Hey you, the one with six kids

amother

Natural

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

...or even you, the one with four kids?

How do you freakin do it?!
How?
I bow down to you, I kiss the ground you walk on. But how?
How do you get up early enough to get dressed? How do you make a million lunches? Keep up with the ENDLESS laundry, household organization, groceries, errands, chores, and so on..
How do you care for yourself?
Get dressed and look put together? And get to work without sweat marks?

Does this exist without help?

I have two beautiful children (and a DH who I also care for like my own children in some areas), I work, and I get 1 hour of cleaning help a week. Everything else is primarily on me.
But you, mom with more kids than me.
How do you do it?

Because I can’t imagine one more...

Yes - to answer your question - it DOES exist without help. I have 8 kids under 11 years old ka"h and don't have any cleaning or childcare help and I have MS.

How do I do it...well, it takes organization and discipline at least for me. I also love it and wouldn't change anything - aside for the MS, of course

Don't worry about what anyone else is doing - just enjoy your household and family! What works for one doesn't work for another.

I rarely go out or run errands - gives me plenty of time for cleaning, laundry etc. I can get almost everything and anything shipped to the house which makes the biggest of differences! I do grocery orders online and just pick up from the store. There are all kinds of things you can do to make things run a little easier and simpler and smoother.

Odelyah

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yesssss.
And I often feel so guilty that sometimes I literally could just want a night alone after the kids go to bed...

I love DH and he is an amazing help.
He’s also an extra breakfast, lunch, and dinner to make. More dishes. More and tons of laundry. So I consider myself having 3 children... it feels like it. Since it’s an extra persons needs I’m very much responsible for Bh.
I love it. I love every minute of it all!
I just can’t imagine another child.
I can’t imagine how others do it!
I lose my mind sometimes as it is now...

also trying to understand how you work and are making 3 meals a day for your husband? And here I pat myself on the back that I serve my family a decent homemade supper most nights.. when I had my first baby and I was commuting and teaching and my husband was in kollel he even ate supper in yeshiva for a little while! (We had no family in town to help, and the extremely generous meals from the kollel nshei and the wonderful neighbors wound down eventually!!) Also I'm a big conservationist but Hashem made paper plates for a reason and you are it. At this point you should not be using so many dishes, if you are the only one washing them.

Odelyah

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:23 pm

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

Kol hakavod, really, and refuah shelaima, but just to clarify do you also work? OP also said she works. (Meaning, of course, employment or business besides all the work of running a home that we are discussing Smile

)

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:25 pm

I don't have six, but I am expecting my fourth and my oldest is 8. I don't think its smart to plan for a specific number. Each baby is a PERSON and you take them one at a time, when you are ready. I don't think anyone with 2 kids can imagine what 8 is like. I can't rely on my kids to help because my oldest has some emotional issues and the other two are really too small to help meaningfully.

How do I do it:
let go of perfection
hire help
make systems
inlist husband
communicate to kids about your limitations
prioritize self care like your life depends on it. this will mean diff things to diff people. for me it is: therapy, accupuncture, eating well, taking baths, getting together with friends, running, getting enough sleep, playing piano, painting.)

amother

Natural

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:28 pm

Odelyah wrote:

)

Yes, I do - I'm on mat leave now though currently. We get 18 months in Canada.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:37 pm

I guess you’re not talking to me because you’d probably think that I’m not managing
I have 4 kids
I’m not working now
All my kids are in school and I have 9 hours of cleaning help a week... way more than I had when my kids were very small
I’m exhausted.. almost all the time
I have a hard time getting my kids out to school on time... it takes everything out of me to get through the morning routine
When I do a big grocery shopping (usually once a week), by the time I put all the packages away I need a nap
I skip making supper a few times a week and either give my kids bagels, pizza or packaged noodle soup.
I only use disposable dishes and silverware.
When my kids come home they need my help with homework. I’m not so smart and often my junior high school daughters homework is too hard for me and we both get frustrated.
By the time I’m done with homework I feel like I deserve a vacation. After my kids go to sleep all I want is my bed.
I guess I’m a low energy person who’s not so capable.

sky

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:42 pm

small bean wrote:

That's how it was for me. 3 kids all little, you are constantly busy, the 4th didn't really change that (that's how I felt)

I hope you can go away on your own a bit to relax and get some needed space. (Without your husband as we take care of them also)

4th one didn’t add too much. I remember going on vacation with 4 kids - ages 5-10. It was great. No diapers, carriages, pack n plays.
But now I have 6 - with a toddler and baby. It’s hard.

While its true the older ones care for themselves physically - they still have lists of errands and needs and shopping. So many appts to keep track of - eyes, dentist, well, specialists, orthodontist, therapists...

