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Two year old's bed time takes 3 hours
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Good Friend




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:26 pm
I'm at my wit's end with getting my 2.5 year old to sleep at night.
Please tell me what to do to get to her sleep normally.
I know bedtime routine is important. I've tried different kinds of routines, all for at least a few weeks at a time. She either refuses it, or refuses to sleep at the end.
She currently takes a nap for about an hour from 2-3 and we start bedtime at 8 (after I put my 1 year old to sleep).
We tried skipping the nap for a few months, she's not ready for that and it doesn't cause her to sleep earlier.
I try to be strict about routine- sleeping in her own bed but she screams and tries over and over to go out. I put her back in over and over but she refuses to sleep.
She wakes up her baby brother several times a night and then they're both awake and it's very hard to put them to sleep at once.
We tried rocking her to sleep in her stroller, which worked for a few weeks but she's no longer interested.
She's too old to physically force anywhere- she can climb out of a crib and stroller.
Tonight I offered her to listen to a story when she's ready for bed. She listened for 2 minutes and lost interest. Went to go sleep in my bed... My husband's... The baby's after she woke him up... Back in mine... You get the picture. She always falls asleep after about 3 hours. And she's wide awake until then.
I know you'll all say she needs discipline. I try, but she's super stubborn, she screams and kicks and repeatedly wakes the baby and still doesn't sleep.
Once she falls asleep she usually wakes up once or twice, and the baby also wakes up a few times. Being that I can only start my evening (of cleaning up from supper, cooking and preparing classes, not even talking about relaxing or spending time with my husband) at about 10:30, there isn't much sleep happening, and therefore a constantly tired and kvetchy Mommy.
Now tell me please mothers of very stubborn toddlers- HOW DO I GET HER TO SLEEP?
Punch Crying (That's me angry and crying) My daughter is currently standing in my son's crib singing happy birthday because I give up.
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rachel6543




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:33 pm
Google the Supper Nanny show. Her techniques for putting toddlers to bed totally works! Worked with my kids.

https://www.supernanny.co.uk/A......aspx
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Good Friend




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:37 pm
rachel6543 wrote:
Google the Supper Nanny show. Her techniques for putting toddlers to bed totally works! Worked with my kids.

https://www.supernanny.co.uk/A......aspx


Thanks! I'll check it out. Do you actually have to watch the videos to understand the process?
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:39 pm
For one she naps way too late in the day. Try napping her from 12-1, or 12:30-1:30 instead

Also IMO more than routine is consistency. you need to be consistent. Sounds like she knows she boss in the family
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Good Friend




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:49 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
For one she naps way too late in the day. Try napping her from 12-1, or 12:30-1:30 instead

Also IMO more than routine is consistency. you need to be consistent. Sounds like she knows she boss in the family


I've tried moving the nap earlier, she's not tired yet that early.
She has become the boss despite my best efforts, I'm asking how to change that.
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amother




Coral
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 12:02 am
That sounds really rough and going to be a hard habit to break. You can though with a consistent, repeated, warm and loving message. These are my thoughts based on my experiences. Of course what works for my family may not work for yours.

At 2.5 she is old enough to understand a schedule. Perhaps make her a chart with the events leading up to bed...

For example by us it is
Dinner
Bath/pajamas (includes quick rub with cream for bad eczema but it calms my toddler down too)
Brush teeth
2 books
Shema/hamalach
Hug
Bed (we keep a water bottle/sippy cup in his bed so that's never an excuse to come out).

The routine is always the same and we give no attention after that. You can make incentives such as stickers, if she stays in her bed. Or I used to put 5 chocolate chips on a high dresser in a cup and every time I had to come in, the kid would lose a chocolate chip. Whatever remains in the morning is theirs. Find an incentive that works for her.

She must stay in her bed, leave her books, her favorite dolls. Hatzlacha.
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 12:55 am
I think the whole sleep schedule is off. I'd put her to bed earlier, and nap earlier. I have a daughter about that age and I put her to bed at 7. We don't have a whole bedtime routine, the truth is I've never been able to manage that with any of my kids. She gets changed, I snuggle her, we say shema, sing a song, I give her a water bottle, she goes to bed. In the morning she wakes up about 6:30 on average. Naps at noon-ish. Then is totally ready for bed again by 7.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 1:01 am
Sounds very hard! Agree to try for an earlier bedtime. My daughter has done better with an earlier bedtime which was counterintuitive to me. Good luck
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 1:20 am
Is she home during the day? Is she getting enough physical activity and stimulation? Sending hugs for you, it’s so hard to have so little alone time at the end of the day
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 2:02 am
She may actually be overtired by the time you get to bedtime. Try starting earlier.
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Good Friend




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 4:54 am
amother [ Coral ] wrote:


At 2.5 she is old enough to understand a schedule. Perhaps make her a chart with the events leading up to bed...

She must stay in her bed, leave her books, her favorite dolls. Hatzlacha.


