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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Do you write besula on the invitation for dd ?
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 2:35 pm
It sounds very crude? Some people do write it and some people don’t. Wwyd? Dd is not not bt.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 2:36 pm
I wouldn’t it’s no ones business
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amother
Peach


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 2:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It sounds very crude? Some people do write it and some people don’t. Wwyd? Dd is not not bt.


No I did not write besulah on my daughter's wedding invitation. I also did not write raayahso instead of my name like I sometimes see other people do.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 2:44 pm
It’s no ones business
Between her, her husband, and Hashem no one else
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iammom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 2:49 pm
amother [ Lilac ] wrote:
It’s no ones business
Between her, her husband, and Hashem no one else


And the Rav who writes up the kesuba...
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amother
Purple


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:09 pm
I understand not writing it if she isn't a besulah, but if she is, why not write it? Isn't it the standard?
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amother
Blush


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:12 pm
Guys calm down. It's not like we are trying to make sure that every guest knows she has never been with another man before. It's just something that is commonly written. I don't think anyone will notice if you do or don't write it.
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Cheiny




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:22 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It sounds very crude? Some people do write it and some people don’t. Wwyd? Dd is not not bt.


It says it in the ketubah anyway which is read out loud under the chuppa.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:26 pm
Oh for crying out loud.
Religion is crude.
Get over it. Ok?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:26 pm
True, but under the chuppah nobody’s listening and it’s usually mumble jumble mumble jumble anyway. The invite is being read and sometimes dissected. And the bride’s status is not the business of any wedding guest.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:29 pm
Oh for God's sake, besula on an invitation means a girl, literally. Just like by the chasson you write habachur.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:29 pm
my rabbi coughed when that was read under the chuppah(I had a brief marriage before )
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:31 pm
I have never seen that on an invitation, nor do I ever want to see that on an invitation.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:36 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
I understand not writing it if she isn't a besulah, but if she is, why not write it? Isn't it the standard?


It’s not written on invitations in my circles; I would find that very disconcerting.
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Odelyah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:38 pm
I always found it to be a bit.. much. Some people do and some don't. I didn't put it on mine, even though I was, and had a fleeting thought that some people might have thought it was an intentional omission, since I was a bit of a free spirit in high school (but not that much of a free spirit).

As far as the kesuba IME the practice is usually to write it anyway. It's an agreement between chasan and kallah as long as both sides agree to the terms it doesn't concern anyway else if a non-besula is getting a besula level monetary commitment, which is what this is about.
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:38 pm
by us its standard unless circumstances are otherwise. yes,we put it.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:38 pm
in my circles they don't write it
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Odelyah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:42 pm
amother [ Plum ] wrote:
Oh for God's sake, besula on an invitation means a girl, literally. Just like by the chasson you write habachur.


yes I know, in the communities where this is the norm. If you're not used to it sounds like Victorian TMI

it's pretty standard in Chassidish/heimish communities correct?

In my yeshivish circles I see both.
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amother
Red


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:44 pm
No way. Tacky and unnecessary. Why don’t they post the boy’s virginity status too?
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Nov 12 2019, 3:47 pm
I did not want that on my wedding invitation. It's no one's business, and it shouldn't be in everyone's face.

I see it on some invitations but not others. Sometimes it just says "hakallah hamehulelah" or "hakallah."


Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 17 2019, 10:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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