How do you feel when you leave someone outside?

amother

Ecru

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:00 am

Anyone else wonder if covid fears play any role in this? We treat everyone at the door suspiciously and don't let them in because we're very careful about exposure. I felt terrible that we had power and didn't feel comfortable inviting friends who didn't over the other day when we otherwise would. Of course in if you're being careful you can still "host" outside--offer food, water, shade.

rae

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:00 am

I’m not understanding this story either and I think I’m usually a pretty nice person?
This friend was on vacation with his wife? If tats the case, it’s pretty nice of him to give your son a ride.

Was your son expecting to crash in Their hotel suite? If he had a full day in between why didn’t you rent him a place to stay? It’s a lot to ask a couple on vacation to take in a 17 year old boy for the day.
I can’t see letting a boy stay on my steps but if I had a hotel room I’m not sure I would want just any 17 year old to crash in my room.
Seems like a no win situation. And you the mother not taking any responsibility for your sons safety is worrisome. If he has money to travel to Switzerland, he should be able to find someplace to spend a few hours. Maybe this should be a good conversation about traveling and personal safety.
For all of you saying this couple is cruel, look around at every random 17 year old boy you see today and let me know if you’ll invite all of them in your home when you’re not home. Then let me know if you’ll let them into your hotel suite.
I probably would’ve had my husband drop him off somewhere safe to wait.

amother

Cerise

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:07 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

It seems pretty heartless to me. If it was you how on earth would you be able to enjoy your vacation knowing that you left a boy outside stranded? You wouldn't even bring him food or water ?
Life isn't black and white...just because you "deserve" your vacation doesn't mean that's how it will go. Things happen. Life is fluid.

Seriously where is his mother? How does a mother let a 17 year old boy go to Switzerland alone and expect her neighbor to ruin his vacation to take care of her son? Unless he’s a rebellious type and he won’t listen to his mother then I understand why the wife didn’t want him in her rental home? It’s her vacation she could have brought different clothing attire she didn’t want him snooping for a million reasons.

Why is a boy traveling alone without parents? Why is it a neighbors responsibility to ruin their vacation for some rebellious boy who probably always lives on the street.

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:08 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

OP where were you in all of this? Did you know his plans and how they were ironed out?
If he is old enough for you to be hands-off, than he is old enough to be responsible and the ownership is not on the "friend".

We are missing a large part of the story. We have here a 17 year old boy traveling alone, without any friends or adults. Is he extremely self sufficient, or was this solitary leg of a journey totally unplanned? If it was unplanned, I can imagine his mother being stuck and not being able to help him much from afar, so he was totally dependent on strangers' help. But if he's self-sufficient, enough to travel alone in a strange country, then shouldn't he have been able to keep himself occupied & fed during the day - especially since he didn't make concrete plans?

We also have here a couple with kids who are on vacation. Do we know anything about them? Do we know if this was a very long awaited vacation that they've been looking forward a for a long time. Do we know if there's something behind the closed doors of the vacation rental that they don't want anyone to be privy to? Do we know if they're going through something difficult and doing chesed is not a priority on their radar now? What we do know is that the DH took 2 hours out of his vacation time to take a 17 year old to his destination.

OP, since we all know so little, I think it's totally unfair to levy judgment against anyone here.

amother

Cerise

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:16 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I apologize. I can be very harsh in my words when I feel like someone is being treated unfairly and people are defending the “perpetrators.” And for the record, I’m not judging you for the snooping. I only judge you if you would actually do something as mean as leave a teenager outside all day with no explanations, no apologies, and no food. I just can’t see a way to be dan lkaf zchus.

Again where is this teenagers mother? Why didn’t she pay for him a hotel roI’m
For the day? Why is it this couples responsibility to ruin their vacation for some selfish mother and son who expects everyone else to drop their plans to save their Child some money and get a free ride. Why didn’t you as a mother just pay his cab fare instead of letting him sit outside all day.

It’s so easy as parents to put our responsibilities on others but pay for your son to take a cab. How selfish are you that you want to ruin another persons vacation plans when all you needed to do was pay your sons cab fare or pay for his hotel for the day.

Raisin

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:18 am

Well, covid may be a factor but that is cancelled out by the kid spending an hour in the car with the husband.

I also think its a big request. Honestly, I would not be happy to have a teenage boy hanging out in my house all day. (unless a friend of one of my kids) we often get this type of request, and yes, often we do it but most people realise its a huge imposition and will take themselves off for a walk or whatever.

I don't get it, if there was a public transport option why didn't he do that rather then sit around all day??? Or - go for a walk in the mountains. Sounds blissful.

Honestly your son sounds immature.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:22 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

So if a kid shows up on your doorstep and says my mother doesn’t care about me I have no place to go then it’s fine to let the kid sit outside all day because his mother doesn’t care for him, so why should you? In fact, he DESERVES to be left outside for having such a selfish, uncaring mother!

In essence, that is what you are saying.

(In actuality, that’s not the story.)

You sound like a heartless person, for the record. And you are literally making up a story that didn’t happen.

