
Like WAY more than you would ever consider functional.

I have a pretty high tolerance for chaos (somewhat learned, somewhat natural).
I have relatively easy pregnancies.
I work from home.
My house isn't organized, and most of the time I don't care.

I figured out how to make the laundry work. (hint: lazy)
I figured out how to make the groceries work (online orders).
I figured out how to make lunches work (no-spread).
I send my DH to do all the errands.
I shop online.

I figured I'm on a kid locomotive that takes about 20 years, and I'm gonna grab as many as I can handle for this ride!

I'm lazy, disorganized, selfish, messy, and a very happy mother of more than six BH.

amother

Black

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:39 pm

I have 4 kids in 10 years. 2 were pretty close. I had my youngest when they were all old enough to feed and dress themselves.

I was also a SAHM from baby #3 until my youngest went to school.

I dont have cleaning help. I admit it's a problem. If anyone know of cleaning help that can start after 5 pm in Monsey please let me know.

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:47 pm

small bean wrote:

That's how it was for me. 3 kids all little, you are constantly busy, the 4th didn't really change that (that's how I felt)

I hope you can go away on your own a bit to relax and get some needed space. (Without your husband as we take care of them also)

Yesssss.
And I often feel so guilty that sometimes I literally could just want a night alone after the kids go to bed...

I love DH and he is an amazing help.
He’s also an extra breakfast, lunch, and dinner to make. More dishes. More and tons of laundry. So I consider myself having 3 children... it feels like it. Since it’s an extra persons needs I’m very much responsible for Bh.
I love it. I love every minute of it all!
I just can’t imagine another child.
I can’t imagine how others do it!
I lose my mind sometimes as it is now...

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:49 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Ohhhh but I just can’t help it.
You’re all amazing... and I wish I could have more koach like you

amother

Orchid

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:49 pm

I don't know about the rest of you, but I find teenage angst very difficult to deal with when I'm up at night with a baby. And once said baby has woken me up, it's harder to get back to sleep when I'm worrying about my 8th grader getting into high school. And a 10 year old who can dress themselves and get their own cereal may still need me to sit with them doing homework at the same time the toddler needs to run around outside and the baby is screaming. And the seminary open houses, and shidduchim...

Not easy.

Odelyah

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:53 pm

you need a lot more than one hour a week of cleaning help-- when my kids were littler I prioritized this above spending on pretty much anything else beyond essentials. Think of things you can cut back on that aren't important right now, and get as many hours of household help you can afford. I was advised this by a very great rebbetzin in the early years of my marriage, and it was a great reality check for me (and prevented a lot of guilt and internal pressure to be a martyr with a superwoman complex)

amother

Peach

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 8:59 pm

I Have eight kids ka"h, my oldest is in the seventh grade- so, really close.
Honestly, I manage better now than when I was in your stage.
I can't quite explain why, but I definitely learned many coping skills over time.

Life is hectic, but I feel that I'm on top of things.
I feel very fulfilled.

amother

Mint

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 9:22 pm

As others said, the first few are the hardest.
You are still getting broken into the whole parenting thing.
You don't know what's a big deal and what you can let slide.
You still think you can and should do it all.

I'm MUCH more laid back now.
I find some things that were impossible before now no big deal.

Would you believe that with my first, I couldn't even change his dirty diapers myself? I'd have to wait for DH to get home! (I was lucky that he worked nearby and came home several times during the day.)
My house was messier then, and it would take me longer to clean it.
Making Shabbos was a monumental task and we almost never stayed home because it was too much for me. (Now, I regularly have guests, and I don't consider it even a stress.)

Being overwhelmed with two is in no way an indicator that you won't be an amazing mom of many.

Your first few kids make you a mom.
It takes time until you fully grow into the role.
But once you do, things really do get easier.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 9:35 pm

I've got 6 kids, 3 under 3. My kids are high maintenance bh!
My kids are no help- lazy... don't even bother asking them for help, it will just reduce the last bit of my energy to beg...
I've had no cleaning help till now. How? Dunno
Now I came to my senses and decided that there's a limit to how much a person can do.
I did take a high school girl as a mothers helper after dinner 3x a week. She folded laundry, washed dishes, table, floors, iron shirts. That is a lifesaver for when I'm sonked and don't have the energy to clean up.
I have a full time schedule being a SAHM. Believe me, I'm working harder than many who go out to work. It's easier to sit at a desk working on computer than having 3 in diapers.
My me time, Self care? IMAMOTHER!!!
But it's a very satisfying job and I feel blessed to be busy with such delicious Nachas!!!

amother

Apricot

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 9:55 pm

I don't work, except for once a week occasionally. take fourteen hours of cleaning/laundry help
I make a meal plan on sunday
I have a laundry system in place for years. I wash only twice a week and my help puts it away the following day
and nobody manages. get to know that now

mom2mysouls

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:05 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

This.
I manage better bc when I have another baby, I know what I'm in for. BTDT.
When a kid tantrums, I know how to deal with it. BTDT.
There is structure. An official bedtime. With 2 kids I still ran mall shopping or went out late. Not with 8. There is homework time. A system.
Suppertime is together. Kids eat better when they're together with siblings. They socialize. Little kids listen better when they follow that the older ones are listening.
Older kids can help physically (even though they take up a lot of emotional energy)
I never had a cleaning lady, but I also don't work.
I am very particular, but I learnt to let go ALOT. With each addition, my kids teach me to work more on myself.
I used to have expectations of what I wanted to accomplish (bake cakes, challohs, finish all ironing, shopping, painting etc)...These days, I plan but I have my priorities that comes first. Main thing the kids are fed, clean, happy, get hugged, did their hmwrk...I'm good. I always have to work on myself not to be perfect and do everything on my goal list.

I learnt one thing in life. If you go around worrying and thinking you don't manage, you will feel it. I used to worry so much with 2 kids, 3 kids...but things get easier. If you really believe you can manage, you will. Don't underestimate yourself!