If you gave a name you didnt like...

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:03 pm

Todays psychology would definitely be on team mom. If there is a name you dont love, dont give it- circumstances dont matter. Youre the one pregnant, going thru labor and delivery, youre the one calling youre childs name for the rest of youre life (etc etc) - you choose it. Soooo! for those of you who didnt follow modern psychology and chose a name you didnt love, how do you feel about it now? I KNOW the name grew on you and you dont think about it anymore but how about the fact that you put dh, your mom, your mil, your grandma's feelings before your own? Do u feel good about what you did or do you wish you had more courage to just turn a blind eye toward what everyone else was saying or thinking?
Discuss....

(Practically- I avoided a Yiddish family name for a few children already. We live in a place where yiddish names a few a far between, I know any name can grow on anyone but im very reluctant plus I dont love the name. But peoples feelings would be hurt if we dont give it. Wwyd?)

amother

Sienna

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:13 pm

It has nothing to do with psychology. Maybe 'modern sensibilities'.

I don't think you need to "love" a name. But if you are using a family name, you should atleast find it palatable, and have good feelings about the niftar whose name it was.

tryinghard

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:13 pm

Who cares about modern psychology (LMSW speaking here!)???
That is irrelevant. As a human being in many relationships, you have to decide what is most important to you, and what will matter more - the possible perceived offense, or your own dislike for the name.
That being said, can you use a Hebrew translation of the name? Honestly, I think the fact that Yiddish names are not common in your community is a much bigger issue than your personal opinion of the name, and I think many people can relate to you not wanting your kid to stick out. There are poskim in EY who have said not to use Yiddish names, because it’s not fair to the kids.

groisamomma

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:15 pm

Interesting thread.

I gave my oldest his name on the condition that I wouldn't have to name for that side of the family ever again. We only call him by his first name--I despise the middle one--and unless you're there when he's called up to the Torah you'd never know that's his real name. Nobody calls him that. My sister had a baby at the same time so we did it together under the same conditions.

The middle name hasn't grown on me. It never will. I don't particularly regret giving it because it's never used but had I known I wouldn't have another boy I'd have used the opportunity to name for my dh's grandfather.

I regret only giving DD one name, and a Yiddish one to boot. I've asked dh and he said it has no real translation, but that the chashivus is for the person she's named after. It's not a Biblical name, it doesn't really translate to anything meaningful, and I didn't know the person she's named for, so yeah, I kind of regret not adding a name. She's a cutie but the name hasn't grown on me at all.

Edited for typos.

Last edited by groisamomma on Sun, May 03 2020, 9:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Powderblue

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:25 pm

I didn't love the name, pretty uncommon too. Tho it was more I didn't love the person I gave after. (She was a great person, very chashiv and erlich. And did tons of goods) But I did what I had to do and was super proud of myself for breaking myself and give single name (some added another but ended up calling on the 1st lol). My due date was still in the shloshim of the person who passed away. Actually gave birth 6 weeks after she passed away. By now I absolutely don't regret it and LOVE the name kid and her personality. AND the uniqueness of the name.
I love the comment I once got by Dr office. All of you have Raizys, u were smart and added the D before.....lol oh well

small bean

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:37 pm

I've done it more than once and don't have regrets. Names grow on you. You associate names with people. The names you love, usually you know someone who has that name same for names that you hate.

amother

Oak

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:44 pm

R' Shmuel Kamenetzky has 3 things to say about naming your child
1 - You have to like it 2 - Your kid shouldnt be embarrassed by it 3 - Your parents have no say in the matter

amother

Lilac

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:44 pm

I have a relative who named a name she really hated because of pressure. To this day, and the child is not about 7, I've never heard her call that child's name or even a nick name, it's always cutie/sweetie/zeeskite. It's really weird, and it's very noticeable. Should have stood her ground and given the kid a name she could tolerate.

amother

Taupe

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:44 pm

The name didnt grow on me.
I am so resentful toward my parents for forcing me to name my baby a name I didnt want. I cant even call my son by his name. I made up a stupid nickname, which I use instead.

amother

Jade

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:49 pm

I dont know if this what im about to mention comes even I here , it just poped up in my mind while reading..

We gave named our son after a chusiva tzaddik which im happy about , yet I did not love the name at all , so me and dh decide will call him half of the name whice makes it more likable then the whole name . Funny part was that my kids stayed calling him by the whole name despite me and my husband call him how we wanted , now I feel a bit upset , have I known my kids wont follow through, so all his friends call him by whole name since they hear it from my kids and it is really getting to me , nothing I can do . Sometimes kids will have more power .
He is named after a big tzaddik but I love so much more the name in shorter. My kids dont..

amother

Jade

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:52 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

I dont know if this what im about to mention comes even I here , it just poped up in my mind while reading..