I can’t believe what I am reading on this thread. I am flabbergasted at how cruel people can be.

watergirl

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:23 am

I am so confused. OP, your son met up with these people while they are on their vacation? I assume your son made these plans on his own and told you it would all work out? In any case, I don't blame the wife at all. I don't think I would have been so fast to let some kid into my vacation home. A kid I don't know in a rented room - no way. It sounds to me like this was a situation that was not ideal but your son was just fine.

In general, we all have this idea that its not ok to be uncomfortable and its not ok to be unhappy for a short period of time. This is how one builds resilience. Repeat after me: it is ok to be uncomfortable. It's not fun but it is ok.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:27 am

watergirl wrote:

It is ok to be uncomfortable. It is not ok to be the cause of someone’s discomfort. To be honest, I have tears in my eyes. I can’t believe that I live in such a cruel world that so many people think it’s ok to leave a kid stranded. No wonder why I feel such hopeless despair all the time.

SixOfWands

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:32 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Right. Even if there's a good reason for not being able to let him into the home, make arrangements for the kid and help him out. Leaving a kid outside all day is cruel and heartless.

This isn't a little kid. This is someone who is old enough to arrange to travel long distances alone, intrepid enough to select a destination where there's no public transportation, and assertive enough to ask someone vacationing in a not-so-close spot to drive him an hour (and, of course, have an hour return trip) -- so what, 60 or 70 miles, well over 100 miles round trip? He's apparently not some shy and timid creature whom I'd assume wouldn't be able to figure out how to go to the store and pick up some food, or to amuse himself for a few hours.

Were there really no nearby amenities, stores, things to do? I'm a city girl at heart, so I don't understand why someone would vacation in a place without such things.

In the end, I probably would have allowed the adult (anyone who is able to travel this way is not a kid) to hang in my place (after locking up valuables -- he was a stranger to her, after all), or at the very least leave his stuff inside so he could wander around. But I would -- and do -- find the whole thing bizarre.

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:33 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

She didn't say that. I don't know why this situation gets you so upset. A 17 year old shows up suddenly at the door of your vacation home. You're all set for the day, with plans for your own family. The kid needs to get to a specific location and you offer the kid a ride later in the day. It's very possible, that the assumption was there that the kid would be occupying himself until that time. It's very logical, since this 17 year old was trusted enough to travel completely on his own in a strange country.

Sounds much more like a lot of miscommunication and poor planning, than some deliberate thinking..

Chayalle

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:39 am

I'll probably get lots of disagreement for this...but I still consider a 17 year old to be somewhere between a child and an adult. Not fully grown up yet.

If my 17 year old would travel to a different country, I would be somewhat involved in his plans, and communicate myself with the people involved, to make sure there are no holes and gaps in the trip. I wouldn't leave them to make their own plans and I would talk ahead to the people hosting to make sure it's all working out.

My 21 year old went to Europe this past year, and I heard her out to make sure all was planned. The last minute, one of her flights was cancelled, and B"H she was with responsible people who helped her to get a different connecting flight, etc...No way would I let her just go off on her own, even though she's B"AH very resourceful and capable.

Blessing1

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:39 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

Whoa! Do you know that you completely made up a story here?? You decided that the boy is rebellious and always living on the streets, how awful and disgusting of you. In most of the world, it's completely acceptable for a 17 year old to travel alone. This just seems to me like a misunderstanding and miss communication on both parts. There's no reason to get so nasty and make up awful stories.

amother

Denim

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:41 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

What are you talking about!!!
That is not the situation at all. Clearly OP cares enough to complain after the fact to us.
If you want to say that she is making up a story, you are making up a story.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:56 am

Read the OP carefully. Im not sure why everyone thinks the couple are on vacation in a vacation hotel or room. They went on a DAY trip and in OP original post it says the wife didnt want him in her apartment. Not hotel room.
If you also read it carefully the boy arrived at their apartment and only after he arrived did the couple leave on their DAY trip leaving him sitting there outside.
Im sorry but that is plain cruel.

groovy1224

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 10:58 am

I don't think there is NEARLY enough information here for anyone to make a judgement. For all we know, this man's wife ASKED this boy if he would be okay until they came back, if he had somewhere to stay, and he said 'oh yeah I'll be fine,' not wanting to impose, and she took him at his word, relieved not to have a stranger staying in her vacation home.

There is just too much we don't know. Maybe they're heartless, or maybe this was just a huge miscommunication.

Blessing1

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 11:04 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Right. We got just afew details, there's for sure more to the story.
OP, I'd appreciate if you clarify the details.
Maybe the son agreed to wait.
Maybe he sat in a shady spot/porch/uard and had enough food and drink. We know 1/2 of one side of the story, it's impossible to make assumptions based on what we know.

amother

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 11:12 am

Blessing1 wrote:

I wasn't there, so I don't know exactly. What he told me was, that his friend wanted to give him a bed of one of the kids, but she didn't want to let him stay there at all.
About food, he had some dry crackers packed for the trip for the next few weeks.
I'm not as worried for my son, again, he joked about it. I'm more upset that my neighbor who knows us well is treating my son as a scary stranger.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Aug 07 2020, 11:13 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Why does everyone keep saying the kid is a stranger? Op says it was a neighbor.