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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

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amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:40 pm

[I understand that this topic may seem superficial to those who are or know people seriously affected by the virus. This is not to make light of that however everyone is allowed to be sad about their situation no matter how trivial it may seem to you.]

I feel like so many people on this site have either been making Pesach for a while or have been contemplating making Pesach soon anyways so the forced to stay home situation isn't such a big deal for them. Then there are those who just don't seem to mind. Maybe they didn't love going to family. Maybe they see their family all day anyways so this is not so hard. Maybe most sibilings have been making Pesach anyways. Maybe maybe maybe...

For some of us though this is really emotionally difficult. I can't explain why. I didn't get married last week. I'm not considered a newlywed anymore by newlywed standards but probably by others'. I've been married almost 3 years but this is SO hard for me. Specifically in the threads about newlyweds it seems that many posters missed the point about why exactly it's hard. According to those posters I'm apparently not mature enough to be married because I would consider going to my parents. I'm not talking about the "making Pesach" part. I can cook, I can clean. I'm talking about the part that makes me cry every night. I'm literally spending spend a third of my day taking care of my kids, a third getting Pesach stuff done, and a third crying to my mother on the phone. I'm so sad. My parents and 10 single sibilings will all be home together 4 hours away from me for YT while my husband and I go stir crazy and play hide and go seek AGAIN with my 2 yr old. (This is turning into a pointless vent but had to get it out.)

Anyone feel me?

amother

Silver

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:44 pm

Why are all your other siblings going home for yuntif? Are you the only one married?

imasinger

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:45 pm

Hugs, it's hard to be left out when everyone else is together!

DrMom

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:47 pm

I'm so sorry.

You are doing the right thing. You are working to ensure that you can enjoy many more Pesachs together in the future.

Unless your 10 siblings live with your parents, they are in the wrong.

amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:47 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

Why are all your other siblings going home for yuntif? Are you the only one married?

Yes. I'll edit my post.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:51 pm

yup!!! Thank you so much for articulating how I feel and how I'm sure many people in our situation feel. It's not the making pesach that scares me, it's just that I miss my family so so much and I'm feeling so homesick right now

amother

Brunette

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:52 pm

I’m married over 15 years. I have a small family and Yom Tov is going to be very quiet. I am pregnant and can barely move, let alone make pesach. I definitely do not want to be home. Cry all you want! No judgment from me.

baby12x

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:57 pm

I've been making pesach for a few years and we have a beautiful yom tov
I still sometimes get homesick and miss my family, especially seder night.
Being stuck with the kids at home and no other relatives is extremely difficult.
If I was planning on seeing my family and then I wasn't able to I would be sooooo upset.

Its ok to be upset and to find this really hard.
This is really hard. You are being kept away from family. That's extremely difficult. You are allowed to be upset.

Just one tip: can you buy a new toy for your toddler so you can get 20 minutes of rest?

amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:58 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

Exactly! Not sure how many years it takes for this homesickness to go away. I'll probably be too emotionally scarred from this Pesach to stay home again for a LONG time if ever. (Yes I know that it is an extreme thing to say but I'm in a bad mood Sad

)

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 2:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

)

You might surprise yourself! It can actually be really nice to make your own for the first time.

amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:03 pm

baby12x wrote:

Thank you! I needed that validation! I think a lot of my friends are the "when life gives you lemons type....". I'm also actually (usually anyways). So we just end up talking about recipes.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:05 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you! I needed that validation! I think a lot of my friends are the "when life gives you lemons type....". I'm also actually (usually anyways). So we just end up talking about recipes.

LOL I love that description Very Happy

amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:06 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Oy I can't even imagine being pregnant right now. I'd be a hormonal wreck. Good luck with it all!! Feel good!!

baby12x

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you! I needed that validation! I think a lot of my friends are the "when life gives you lemons type....". I'm also actually (usually anyways). So we just end up talking about recipes.

You can do that also
Spend time making the recipes you like and the cake your mother always makes even though it has 15 eggs and takes forever.
Do things that make yom tov special and nice and also take the time to be a little sad and upset.

amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:09 pm

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

You might surprise yourself! It can actually be really nice to make your own for the first time.

Could be! We're both big "people people" though so maybe one seder or one meal would be nice alone. Not looking forward to 10 of them! And then yt afternoon...I can't even think about it. But you never know I guess Smile

amother

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:14 pm

baby12x wrote:

First of all good idea with the new toy! I have to think of something really good if I want it to entertain her for more than 5 minutes Smile

I'd love hours in the kitchen! I feel like once you start making Pesach there's at least another person to watch the little ones besides your husband though. He's being a massive help but I can't give him my newborn to nurse Smile

I should put more effort though into all this, you're right. It will definitely make me happier. Thanks!

Chayalle

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:17 pm

From the perspective of a parent, it would really be hard for me if my kids had to start making Pesach (and wouldn't be coming to me) at that point. So OP, you have my Hug

I practically raised my little sister - my mother A"H was sick when she was quite young, and I'm 15 years older than she...we're very close. She was supposed to come to us for Pesach, with her husband and the cutest little guy on the planet (in our very humble opinions) and she is staying home and making Pesach. It's very hard for us that she's not coming. My kids are really disappointed. (and we haven't seen him for like 3 weeks! Video-call is not the same!). And they are like a 20-minute walk from my house.

Even though my sister is a real trooper - it's called making the best of the situation....which is not easy at all.

amother

Copper

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:20 pm

I'm sorry. It must be hard to feel left out while everyone else is together.

But making Pesach can be magical. There's something amazing about transforming the house and having a Seder.

And now I want to say something a little critical. I'll do it as gently as I can.

You've been married for three years already. Your parents' house is not home. Home is where you live with your husband. Of course your family is special, and there's a special feeling for the place where you grew up. But once you are married, you have a new center of gravity. Commit to that. It's not disloyal to your family. It's a commitment to your marriage.

I hope you get to spend many yom tovim with your parents and siblings, and I hope you enjoy this one with your husband and children.

tichellady

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:22 pm

I’m in a similar situation and it’s tough. I am having a hard time with it but I think that’s ok

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Apr 06 2020, 3:30 pm

Can you order some new books for you, extra special treats for you, and a few new toys for your baby?
Maybe also plan a little romantic something with your Dh one night (not the first seder night)?
Can you order extra beautiful disposable dishes?

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