Whatever happened to kaf zchut?

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 2:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Nowadays it seems to me like every stupid thing people say gets interpreted in the worst possible way. Some people can even get fired for stupid tweets. Wouldn't we be better off assuming that who says something hurtful or dumb might just be ignorant? Most people, I assume, don't go around looking to hurt others. Shouldn't we just give people kaf zchut and move on? I wonder if I'm the only person who thinks this way.

Dan lekaf zchus only applies to judging yourself and people you like/ who think like you favorably.
Anyone who disagrees with you or lives a lifestyle different than yours, or who says something that's not PC or sweet acceptance of those you like, automatically loses their right to favorable judgement. Judge freely.

Dan lekaf zechus never applies to judging me favorably, but if I toed the line then I guess I would be worthy of not being judged harshly and less people would think it's okay to bully me.

PS I fully expect to be attacked for this post.

amother

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 7:31 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic. What do you mean kaf zchut never applied to you?

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 7:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic. What do you mean kaf zchut never applied to you?

1000% serious.

I mean that those preaching dan lekaf zchus would judge me harshly for judging others favorably, and analyze everything I say to present it in a negative light.

Probably because I don't say things that are popular and make people feel-good. Could be because I don't know how to say things without hurting feelings.

Whatever it is, I long ago concluded that dan lekaf zchus only applies to those who you like, who think and act like you, or who make you feel good. But not to anyone else.

I've made peace with always being judged harshly, even by those who preach judging favorably. They can judge me, that's their issue, not mine.

But I'll never make peace with hypocrisy. It sickens me. Judge all you like, but don't pretend to be a tzaddik or preach judging favorably.

And like I said in my previous post, this post / opinion isn't really PC so I fully expect to be attacked by those who feel judged by me saying that judging me lechova when you preach judging lechaf zchus, is hypocrisy.

zaq

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 7:50 am

If a person tweets from an employer’s account, it is like sending a letter on company letterhead, but worse because it reaches an unlimited audience.

Tweets sent from an employer’s account are assumed to be official communications that reflect the employer’s policy, not merely the tweeter’s opinion. Employees who send out unauthorized tweets have not merely breached protocol, but, depending on the nature of the tweet, may harm the employer’s reputation and/or put the employer at risk of legal action. The employee absolutely should be disciplined, and, If the tweet is egregious enough, be fired.

watergirl

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 8:03 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

I am sorry for whatever life experiences have made your look at this beautiful chazal in this way. You are, of course, free to have whatever outlook you chose to have. But according to chazal and our rabbonim, you are incorrect. Yes, our natural inclination is to only be DLKZ to people who you like, who act and think like you, and who make you feel good. Being DLKZ the other people - that is where the hard work comes in.

The Torah is not here to be a feel-good all the time book. There are many aspects of our lives that are challenging by design. That is the whole reason we are here - to do our tikkun, to do Gd's will, to do our best. We all have our yetzer hara. It is incumbent upon each and every one of us to fight it.

Judging people - that is the job of HKBH and no one else. He has his melachim to help him if he needs (k'viyochol). And we also are taught that when we are being judgmental on others, that is what "causes" those melachim to take a closer look at us and our actions!

I am speaking to myself also in this post, by the way. There is one person in my life who I know I need to look at with a kinder lens. I am making a commitment, now at this moment, to do so. Your post inspired me actually. This woman is forever asking the community for meals and mealtrains. And when she does not get it, she becomes very nasty and bashes the community on social media. I am quick to judge her, and I need to be kinder in my thoughts. I have no idea what is going on in her hidden life that is bringing her to this point that she is begging for mealtrain assistance. I don't have to sign up to bring her food, but I can daven for her. Which I will do. So thank you for inspiring me to change this outlook about this one person. I'm sure I can think of other people in my life who I can be kinder in my thoughts to as well. I know we all can... lets try! Moshiach now!

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 8:17 am

watergirl wrote:

I agree with you. OP asked what happened to dan lechaf zchus - I'm answering her. This is what happened to it. It is (very) selectively applied, yet preached when it is convenient for the preacher.

She asks if we would be better off assuming someone is dumb or ignorant, that they're not out to hurt others. Of course we would be better off doing that. We just don't, because somehow in today's society judging favorably only applies to "people who look and think (and live and speak) like you."

So that's what happened to dan lechaf zchus.

But yes. I agree with you.

watergirl

Fri, Jan 31 2020, 8:29 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

I agree with you too. This is what people do. We should not. This is one of the reason, in my opinion, that books like the Henny Machlis book are so well loved. She is a role model of how to do this at all times - and it is so rare and difficult to do that when we find someone who truly DOES apply it to everyone, its so novel a concept that we turn every page to see more.