How can I prepare my kids for my being away

amother

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 12:39 pm

I think there was a similar thread not long ago but I couldnt find it.
Dh and I are going away for a week, and I'm a bit nervous about leaving our kids. I'm sure they'll manage fine, but more like, what if they're sad or anxious and need a hug type of thing?
So I'd love to prepare something for them to each take to the friend they are going to. Besides for a gift for the family and treats, what are some ideas of things I can send along? Or any ideas of good ways to prepare them.
They're young, under 9.
Thanks.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 12:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just want to wait for 10 days in September, I sent a gift each day for them to open with a note from us. I also sent a gift from Amazon during our stay as a surprise. We spoke on the phone and video called a lot. I also made a calendar for each of them 2 count down when we were coming home, and I put specific dates where they were able to open a special treat.

amother

Blush

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 12:53 pm

Don't make a big deal out of it. The bigger of a deal you make, the more anxious and homesick they will be. Send along a game or treat for the family and that's it!! Talking to them too often will just make them more homesick, especially the younger ones. It's just for a week, they will survive.

trixx

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:20 pm

I don't agree with the general sentiment of keeping kids out of the loop. Even a baby will know something is different. Better to prep them beforehand and discuss what will happen and the various scenarios.

amother

Orange

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:25 pm

We gave out kids (age 6 and 4) one of our household devices that had whatsapp on it. They were allowed to use it under adult supervision-and whatsapped us as freely as they liked. They coudlnt typen but easily sent voice recordings, emojis, and selfies. They knew not to expect a reply right away. But the direct, constant communication between them and mommy and daddy was amazing. Way better than doing a phonecall for 5 min

miami85

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:33 pm

I went away for 4 days--Thursday-Sunday (which turned into Monday) for the first time ever from my kids, I told my kids I was going away and they needed to cooperate for their father, but didn't really do anything special for them other than buying stuff for them while I was away. Of course they barely wanted to speak to me when I called. My toddler was asleep when I came home and when he woke up barely acknowledged my presence. My child with anxious tendencies told me to go back to where I had been. I felt REAL loved.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:43 pm

miami85 wrote:

Lol. When my kids stayed with my DH and I went away they complained that I came back too fast. They liked when I was away.
It’s normal for toddlers to show disinterest upon your return . Sometimes they make believe they don’t know who you are. All very normal behavior. Within 24 hours it’s all but forgotten about .

amother

Ruby

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:48 pm

miami85 wrote:

Anxious avoidant. It's a thing. Does nobody on this site understand attachment theory?

miami85

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:49 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Yea, yea he got over it, he's just usually very attached to me and insists on sleeping with me--we were hoping that he'd break the habit while I was away, which he sort of did, and when I came home was extra clingy to my husband, but within a day or two he was back to sleeping with me.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 1:49 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Typical but not normal, and it will come up in therapy 20 years later.
I'm not suggesting parents not go away. Just saying science knows better now. Just bc you can't see the damage doesn't mean it hasn't been done (and conversely you can work on a secure attachment)

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 2:15 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

Going away is not what causes attachment issues.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 2:15 pm

I need to go away for about 7-10 days for unavoidable medical reasons and I am so anxious about my 2.5 year old. He will be home with his 2 older sisters. Is there anything I can do to prepare him or soothe him while I am away? I think he is too young to understand anything before I leave. He is very attached to me...

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 2:22 pm

Depending on whether or not there’s a time difference tell them to call you before they go to school or when they get home. That’s important for them to realize there’s a constant connection and they are never cut off. I sent amazon package when I was away with gel pens, makers, drawing pads... it was fun for them to get an unexpected amazon package from mommy!
A strange thing happened when I returned. My younger ones were totally fine while my older ones seemed like it was hard. My oldest told me it felt like I was away for 10 years and not 6 days... 😐... it’s more than a year ago since I went away and we’re all fine now . Definitely worth it. Kids are resilient and they’ll be fine.

amother

Mon, Dec 02 2019, 5:48 pm

Thank you for all the responses! I appreciate them all, also the one about attachment issues.
Beezras Hashem my kids will be okay.
I'm sending them with a game and a treat for the family, they're pretty excited. (Got another game for us so they shouldn't feel bad about leaving the toy there... already had such a problem once!)
I think I'll tell them they can call after school, that's a good idea.

DVOM

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 6:49 am

I will be having surgery in a monthish and my husband and I will be away for a week- 2 weeks. I'm also nervous about leaving my kids. Actually very nervous about the whole thing in general, but part of it is wondering if they will be ok.

My husband and I went on vacation last year for 6 days and everyone seemed to do fine by friends and family. It took us all a day or two to get back to the regular routine, but other then that, they were all ok. I can remember staying by friends for a week when my parents went on vacation, and remember being ok too, actually really enjoying some parts of it. I'm telling myself that this will not be damaging for my kids. Some parts may be difficult maybe, but not damaging.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Dec 03 2019, 7:07 am

I printed pictures of my kids and the people that would be taking care of them. I used them to make a book describing what their daily schedule would look like while I’m away, scheduled phone calls/FaceTime with Mommy included. I didn’t tell them until a couple of weeks before, I didn’t think they needed more time to be anxious about it. I read the book with them many times before I went away, and they had it while I was gone. Took away some of the fear of the unknown, I hope.