We named our son after a chusiva tzaddik which im happy about , yet I did not love the name at all , so me and dh decide will call him half of the name which makes it more likable then the whole name . Funny part was that my kids stayed calling him by the whole name despite me and my husband call him how we wanted , now I feel a bit upset , have I known my kids wont follow through, so all his friends call him by whole name since they hear it from my kids and it is really getting to me , nothing I can do . Sometimes kids will have more power .
He is named after a big tzaddik but I love so much more the name in shorter. My kids dont..

amother

Powderblue

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:53 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

R' Shmuel Kamenetzky has 3 things to say about naming your child
1 - You have to like it 2 - Your kid shouldnt be embarrassed by it 3 - Your parents have no say in the matter

My parents had absolutely no say in my name-giving, they actually didn't expect it even. It was my 2nd and my 1st was named after my side so figured 2nd I'll give dh family the honor. When we told my parents that there was nothing to talk abt, this is the name we're giving, they were so so thrilled, as it was so close after the passing, that they paid for the kiddush.
A oisher hut Mazel....eh?

amother

Wheat

Sun, May 03 2020, 7:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I feel good about what I did. I named two children names I didn’t particularly like, but for the sake of someone else, and it was the best thing I did. I was “resentful” at that time because I wanted prettier names, but I knew that it meant so so much to my in laws that not to do it would have severed our relationship.

I’m so happy I didn’t do that. I’m happy I did something for them and that our relationship is better for it. It’s only years later that I can see that it was the best choice I made, none of us are the worse for wear for it, and my children have exceptional middos that I think stemmed from what I did. There was one child where I hurt someone by the name, and he has, well, a lot of problems. Not that it’s causative, but I’ll always wonder.

Baruch HaShem, in our birthing years, we don’t know what it means to name after a father or a mother. I’ve never yet met an orphan who grappled whether she liked her parent’s name and whether she should name after her own mother and father. But now that I’m older, I realize how much it would hurt me if my own child’s wife would refuse. Our parents are so dear to us, our spouses, and a name is so personal that a rejection of their name feels like a rejection of ourselves.

I think that our generation is too caught up with our own wants and desires and we think that everything should be done our own way. Not always.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, May 03 2020, 8:10 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Atleast a nickname and not like the OP mentioned her relative doesn't call a name at all.
Thankfully by none of my kids neither my parents nor my in-laws pressured with names to give

mommyhood

Sun, May 03 2020, 8:15 pm

I have a list of names that I ‘love’ and will likely never use because we’ve chosen to name after family members. I didn’t love any of my kids names at the time we named them and can’t say I love the names now but my feelings were neutral, leaning towards liking them and being comfortable with them. Any names that I or dh disliked even slightly were not options for us.

pause

Sun, May 03 2020, 8:21 pm

If I would just choose a name I like, I wouldn't give some of the names I gave. But I chose to name after relatives (whom I didn't get to choose their names), so while I don't love the name, it was important for us that our child be named after close ancestors. I still don't love the name, but I don't have that same visceral reaction to it, like, uch that's not a name I would choose. I love the child anyway Smile

and call them by their given name.

Last edited by pause on Sun, May 03 2020, 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Natural

Sun, May 03 2020, 8:21 pm

My first I named after one of dh grandmothers I didn’t really want to cause it’s a ch name and I knew a bunch of non frum family would mess it up but we call her by her nickname. My 3rd child I named after one of my dh grandparents also I hate the name I also really really didn’t like the person she was always sticking her nose in our business and I just didn’t get along with her but my husband asked his rav who said give the name and don’t use it 🤷‍♀️So we used it as a 2nd name to make mil happy and we don’t call child by it when dh mother tries I tell her that’s not the name. It’s not on anything so unless dh is getting an aliyah no one would know.

amother

Sun, May 03 2020, 8:33 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

R' Shmuel Kamenetzky has 3 things to say about naming your child
1 - You have to like it 2 - Your kid shouldnt be embarrassed by it 3 - Your parents have no say in the matter

Correct me if im wrong but im pretty sure r shmuel also tells people who ask to only give one name

So heres an interesting thought- its a grandparents name I dont like. Lets say the parent whos parent it is tells dh and I not to worry about it, if we dont like the name we should feel absolutely no obligation or pressure. If that were said we'd be very relieved. Does that me parents "have a say"? More like having an influence...b

amother

Plum

Sun, May 03 2020, 8:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Between the two of us, we have quite a few not too common names. We agreed long ago that we didn’t want to use those names.
One of our kids has a name that I don’t love. This child was named based in circumstances, but it also happened to be the name of a deceased relative (obviously not one of the not too common ones we had a greed not to use.)
I don’t love the name, but it’s a double name and we only use one, so it’s jot so bad.

amother

Taupe

Sun, May 03 2020, 9:31 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

Atleast a nickname and not like the OP mentioned her relative doesn't call a name at all.
Thankfully by none of my kids neither my parents nor my in-laws pressured with names to give

....I dont call him the name at all...it's a stupid pet name that has no connection...

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