Dd5 reacts to disciple by getting physical

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 7:55 pm

Is this normal?
Me: I know you love your brother so much but you cant bother him while hes asleep (3 month old baby)
DD5: comes over to me and smacks me or pulls off my snood etc
This is the child whos morah ravess about her and acts with the utmost maturity by friends houses (I know home is obviously different)
I happen to be a very not touchy feely person and im working on it big time. But being hit by my child is a huge trigger. It takes a lot not to yell at her and calmly walk her to her room etc. I like when I have company around bec its easier to stay calm when you know someone is judging (yes I know thats a weird thing to say- but hey im anonymous)

allthingsblue

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:47 pm

I don't think that's so normal for a simple directive.

I'd try to get to the bottom of it. I would have a conversation with her when she's calm. I'd remind her that "mommy always loves you no matter what, but sometimes mommy needs to teach you the right way to do things, and it's not ok to hit or get wild or pull off a snood. If you are upset, you should use your words to speak respectfully, just like mommy respectfully speaks to you. You can tell me what's bothering you as long as it's in a respectful way."

Ask her why she gets so upset.

You'll have to keep reminding her (maybe give her a treat the first few times she does it).

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:55 pm

Thank you allthingsblue! That is great practical advice. Thank you for not coming down hard on me Very Happy

allthingsblue

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 8:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you allthingsblue! That is great practical advice. Thank you for not coming down hard on me Very Happy

There's no reason to come down hard on you. Your a good, honest, self aware mother who is trying her best. Children are challenging even in the best of circumstances and parenting is an ever-evolving puzzle.

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:00 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

I 💖 you. Having a rough day in the parentinh dept and coming here for advice now.. I was sure id get yelled at by somebody for being a bad mom. Feeling a bit better now Smile

thx !

oneofakind

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 9:13 pm

I'd guess she is jealous of the baby. Make sure to give her undivided attention whenever possible.

avrahamama

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:37 pm

Was she like this before baby also? If yes then deal with the behavior. If not, then jealousy might be the underlying issue and she needs more attention.

BTW I agree that my best parenting is when people are watching. 1. I dont want to embarrass myself 2. I dont want to embarrass my child either.

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:54 pm

avrahamama wrote:

Yes she was like this before the baby but sadly since he was born im constantly telling her not to bother him. Shes very warm and maternal and shes very "busy" with him all the time

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 10:58 pm

My dd5 sounds just like yours in all areas Smile

I always remind her that if she hurts me I will have to remove myself from her and she doesn’t like that so she usually stops and we can talk (whine) it out

amother

Wed, Jan 29 2020, 11:05 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

My dd5 sounds just like yours in all areas Smile

I always remind her that if she hurts me I will have to remove myself from her and she doesn’t like that so she usually stops and we can talk (whine) it out

Yep yep the whining. You hit the nail on the head. I wonder which is a better mahalach - taking her by the hand and telling her that hitting is unacceptable and walking her to another room/bedroom/steps. Or to just pick myself up and walk away. Problem is she has totally walked after me in the past and hung onto my skirt (almost pulling it off)