Teachers instilling fear in kids

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 11:44 am

DD was davening over the weekand I saw she was crying! She's 9 years old. I asked her why she's crying when she's davening, she said that her teacher said that Hashem only listens to our teffilos if we daven really with kavana and heart. She's scared Hashem won't listen to her davening so she crying that Hashem should listen. The teacher also told them that if they skip one word, the davening is nothing worth. She's so nervous about it that she cries. She said that if a girl peeks out of her siddur, she gets a stern talking too from the teacher & the girls are scared to move when they daven.
She's mentioned some other very strict and fear inflicting things that the teacher has said. Like if you don't dress tzenuis the malachim won't know you're Jewish and bad things will happen to you.... and other such type of things.
What would you do about this? How do I address this?

amother

Ecru

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 11:48 am

I am happy that you are an empathic mother who does not approve of such practices...
Listening to the answers...
Can't give you advice, just chizuk!

Simple1

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 11:52 am

I'm not a fan of strict teachers. But wanted to point out that if your daughter is the type that's prone to anxiety, it might not fully be the teacher's fault, but something you can work on from your child's end. It also can't hurt to discuss it with the teacher.

amother

Violet

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 11:56 am

Lol, I was remembering this past RH, that instead of the schools teaching us the order of the davening and what to say when, basically all they did was petrified us into being scared of forgetting the "melech hakadosh" etc and having to say shemoneh esraei again. In the meantime they never explained anything as simple as Alainu being in the middle of mussaf shemoneh esraei, so for years (until I got an Artscroll with specific directions) I was so confused, I never got what was going on! It's funny now, but it wasn't then! My mother never prepped me because she was busy staying home with the littles and must have assumed I learned it in school.

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 11:57 am

Simple1 wrote:

DD isn't prone to anxiety at all. She's just scared of the teacher.
I asked some mothers about it and they all think she's way too strict for 3rd grade. The question is what to do about it.
I remember my 6th grade teacher was like this. She said that if your bare foot touches the floor, there'll be a fire in your house. She even brought it out from some pasuk.
Since then I always always wear socks & I sleep with socks next to my bed and put it right on when I get out of bed.

ShishKabob

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 11:59 am

I would address this very very clearly.
I would say to my dd: this is NOT what we believe or live like at all.
We believe that Hashem listens to ALL our davening, even if we are smiling and are very happy while doing so. We should have kavanah by thinking what the words mean and really trying to daven to Hashem and asking him to accept our tfillos.
I have no issue in totally saying something the opposite of a teacher if that is what I firmly believe, or if I feel the teacher is having a disastrous affect on my child.
I do insist on having complete derech eretz to a teacher regardless if we agree with what she says or not.

I would also call the teacher and gently remind her that there are many ways to serve and daven to Hashem. And that for my daughter this type of davening, or scaring tactics don't work and you will not be encouraging your daughter to do so.
Your opinion also counts! Isn't this a partnership or something? Smile

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 12:16 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Omg! I went to your daughter’s school!!!

The school is a new school the older class is 6th grade. But I'm sure there are many such teachers around. They gain control of the classroom by making the kids fear them.

pizza4

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 12:34 pm

Oy.
I recently worked with a teacher who told a girl who threw a piece of her snack on the floor, that throwing food on the floor can make your family poor.
What a burden for a child to carry. How hard is it to talk about cleanliness and benefits of keeping our environment clean.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 12:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The school is a new school the older class is 6th grade. But I'm sure there are many such teachers around. They gain control of the classroom by making the kids fear them.

I literally learnt the same ****.
My principal in high school gave out a handout of aleinu with all the correct words and the translation. Under it was the same aleinu, but said quickly. So some of the words changed meaning. And the translation was right beside it. The principal went on to say that it’s an aveira to say it the wrong way, and you shouldn’t even bother saying it.
Oh yeah, and what’s that garbage about when you look out of your siddur, you burn a malach’s eyes? Anyone heard of that one?

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:04 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

I literally learnt the same ****.
My principal in high school gave out a handout of aleinu with all the correct words and the translation. Under it was the same aleinu, but said quickly. So some of the words changed meaning. And the translation was right beside it. The principal went on to say that it’s an aveira to say it the wrong way, and you shouldn’t even bother saying it.
Oh yeah, and what’s that garbage about when you look out of your sordid, you burn a malach’s eyes? Anyone heard of that one?

Oy vey! Why are teachers doing this?? This is so wrong.

amother

Navy

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:06 pm

You're the consumer here, and you have the right to have your child educated in a healthy way. Speak to the teacher, and then, if she doesn't change her tune, speak to the principal. And if that doesn't help, speak to the board of directors.

No school will ever do things exactly the way you would, but when the education damages your child, you need to speak up.

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:08 pm

pizza4 wrote:

Oh my our teachers used to say the same. We grew up knowing that if we throw food on the floor, we'll be poor.

watergirl

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh my our teachers used to say the same. We grew up knowing that if we throw food on the floor, we'll be poor.

I am curious. It sounds like you grew up in a school similar to the one you send your daughter to, with fear tactics and hellfire and brimstone mussar. Why are you doing the same thing to your daughter that you know was unhealthy when done to you?

amother

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:30 pm

watergirl wrote:

The school is not similar to where I went. We don't even live in the same city I grew up in. It has nothing with the school they go to, it's just this one teacher that's like this. My girls are in their school for years already and they've never had such a teacher. Bh all teachers so far have been amazing bh.

watergirl

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thats great! I apologize for jumping the gun. Please, speak to the principal asap.

little neshamala

Mon, Oct 26 2020, 1:57 pm

OP this is insane. Not because the teacher is "too strict", but because the teacher is flat out wrong, and is peddling misinformation to impressionable young minds.
Even worse is that this misinformation has the ability to make them view their religion in a negative light ch"v and who know where that can lead...
You absolutely MUST correct what the teacher told your daughter. While normally I do not encourage contradicting teachers, in this case I view it as pikuach nefesh, and you absolutely must inform your daughter that this is wrong.
As a Rav for guidance if you need.
And tell the principal asap so you can save some other neshamos too.
HASHEM YERACHEM