Thank you. We tried a chart. I printed it out with a picture for each step, hung it up by her bed, she was very excited, especially to get a sticker when she finished, and got ready for bed. When she was in bed she got to choose a sticker, but had a hard time deciding and in the end I let her pick 2. (Waiting till she stays in bed till morning I think is too long of a time frame for her). Next night she's had a harder time choosing, next night a tantrum and she wants the whole chart. Great, new subject for tantrums. We continued for a few weeks, adjusting schedule as needed, but now she wants water with ice (she always wants her water with ice), so that's not something that can be left in her bed, needs to be brought fresh. Then she wants a straw, then to sleep in my bed, it goes on and on and she screams and cries till she gets it because I don't want her to wake the baby, or if I don't give her she does wake the baby.
Yes I know she's controlling me, I don't know how to stop it.
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Good Friend




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 4:57 am
I can try moving her whole schedule a bit earlier and see if it helps at all. I can only do so if she goes to sleep faster though, otherwise I can't leave the 1 year old up until she's asleep.

Does she get enough stimulation during the day? I don't know, maybe that's the issue. We are shluchim and don't have a Jewish school by us. When she's old enough she'll go to online school, until then she plays and learns a little with me and the baby in the mornings, sometimes goes shopping with my husband. In the afternoon she has a babysitter who comes to our house and they play, eat, nap, play on the playground, go to the pool (both on our shul and home property) and she comes to our afternoon Hebrew school 2 hours a week with the youngest class (5 year olds) and plays with the kids after school for an hour or so. She used to go to Gymboree activities like 3 times a week but its been closed for months due to Covid. Then she eats supper and plays while I put the baby to bed, and then it's her turn. Does it sound like she's missing stimulation?


Last edited by Good Friend on Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 4:59 am
I would start later... people have a rhythm, if she can't sleep at 8 and falls asleep at 11, there is no point in terrorising her and yourself for 3 hours with bedtime routines. put her to bed at 11.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:00 am
Good Friend wrote:
I can try moving her whole schedule a bit earlier and see if it helps at all. I can only do so if she goes to sleep faster though, otherwise I can't leave the 1 year old up until she's asleep.


Perhaps have her "help" you put the baby to sleep first. It might get her into the mood. In any case, I would definitely start the process much earlier. You don't necessarily have to shift her whole schedule, though maybe gently wake her from the afternoon nap.
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:20 am
Looks like it became a power struggle.
so the child is tense, so it cannot fall asleep.

I would back off for some time and tell her: you go to sleep when you are tired...
and wait till she regulates herself...
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amother




Mint
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:49 am
Sounds like the last 6months of my life. My child would stimulate him self for three hours until he just couldn’t resist anymore.

First I woke him up early (6-7 cant remember) so that his nap was very early.(11-12 latest 1). If he didn’t nap by 1 no nap allowed or he was still sleeping at 1 I woke her up. He was also too young to skip naps the naps so I only let he get a power nap to recharge (15-30mins).

Bed time he would also ask for a million things and cry and whine so I made a list of what I considered were HIS needs and he got everything in the list every night and no more. 1 1 blanky and pillow, Shema, no stories (he gets during the day, was too stimulating for him at bed time), a hug and kiss, and I’ll see you in the morning. And he has to stay in bed


Bedtime I made a very strict bedtime routine and made MYSELF follow it. Dinner, bath, Potty, pajamas, teeth, in bed, shema, I bring him fresh ice water (“stay in bed, I’ll go get your water”), hug and kiss, then I say stay in bed and make him stay in bed or stay in his room (one child could play until he was tired but my youngest would not do this. )

For us we got advice from a child psycologist To tell him we are closing the door then close it until morning. But I made it his choice/incentive, and say if he stays in the room/bed I’ll leave the door open. If he came out I put him back in bed and told him stay in bed then closed the door (after bedtime routine and all needs met) . At first he cried for a long time, but eventually he stopped. After I knew he was sleeping I opened the door till morning. Also noticed he helped himself with all the things he used to whine about. Climbed in bed by himself. Put his pillow in the right spot. Got his teddy and cup. Pulled up his blanky on himself so well just the way he liked.
After a few nights he stayed in bed and I left the door open.

If I sticked to the bedtime routine bedtime went faster, if I tried to skip anything or add anything I got resistance and it took longer

With him in his room I knew he was safe and had all his needs taken care of. Then I could take care of the household needs and myself. No more of my life revolving around one child’s bedtime.

Hope this helps
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amother




Sienna
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:02 am
Just sending love. No advice.
I have one like that. She is currently 17. The personality is difficult. She is a wonderful young woman with many fine middot but still difficult.
In my opinion, some people have a different temperament. Don't let others make you feel bad if they can't relate.
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:08 am
I know at that age my son took a very long time to fall asleep. I had to rub his back or sit in his room (for sometimes an hour).
Eventually I told him I'll rub his back for 3-5 minutes. Then told him my plans - I'm going downstairs to clean up, ill come up to check on you. (Went downstairs for 2 minutes, came up checked on him and gave him another kiss and another plan I was doing before coming to check again - usually he fell asleep between that and me going up again).


Nap is also very late. I would really try and stop the nap. You can have rest time where she relaxes, read her book, let her look at a book alone or just relax (not in bed). The transition from nap to no nap isn't easiest they get moody for a week or so - but they figure it out.
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amother




Mint
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:26 am
amother [ Sienna ] wrote:
Just sending love. No advice.
I have one like that. She is currently 17. The personality is difficult. She is a wonderful young woman with many fine middot but still difficult.
In my opinion, some people have a different temperament. Don't let others make you feel bad if they can't relate.
this is a relief to hear, is she still difficult as a teen, how do you deal with her temperament.
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stillnewlywed




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 9:45 am
Buy the book Precious Little Sleep
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