I may not be bathing them or dressing them but they are up to all hours of the night.
I remember the days when 7 o clock I had the house to myself. Now I’m listening and advising and entertaining until I go to bed.
And mixing babies and toddlers with teens and preteens is hard.

The stages change and it’s def fulfilling and rewarding and I wouldn’t exchange it for the world. But It’s exhausting and draining.

Last edited by sky on Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

Odelyah

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:43 pm

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

Yes, I do - I'm on mat leave now though currently. We get 18 months in Canada.

Wow ok well that's a huge difference though. We should really all move to Canada.

No we should really move to EY -not sure what their maternity leave is like though but I'm sure it's better than the US (because every other country's is better than the US's)

gold21

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:48 pm

small bean wrote:

That's why. As they get older they dont demand as much from you. It becomes much more dealing with their emotions and their feelings, and stuff then physical. They also help out more and help with the younger ones.

Very few people have 6 kids, all toddlers and babies.

Older children are physically demanding in their own way

Larger, more complex appetites (pasta and fish sticks won't cut it)- this is particularly applicable to boys who are at that age where they're constantly going through a growth spurt....

Endless laundry....

Homework assistance....

There's definitely plenty of physical work involved with older children

I don't find I'm dealing with so much emotion. My older ones are boys, so I'm sure that colors my experience.

I never understand when people say things like "once u have this many kids, another won't make a difference".

Every child requires time and attention, and therefore will definitely make a difference.

I "felt" every single one of my babies. KA"H.

gold21

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:53 pm

sky wrote:

The 4th didn't add much, even as a newborn, infant, toddler, "terrible-two"er?

SingALong

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:56 pm

how I managed

I stopped working by kid number 5
Used the time while My kids are in school to organize house/cook supper/self care tasks/ rest
Took more cleaning help
Hired a homework helper
Give my 2 oldest kids household tasks/responsibilities
got an account by a local car service for when my 2 oldest need to go to a friend after school or gym or something.
Limit my daily to do list to what I can manage, even if something needs to be postponed

sky

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:58 pm

gold21 wrote:

The 4th didn't add much, even as a newborn, infant, toddler, "terrible-two"er?

For me they were close so I was still in baby-toddler mode. Life was just geared to all that. Obviously not all are like that.
(Personally im finding going back to baby-toddler mode with big kids so much harder)

gold21

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:14 pm

sky wrote:

Yeah. Totally hear that. Balancing the different stages at once is a lot.

For me, sleep deprivation affects me big time, so a newborn always changes things in the house until the baby sleeps decently at night. Sleep deprivation is number one for me in terms of adjusting to a new addition.

small bean

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 12:07 am

gold21 wrote:

My oldest is now almost 13 and youngest is 16 months, 7 kids. I dont find that balancing them is harder than when the first 3 were babies. It's just different gears being used. Also I can run out now, I have a babysitter. I do a lot of errands at night, while the littles sleep and my daughter babysits.

gold21

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 12:14 am

small bean wrote:

Hmmm. I would imagine that 7 kids should feel harder than 3....

Do you rely on the older children a lot?

Or is it possible that you're a very high energy person and don't get phased by additional responsibilities?

I will openly state (to the horror of frum superwomen worldwide) that I'm not. I'm just a regular (....lower end of regular maybe) energy person. Eh. Oh well. Bottom line for me is I need my sleep. If I get my sleep, I'm a happy camper. Smile

. I actually remember telling this to my husband when we were dating, that I'm not one of those energizer bunny frum housewives.

I will openly admit that I do get quite tired at night.

Lol.

tichellady

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 12:42 am

rachelbg wrote:

Side note: Not everyone can afford cleaning help, or more of it, so telling an OP “you need more help” May not only be nonproductive, but possibly hurtful.

Totally. Not everyone can afford to have a big family either ( physically, emotionally, financially etc) so that’s relevant too. Not everyone has big families for all sorts of reasons and that’s ok

amother

Orange

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 1:53 am

"I figured I'm on a kid locomotive that takes about 20 years, and I'm gonna grab as many as I can handle for this ride!"

This is such a great line!

When we had our first DC, someone told us it didn't matter how many more we had, because we'd have no spare time anyway! LOL

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 2:07 am

I know someone with 8 kids under the age of 11.
Runs a gan and a successful busy desert and fruit platter company from home at the evening and nights.
DH in kollel so no cleaning help.

Her house is very clean, and she is a loving and wonderful person.
She is VERY organized. LIKE EXTREMELY. Disciplined too!
Living in Israel she is also a minimalist. Her children probably have only 5 weekday outfits and 4-5 shabbos each and wear uniforms most of the time. (7 are girls)

You have to be very organized and disciplined. I could never do it. I don't know how she has time to cook so much, especially for shabbos making like a whole 5 course meal.