How to ask husband for money?

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am currently not working, as I am not in a position to do so. I have a hard time asking my husband form money, especially when it is not an essential item. How can I handle this?

Can you give some more insight to the situation - What kind of financial setup do you have? Do you have access to the money? Do you have to ask him for money for any purchase, essential or not? How does he respond when you ask him for money? Both parents should have equal say in how money is being spent, so why don't you feel comfortable speaking up for your needs?

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:38 am

I have been unemployed quite a bit over the last few years. Some for gealth reasons, some because I was let go from different jobs, in other words, for a few different reasons.
I never ask my husband for money. I have an ATM card. I take money when I need or want money.
In a marriage that is truly a partnership, even when only one is working, both have access to the money. Thats how it should be. At least in my opinion.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:39 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am newlywed and we have separate accounts, and a joint account. The joint account is pretty much empty. I have to ask him for money for everything.

so then have him put money in the joint account. If he is the breadwinner now, the money being made is for both of you.

Einikel

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:40 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am newlywed and we have separate accounts, and a joint account. The joint account is pretty much empty. I have to ask him for money for everything.

Put all your $ in a joint account it’s not “his money” or “your money” you’re a married couple.

Last edited by Einikel on Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:41 am; edited 1 time in total

jewishmom6

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:40 am

I only ask my husband for money when I need small cash.

Otherwise, I use credit cards.
I just let my husband know what I am purchasing. We're married - money is for both of us to share.

Op, if you dont have money to buy what you want to buy thats a whole different story.

Last edited by jewishmom6 on Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:44 am; edited 2 times in total

lamplighter

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:42 am

It's time to join your finances and get an ATM card.

Over the years I have worked and not worked but I have always been half of this marriage and have equal access to funds.
I do ask my husband for cash/take out cash because there is an ATM near his work but thats just a logistic.

moonstone

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:42 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

so then have him put money in the joint account. If he is the breadwinner now, the money being made is for both of you.

Yes, this. You shouldn't have to ask him for money every time you need it, it should be there for you to take.

Supermom#1

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am newlywed and we have separate accounts, and a joint account. The joint account is pretty much empty. I have to ask him for money for everything.

Any specific reason that you have separate accounts? I'm not sure if this is a major or minor problem....how would your husband react if you asked him to deposit money regularly in the joint account and you can make regular withdrawals, within reason, of course.

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am newlywed and we have separate accounts, and a joint account. The joint account is pretty much empty. I have to ask him for money for everything.

As you're only a newlywed, it's the perfect time to nip this in the bud. As the others have just posted, the money belongs to BOTH of you. It's time to have a serious conversation about it with him, but come prepared. Brush up your knowledge on the basics of finances and budgeting, and offer up plans that would work for you two.

amother

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:46 am

We have separate accounts, because that is the way his parents did it. I have a hard time discussing finances with him, because I never had to do anything like this before. I worked all my life, including in high school and never asked anyone for money. I wouldn't even ask my parents for money growing up. This is really difficult for me. I am not used to depending on anyone for money. This is a new situation where I can't work.

Einikel

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s your husband’s responsibility to provide for you. You’re not depending on him. It’s something you really need to discuss with him.

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:52 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It doesn't matter what his parents did, you two need to set up something that works for the both of you. Have you discussed your feelings with him, how hard it is to be in this situation? Regardless, this setup is not a way it should be in a marriage, barring exclusive circumstances.

You also need to change your mindset. The money that either of you makes is not his or yours. It belongs to the both of you. So you should have the exact same ease of access to the money, just as he does. You shouldn't be in the position of asking for money that belongs to you too. If the shoe would be on the other foot, and you would be working and your husband would not, would you be holding the money and expect him to come ask you for any money that he needs/wants? If you wouldn't be doing that, why is the expectation there in the reverse?

Einikel

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok how how do I go about doing that?

I don’t have experience with this situation but maybe tell him it will be easier to manage bills and budgeting when everything comes from the same account?

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok how how do I go about doing that?

There are many nuances to finances, but the basics are setting up a joint account and have the money deposited in there. Then work out a budgeting plan that covers expenses, discretionary funds, and if possible, savings.

amother

Black

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 6:54 am

I’m married thirty years and have to ask my husband for every penny he puts all the money in his own name and statements go to a P.O. Box

I feel like getting divorced and worry what would happen if he died

Einikel

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 7:01 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

Hugs I can’t imagine living like that. I would be in a constant state of anxiety.

Genius

Fri, Jun 05 2020, 7:02 am

Maybe tell him that it’s hard for you to beg for every dollar and that you’ll appreciate if he will make sure that there is always money in the joint account that you can spend.
When the conversation is going already, you can mention that maybe you can use the joint account exclusively.
It also makes a difference how much money you make. If you hardly finish the month than this conversation will definitely be harder.
Make sure you eat before you bring up the topic