Mothers of many, do you agree?

Ruchel

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 4:30 pm

Ladies who have 4+ children:
- do you agree with the experience of this frum mother of 9 under 10?
- do you find it easy to put your child to bed so early??

"How do you cope with non sleeping children?
Sorry, but all my children sleep.
Those who are 3 to 10 sleep from 7.30 pm to 6.45 am
Those who are under 3 sleep from 7 pm to 8.30 am

No one goes out of bed at night to wake me up. Except my 1 month old, who calls but obviously doesn't get up lol
He calls, I prop up an already made bottle, and I run back to sleep.

That's my tip: I teach them very quick to be independent at night. And they have to get THAT I DONT LIKE TO BE WAKEN UP, AND IT'S NOT CUDDLE OR PLAY TIME.

And it works."

mummy-bh

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 4:43 pm

Quote:

That's my tip: I teach them very quick to be independent at night. And they have to get THAT I DONT LIKE TO BE WAKEN UP, AND IT'S NOT CUDDLE OR PLAY TIME

And she's also teaching them that mummy doesn't love or care for you unless it's your alloted hours.

micki

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 4:46 pm

all my children must be in their rooms by 8 pm
the youngers are asleep teh olders can read do wahtever.
as to waking me up... lets jsut say I have not slept a full night in 10 years!

TzenaRena

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 4:55 pm

I can't imagine that. At one time I was like Micki, waking up at least three times a night for nursing, changing wet children, and tending to a child with fever or ear infection, covering a child whose blanket got kicked off. I don't get how a parent can ignore any of those things.

mummy-bh

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 4:55 pm

You know, I'm baffled by your friend, Ruchel. For argument's sake, lets forget about the poor screaming one-month old Sad

Did this woman never have a kid wake up scared in the night from a thunderstorm? Or how about if one of her kids throws up - does "they have to learn to be independent" mean they must clean up, put themselves in the bath if necessary and change their own bedding?
Poor kids...........

(OK, maybe I'm not in a position to talk. I 'only' had 8 under 10.5 k'h)

Ruchel

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:05 pm

I wish I could answer more questions, but I don't know her well AT ALL.

A few things I can think of:
- throwing up, I don't know how frequent that is, as when a kid catches a bug that makes him throw up, he's given anti nausea meds. So, few kids will throw up many times in the same day, according to what I hear. I remember, as a child, being sick. After one throw up, I was given something that "killed" the nausea...
- Fever, infections: we also give anti fever and painkillers, so in my experience, when dd had this, she didn't wake up more. Maybe hers too.

The rest, who knows... I was very surprised. I saw similar things from non frum/Jewish, but wanted to find a frum one to see if it was done too.

Ribbie Danzinger

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:14 pm

Quote:

No one goes out of bed at night to wake me up. Except my 1 month old, who calls but obviously doesn't get up lol
He calls, I prop up an already made bottle, and I run back to sleep.

That's my tip: I teach them very quick to be independent at night. And they have to get THAT I DONT LIKE TO BE WAKEN UP, AND IT'S NOT CUDDLE OR PLAY TIME.

And it works.

I agree with her. My children also sleep through the night, although I nurse all my babies, b"H (no bottles propped up in bed, I don't like that idea at all). By the time the baby is weaned, he knows that he is expected to sleep through the entire night.
Even when they're sick ch"v (which isn't very often, b"H) they usually sleep through the night.
Obviously, if they wake up, they get the attention they need, but I don't allow them to get up for anything except to relieve themselves or change clothing etc. If they are thirsty, they are allowed to drink water and nothing else.

Ribbie Danzinger

Wed, Jan 09 2008, 5:17 pm

Quote:

And she's also teaching them that mummy doesn't love or care for you unless it's your alloted hours.

There are ways of showing a mother's love other than hugs and cuddles in the middle of the night. One of them is to show that you care that your kids get a good night's sleep and that they have a functional mother to care for their needs in the morning.

amother

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 6:05 am

My kids know they can wake me or dh during the night if they are not feeling well. They also know if they are scared they can come to my room and sleep on the floor with a pillow and blanket, but not to wake us up (after my oldest woke dh and I up for weeks, we made this rule...she's 10) My son, 3, likes to sleep on my bed. It's a phase and I think it's cute. He obviously needs Imma time, so I don't care. Babies get what they need, even at 2 am!

mimivan

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 6:16 am

I'm not quite a mother of many yet, but this is why I like co-sleeping. My 17 month old needs comforting in the middle of the night, so I give him milk an put him back down with me. It makes things easier. If my four year old gets up (which is almost never b'h) he is sent promptly back to bed after a drink or whatever he needs. I co slept with him too and see from experience it doesn't "spoil" kids at all...

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 7:44 am

I had to teach my kids that once it's 8 mommy is no longer avail., or I would get nothing done in my home..

So I do have to put them in bed by 7 or 7:30 so that they get their talking etc out of their systems.. any later and they are up until very late, with talking and reading. Of course I give them hugs and kisses, and they know that if they are REALLY sick or scared they can come and cuddle.

But before my limitation they were constantly bugging me, and nothing was getting done.. Esp when I rely on that time for my homework when I classes.

Raisin

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 8:02 am

I agree. My kids also sleep through the night, except for very young babies. Of course,if they are sick, or have an accident, or whatever we are there to help them. bh it doesn't happen too often.

I am not very good at the first hour or so after they are meant to be in bed. Dh is much stricter. But on the whole they are pretty good about staying in bed.

greentiger

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 8:30 am

My mother would get very grumpy when woken up, and not at all the type for night cuddles or anything. She now tells over a story how when one of us woke up in the morning and was telling her about an awful nightmare they woke up from. Mom asks, "So why didn't you wake me??", Daughter: "I'd rather have the worst nightmare than wake YOU up."
Lol!

mother48

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 9:33 am

I do agree with the getting e/o to sleep at a certain time so mommy has time for herself and time to recharge. but I'm amazed that she can convice her 10yr old to go to sleep at 8 each night...

that being said, if your child wakes you for something at night, if it's not the norm, take care of it, and give a kiss before you put them back into bed. I think I kiss my baby every time before I put her back into her crib.

totally disagree with proping up a bottle. dangerous on all accounts!! and how is it warm? who makes sure baby doesn't ch'vsl choke, or burps, or needs to be changed from a dirty diaper so he won't get a rash? and how do you know the baby drank the bottle and it didn't fall, or make sure the bottle was in the mouth, and not going to fast....

Ribbie Danzinger

Thu, Jan 10 2008, 9:34 am

Just another point: I don't think this has anything to do with having many children. It is a matter of personality and individual needs of the mother. I remember when my first child was six weeks old, we had visitors stay with us for Shabbat. After the men went to shul, I put the baby to bed and he started crying. My guest said to me, "the baby's crying!" I said, "Yes, I know, he'll stop in a minute or two." And lo and behold, in a few moments, his crying reached a peak and then stopped.
The woman was astounded.