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Visiting community for Shabbos, but rabbi's son's BM. Bad?

 
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 10:54 am
Hi, we're thinking about moving to a particular community/shul and it would be convenient to visit for Shabbat this weekend. However, we found out that the head rabbi's son is being Bar Mitzvah'd this Shabbat. We're afraid that this would be a really bad time to visit the shul/community and that it would in no way give us an accurate representation of that the shul is actually like. Do you tend to agree?
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amother




Coral


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 10:55 am
I don't see what the issue is. What's the big deal about a Bar Mitzva?
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 11:02 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Hi, we're thinking about moving to a particular community/shul and it would be convenient to visit for Shabbat this weekend. However, we found out that the head rabbi's son is being Bar Mitzvah'd this Shabbat. We're afraid that this would be a really bad time to visit the shul/community and that it would in no way give us an accurate representation of that the shul is actually like. Do you tend to agree?


Yes. You're not going to get a real idea of the community at the rabbi's son's bar mitzvah. Go another week.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 11:11 am
amother [ Coral ] wrote:
I don't see what the issue is. What's the big deal about a Bar Mitzva?


For one, it's an OOT community with a congregation of varying degrees of frum'ness (from black-hatters to even a few people who drive on shabbos). Rabbi is a FFB black-hatter. I'd imagine the shul is going to be filled with the rabbi's black-hatter relatives and friends who are in town for the BM, and we won't get any sense of what the actual community is like. We won't be able to see what the vibe is like among the regular congregants at the kiddush, etc. The rabbi will be busy and won't be able to spend any time with us. That kind of thing...
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 11:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
For one, it's an OOT community with a congregation of varying degrees of frum'ness (from black-hatters to even a few people who drive on shabbos). Rabbi is a FFB black-hatter. I'd imagine the shul is going to be filled with the rabbi's black-hatter relatives and friends who are in town for the BM, and we won't get any sense of what the actual community is like. We won't be able to see what the vibe is like among the regular congregants at the kiddush, etc. The rabbi will be busy and won't be able to spend any time with us. That kind of thing...

I think you just answered your own question.
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lavenderchimes




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 11:29 am
If it's feasiable, I would go now and again later. More visits is better, anyway. If more than one visit isn't possible, don't go this weekend.
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challahchallah




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 12:29 pm
When we visit communities, we always try to avoid bar mitzvah’s if possible because, as you said, the vibe changes and you don’t know who’s a regular. Also, since people tend to assume unfamiliar faces are there for the simcha, you often don’t have as many people introduce themselves. I’d expect the rabbi’s son’s bar mitzvah would amplify these issues. On the other hand, if you do have the ability to go multiple times, it can be good to see what a really festive week at a particular shul looks like.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:00 pm
Do you have a place to stay and did you already make the arrangements? The bar mitzvah would be a way to see the shul full and then you can come another time and see the shul the way it may be on a regular shabbos. Also, they may have some members that go away for the winter to a warmer climate. If it is the shul I am thinking of (midwest with vouchers for school if you live in a few cities), the Rabbi and Family are wonderful welcoming people. The Rebbitzin is very involved in the shul. The shul is not mostly black hatters. There are other shuls around the neighborhood within walking distance.
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gibberish




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:25 pm
challahchallah wrote:
When we visit communities, we always try to avoid bar mitzvah’s if possible because, as you said, the vibe changes and you don’t know who’s a regular. Also, since people tend to assume unfamiliar faces are there for the simcha, you often don’t have as many people introduce themselves. I’d expect the rabbi’s son’s bar mitzvah would amplify these issues. On the other hand, if you do have the ability to go multiple times, it can be good to see what a really festive week at a particular shul looks like.


Agreed. Try to reschedule. The dynamics may be very different with lots of guests. You'll probably also have less opportunity to interact with and get to know the Rabbi.
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thanks




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
For one, it's an OOT community with a congregation of varying degrees of frum'ness (from black-hatters to even a few people who drive on shabbos). Rabbi is a FFB black-hatter. I'd imagine the shul is going to be filled with the rabbi's black-hatter relatives and friends who are in town for the BM, and we won't get any sense of what the actual community is like. We won't be able to see what the vibe is like among the regular congregants at the kiddush, etc. The rabbi will be busy and won't be able to spend any time with us. That kind of thing...


You answered your own question. Go a different week if you can.
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essie14




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Nov 13 2019, 1:54 am
The vibe in our shul changes drastically when there is a bar mitzvah. I wouldn't want prospective new members to base their opinion on the shul from a bar mitzvah Shabbat.
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