Is my husband the only one not going to minyan??

amother

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 4:59 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

For me the question has always been: where else (if anywhere, of course) is he going?

If he’s going to the supermarket, to Target, to see friends or family (socially distanced or Course) to the park, to work: then certainly be Should also go to shul

But if he (you) truly don’t leave the house (which from day 1 I’ve never understood and can’t imagine except for the most high risk Among us) If you truly go nowhere and see no one then no he shouldn’t go to shul

OP- we get all our groceries delivered, don’t live near family, and both work from home. BH we are able to keep all these things up, so at this time I feel there is no benefit to start going to the supermarket/indoor places. This may change but for now I’m not changing what works

amother

Jade

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:01 pm

Our Shul had about 350-400 men over the age of Bar Mitzvah. We are currently running 5 back yard minyanim with up to 19 people in each. That means that at most, 95 men are going to minyan. That assumes all minyanim are at capacity and no women are taken spot (they offered an ezrat nashim). So no, 99% of the men in my community are not going to minyan.
They will open more yards if there is a need, so that is not the limiting factor.

My DH is unquestionably high risk and has not been to a store since before Pesach.

allthingsblue

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:04 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

I am just curious if the ppl who arent going to minyan arent going anywhere else either? Not to work, not to stores etc? Are you fully keeping social distancing in all other aspects aside from minyan?

Working from home or in a workplace with less ten ppl indoors, wearing masks.
Groceries getting delivered.

mig100

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:14 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

Until shuls opened in Brooklyn before shavous I was working from home and only getting food delivered.

Now I'm still working from home. Do occasionally go to stores quickly. almost only socialize and visit outdoors

amother

cornflower

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:17 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

City??

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m just curious if any one else’s non-high-risk husband is not going to minyanim yet. I feel like my entire community is going but my husband and I (mostly me TBH) don’t feel like it’s safe yet. I have so much guilt about it and I question if we’re doing the right thing but I just feel like not much has changed and it’s still dangerous...is anyone else doing the same thing?

Adding that my husband is 32 (I’m 28), he does have crohns but there’s not much data that that makes him high risk.

We're with you. DH is 32, always usually davens with a minyan, still isnt now. We're in monsey. Waiting...

amother

Denim

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I hear you I guess I just can’t relate. Have you really not left your home/property in 3 months?! I’m an essential worker and I’ve been working (outside the home) throughout and cannot imagine not leaving for that long. But if that’s the case then you are right: for your family shul is not yet where your husband should be going

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:35 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Please ask a rav or dr before making these decisions

I was at a shiur last night where the rav decried those still davening at home saying there is no excuse, he spoke to doctors, the shechina is in a shul not a backyard etc

Every person has different circumstances but it’s definitely something to be asked not decided by feelings

To take part in a social activity, that is what minyan is, has nothing to do with a rav at all. And nothing to do with where the rav says the shechina is.
I feel like if there are rabbanim out there that will make someone feel bad about not going to minyan right now, well, then shame on such a rabbi.

These are trying times and times that we have never experienced before. It HAS TO be a personal (and maybe medical as well) decision. And for nobody else.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:35 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

We're with you. DH is 32, always usually davens with a minyan, still isnt now. We're in monsey. Waiting...

Can I try to understand. I am respectfully asking,what are you waiting for? At what point will he go a vaccine? I am really curious to understand the train of thought.
You didn't write any underlying issues so I am assuming there are none.

Simple1

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not sure what you mean by the bolded. Maybe this depends on location, but in much of NY/NJ frum communities, things are not the same as they were a few months ago. Speak to your doctor and Rav. If you follow their advice, no need for guilt.

Last edited by Simple1 on Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:54 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 5:50 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

Yes, only grocery shopping, B"H hes doing all work from home.

amother

Natural

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 6:40 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

our yeshiva rav in Lakewood told DH better to daven byechidus then break the law and daven with too many.

notshanarishona

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 6:53 pm

First of all, I would think Crones puts him at high risk. Second, many rabannim have said that at this point minyan is optional and there is no chiyuv if one doesn’t feel comfortable. Their is a certain level of risk present. I know many who are not going or are only going for outdoor mincha/maariv but not shacharis, etc

amother

Amber

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 8:59 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

Yup! We are both working from home and getting groceries delivered. Fully social distancing.

amother

Brown

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 9:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My husband isnt either going to shul . We dont think it's safe yet . ( in our 30s)

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 9:46 pm

[quote="amother [ Jade ]"]Crohns is an inflammatory / autoimmune disease and I would not put him in the low risk category.
He should be safe and stay well.

You need to do what he/you are comfortable with.

Our Rav has said 1000 times that one needs to do what they feel is safe and what they are comfortable with. Don't be bullied here.[/quote
Just wanted to mention that my husband is high risk due to age and high blood pressure but not because he has chrons. Our Rabbi said that even if a person is not high risk , if they feel nervous about going to a minyan with
restrictions then its totally ok for them to daven at home.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 9:57 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

We are waiting for the numbers in rockland county to go down to a very low level, and stay down. Ive seen too many people in my immediate community die/ get sick and got left with possibly lasting issues to be totally la di da about going around like usual. Not to mention the boy in my son's yeshiva in the ICU with post covid syndrome...

We just dont see monsey as being in the green zone yet. Honestly not sure why anyone does...

UQT

Sun, Jun 14 2020, 10:52 pm

In my development of 60 families plus many teenage boys there are only two men who still daven alone. But one sends his son to school so not sure what the logic is....