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So what actually works instead of hitting?
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:24 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I'm assuming that #BestBubby was a very loving parent. You're projecting your own life onto other people. Not every case of defiance is always a cry for help.

A cry for help can be small:
Hunger
Fatigue
Being bullied in school
Etc
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:25 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
Yes, definitely. It's me freaking out, not them not listening Surprised .

Zehava, don't project every thing that happened to you on other people. It doesn't work.

And I'm shocked that nobody here thinks that kids are supposed to listen to their parents????

I do think they’re “supposed” to
I just disagree with some of the methods used
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:29 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I see this a lot and I'm curious - where is this halacha? I mean, definitely it's a great thing not to hit when you're angry - but as a halacha?


Yes it's halacha
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:30 pm
gold21 wrote:
Yes it's halacha

LOL
👍
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:31 pm
I don't do "gentle parenting" or whatever

I'm just nice to my kids

Cuz I like them.

I also discipline them.

I can't agree with a parenting method that doesn't include discipline.

I don't spank though. There are many better options.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:31 pm
gold21 wrote:
I don't do "gentle parenting" or whatever

I'm just nice to my kids

Cuz I like them.

I also discipline them.

I can't agree with a parenting method that doesn't include discipline.

Hey
What makes you think it doesn’t include? Bogus. Of course it does.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:36 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Hey
What makes you think it doesn’t include? Bogus. Of course it does.


Hi.
OK.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:37 pm
gold21 wrote:
Yes it's halacha


Source???
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:38 pm
gold21 wrote:
Hi.
OK.

Hi back at ya!
I don’t think anyone’s saying not to discipline! This thread is way more extreme than not just disciplining!
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:40 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
Source???


I don't know. That's what I was taught in school. That you're not allowed to discipline a child in anger. No idea. Just sharing.

And how some big Rabbonim used to only spank their kid later in the day when they were already calm. Stories like that.
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:45 pm
gold21 wrote:
I don't know. That's what I was taught in school. That you're not allowed to discipline a child in anger. No idea. Just sharing.

And how some big Rabbonim used to only spank their kid later in the day when they were already calm. Stories like that.


I recall hearing this as well.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:47 pm
nchr wrote:
I recall hearing this as well.


And I read that Rav Chaim Kanievsky's son said in an interview that he was sometimes potched.

Again, I want the source, because I suspect there is none.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 3:53 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
And I read that Rav Chaim Kanievsky's son said in an interview that he was sometimes potched.

Again, I want the source, because I suspect there is none.


What is the source of your suspicions that this is false?

I mean, my teachers seemed pretty sure of themselves.
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 4:51 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I see this a lot and I'm curious - where is this halacha? I mean, definitely it's a great thing not to hit when you're angry - but as a halacha?

Loved all your posts and this one too.

If anything Mishlei says "spare the rod spoil the child".

I personally think moderation is key. Hitting shouldn't be the only form of discipline. Talking is not always good either. And sometimes yelling is appropriate. Belittling js never appropriate.

There needs to be different reactions. Otherwise how are they to know that pulling mommy's skirt is not as bad as hitting?
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 4:53 pm
https://thehalacha.com/wp-cont.....5.pdf

Lots of background information, halachos, explanations and views of recent rabbonim contained in this article.
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Laiya




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:11 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
Well 36% of the Millennial Generation - most raised with gentle parenting - are dysfunctional:
unable/unwilling to hold down a job and live with and are supported by their parents!

So that is an example that gentle parenting is long-term unsuccessful.

Also, there is more violence and bullying today then previous generations despite (or because?)
the "gentle parenting".


Kristin Neff in her book self-compassion, discusses the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion, and how the focus on self-esteem in recent years has contributed to high rates of narcissism in the millennial generation.

Of course the focus on self-esteem was a reaction to the shaming, which is also destructive.
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Laiya




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:17 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I see this a lot and I'm curious - where is this halacha? I mean, definitely it's a great thing not to hit when you're angry - but as a halacha?


Maybe I'm wrong, but I assumed it comes from Moshe Rabbeinu saying to Dassan and Aviram, Rasha lama takeh es rey'echa?

The halachos of ben adam lachavero do not exempt parents. For instance, a parent who is emotionally abusive is over on ona'as devarim, ve'ahavta le'reicha kamocha, etc.

Eta. Just saw Allthingsblue's link


Last edited by Laiya on Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:18 pm
Laiya wrote:
Maybe I'm wrong, but I assumed it comes from Moshe Rabbeinu saying to Dassan and Aviram, Rasha lama takeh es rey'echa?

The halachos of ben adam lachavero do not exempt parents. For instance, a parent who is emotionally abusive is over on ona'as devarim, ve'ahavta le'reicha kamocha, etc.

Chosech shivto sonei bno
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Laiya




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:23 pm
ectomorph wrote:
Chosech shivto sonei bno


The key being, hitting in anger
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:37 pm
Laiya wrote:
The key being, hitting in anger

Source? Cuz that's not what rashi says
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