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What would you do in this situation (Sad)

 
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amother




OP


Post  Sat, Dec 07 2019, 3:42 pm
The other day, I was entering my home, and as I was walking in I heard my neighbour on the phone. My neighbour is a man in his seventies who lives on his own, his children live in another country. Just as I walked in, I heard him saying that he is sick (I don't want to say what he said as it's sad), and about how he has to have treatment however he is content about it, it was caught early thank G-d. It was upsetting to hear that. I feel like since I happened to walk in just at that time, I should knock on his door to say hello since I have not spoken to him in a long time and bring him a gift of some sort. However, he doesn't know that I heard his phone conversation and I can't mention that. I guess I just want to say that I am here if ever if he needs me? What is the right thing to say/do?
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ellacoe




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 07 2019, 5:24 pm
Perhaps take the opportunity of Chanukah to stop in with something I.e. Jelly donuts, wish him a happy Chanukah and open the channels of communication again.
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Elfrida




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 07 2019, 5:48 pm
The sufganiot is a good idea. I was trying to think of some minor gift that would provide an opening to communication. I would just say what you said here. That you were entering the building at the same time as him the other day, and heard him mention his medical condition on the phone. You don't want to interfere, but he should know that you are there if he needs help with anything either now or if future treatments make daily life more challenging. If you like you can add that of course you will not mention it to anyone else without his permission.

If you feel awkward saying all this, write it in a card.

Neither he nor you planned him coming g into the building together and you overhearing. There are a million chances that it wouldn't have happened. The fact that it did happen was not coincidence - you were meant to get this information. How you act on it depends on both of you, but you should make him aware that you know and would like to help where appropriate.
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amother




Amber


Post  Sat, Dec 07 2019, 6:48 pm
Elfrida wrote:
The sufganiot is a good idea. I was trying to think of some minor gift that would provide an opening to communication. I would just say what you said here. That you were entering the building at the same time as him the other day, and heard him mention his medical condition on the phone. You don't want to interfere, but he should know that you are there if he needs help with anything either now or if future treatments make daily life more challenging. If you like you can add that of course you will not mention it to anyone else without his permission.

If you feel awkward saying all this, write it in a card.

Neither he nor you planned him coming g into the building together and you overhearing. There are a million chances that it wouldn't have happened. The fact that it did happen was not coincidence - you were meant to get this information. How you act on it depends on both of you, but you should make him aware that you know and would like to help where appropriate.


Please DON'T do this.

I would NOT say what you overheard. If he wants to keep it private, that would be very upsetting to him, and that's the last thing he needs to be concerned about right now. She should just go over and open the lines of communication again. If he chooses to divulge the info, then she can offer her assistance accordingly. If not, respect his privacy and his space, and just try to be there for him in other ways.
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imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 07 2019, 10:08 pm
I have read that the most helpful thing for someone in an overwhelming situation is to offer a specific service rather than a general, "is there anything I can do".

What if you found a way to chat with him, ask how he's doing, maybe even speak of someone you know who recently received that diagnosis (without letting on you overhead anything), and see if he volunteers the information?

And maybe make a point of saying, "I'm going to the market today, do you want anything?" Or whatever.

You are a kind neighbor to care.
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trixx




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 1:29 am
To give yourself an excuse you might say that this chanukah time (well, holiday season) you're trying to reach out to neighbors etc which is why you're offering your services out of the blue
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 9:03 am
I wouldn't wait until chanuka...
Next time you're making a nice supper for your family just bring some over or a container of soup and say "I was thinking about you and it's cold so I though you might enjoy that! you know we're here for you if you need anything !"
Do it as often as you are able without it being a burden!(once a week?)
And then obviously a chanuka invitation would be very nice.
I've done it in the past(different situation!)
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freilich




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 9:15 am
amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:
I wouldn't wait until chanuka...
Next time you're making a nice supper for your family just bring some over or a container of soup and say "I was thinking about you and it's cold so I though you might enjoy that! you know we're here for you if you need anything !"
Do it as often as you are able without it being a burden!(once a week?)
And then obviously a chanuka invitation would be very nice.
I've done it in the past(different situation!)


ITA. Send in some fresh cookies when you bake etc. A simple bowl of soup goes a long way. More than a five course dinner, that will make him stop and think, hey what's going on here.

Start doing that , and let his reaction lead you on.

OP, you sound like a wonderful and caring person.
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 4:27 pm
OP here: thank you all of you for your ideas, very helpful suggestions Smile
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chefmama




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 4:37 pm
You seem like a really kind, caring person. You'll find a way to be there for your neighbour and he'll appreciate it no doubt.
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pbandjelly




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Dec 08 2019, 6:14 pm
Maybe invite him over for a shabbos meal?
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