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So what actually works instead of hitting?
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shaqued_almond




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:03 pm
I never hit my kids but they are trying to hit me a lot (2 and almost 4). They behave like I have no right to tell them what to do or to take away something dangerous or breakable. They also want attention all the time, I can't even cook without getting interrupted. What techniques in your experience had the best results (meaning they listen and keep away from danger)
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amother




Lemon
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:05 pm
Thank you! We needed this thread. Following...
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:08 pm
Incentives.

Pick something they love. Ice cream? A trip? Whatever they like.

And make a chart with their names.

Good behavior gets a check. 40 checks gets the reward.

An x removes 2 checks.

And hitting mommy gets an x always!!

It works. Kids need boundaries.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:09 pm
As far as cooking- I do that at night when they're asleep so I can give them attention during the day. I try to avoid potential problems when I can.
As far as hitting- I never hit my kids. Consequences range from a short time out, to taking away the toy that was used for throwing/hitting, taking away the food that was used to make a mess, having the child clean up a mess s/he made (sometimes with my help), taking away a treat/snack. If I am firm and follow through, it works well. The child is sad but next time knows I mean business.
It's good to try to distract kids, or let them use their energy in a safe way. I let them make a mess in one room, so the mess doesn't bother me- I close the door if it's not clean.
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simba




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:10 pm
Whoever claimed that hitting works?
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:11 pm
And I kept them busy 24/7 by buying every Torah tape I could get my hands on. My favorite then was Rabbi Burstyn from California. He has hundreds of hours of stories for every age. And they LOVED listening to his stories.

He said he used these stories to keep boys quiet during lunchtime at school. Those stories kept ME enthralled!
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sleepybeauty




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:13 pm
I really like the book How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. Lots of great techniques!
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:14 pm
I paid my grandson fifty cents to leave his brother alone. That works.

Keeping them busy also works. They destroy things, people, etc because they want attention.

Also take them to the playground and let them run around until they are too tired to do mischief.
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:18 pm
southernbubby wrote:
I paid my grandson fifty cents to leave his brother alone. That works.

Keeping them busy also works. They destroy things, people, etc because they want attention.

Also take them to the playground and let them run around until they are too tired to do mischief.
Very Happy

I'm stealing that one (the mafia grandkid.. $$$ might just work... I hope..)
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:19 pm
Charts never worked for me. They just tended to stress everyone out.

I can't cook while my kids are around either. So I do while they are sleeping, napping or in school. I also do a lot of dinners that take me under 20 seconds to prep.
Homemade baking has been put on the back burner for now.

The couple of things that keep me sane are:
Story tapes
The art box
Rotating toys
Keeping each activity separate especially in the winter when we're stuck inside. Ex: No snacks while we're doing art. Let's pack everything away and then we'll have snack time. It doubles activity time.

Obviously this isn't always possible but I try to foresee the situation and prevent chaos and boredom from happening. Makes for a smoother more functional day for everyone.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:21 pm
Am I the only parent who learned how to parent from supernanny Speechless ? Her techniques work wonders. I love her. Even for my special child.
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:24 pm
Dedicate one on one time for each of your children daily, if possible, and treat this time as sacred. Positive attention can do wonders for children.
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21young




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:25 pm
Very consistent schedule and structure so the kids know what to expect when.

Ignore bad behavior, keeping calm.

Good behavior reward charts.

Trying to eliminate distractions and give them my full attention during the afternoon - no phone, including shmoozing, supper prepped in advance, etc.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:28 pm
Jewishfoodie wrote:
Incentives.

Pick something they love. Ice cream? A trip? Whatever they like.

And make a chart with their names.

Good behavior gets a check. 40 checks gets the reward.

An x removes 2 checks.

And hitting mommy gets an x always!!

It works. Kids need boundaries.


For children under 7 the reward needs to be able to be earned in a week. 10 days at most.
Little kids lose interest if the reward is too much in future. But long term big rewards are better for older kids.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:29 pm
simba wrote:
Whoever claimed that hitting works?


It always worked for me.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:29 pm
shaqued_almond wrote:
I never hit my kids but they are trying to hit me a lot (2 and almost 4). They behave like I have no right to tell them what to do or to take away something dangerous or breakable. They also want attention all the time, I can't even cook without getting interrupted. What techniques in your experience had the best results (meaning they listen and keep away from danger)


There has to be strong consequences for hitting. I would lock them in their room for 10 minutes. Then they have to say "sorry, I won't hit again" when they come out.
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amother




Rose
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:35 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
There has to be strong consequences for hitting. I would lock them in their room for 10 minutes. Then they have to say "sorry, I won't hit again" when they come out.


I would Never lock kids in. It also send the wrong message- I need to use physical force to control you instead of ‘ I am Calmly taking charge in this situation’. You can close the door. If the child tries coming out you put them right back.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:41 pm
Hitting works. But in these times, children will view it as abuse and it will damage the relationship so need to find some other EFFECTIVE way to teach children to be Mentchen.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:42 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
I would Never lock kids in. It also send the wrong message- I need to use physical force to control you instead of ‘ I am Calmly taking charge in this situation’. You can close the door. If the child tries coming out you put them right back.


I would lock the door so the child won't keep coming out. Modern Parenting is hard enough with don't hit, don't yell. No need to make parenting even harder, parents are under enough stress.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 19 2020, 9:44 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
Hitting works. But in these times, children will view it as abuse and it will damage the relationship so need to find some other EFFECTIVE way to teach children to be Mentchen.


I agree. Hitting can work if done correctly, but it can definitely be damaging nowadays (I still think very occasionally is still ok, but I take no responsibility for consequences).
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