Patient asked if I’m married to the doctor

amother

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:34 pm

I’ve been working as a nurse for a specialist for over a decade and a patient asked today if I am his wife - when I said no and why - she said you look so comfortable together. She said this after I had posed a question to the doctor for the patient to understand the condition better. This made me feel so uncomfortable. The doc responded - she’s working with me over ten years. But it was embarrassing. Should I be doing something different to make myself look not so comfortable with the doctor ? I’m not even sure what she means by this. Any thoughts?

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:44 pm

I’ve had this before with people I work with and it makes me feel stupid followed by s-xual tension followed by anxious thoughts what am I doing wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️
The truth is I’m in a male dominated field and look like a trophy wife.

amother

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:48 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

Thanks for saying this. Not the first time this happened. I feel embarrassed by it. Didn’t feel like laughing at all. How can I feel ok with it

amother

Lemon

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This happened to me once when I was working for an Indian doctor.

We just laughed it off. I thought nothing of it.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:12 am

I'm very in sync with my boss (who's a doctor). We've been working together for a long time and he jokes about how he doesn't have to say things since I just read his mind. A patient once commented about what a good feeling it was to be getting care from people who work so well together.
I think it's normal and positive. I would feel the same way about working with a female coworker.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 3:13 am

You did nothing wrong. She sounds a bit socially off.
I have always worked well with my superiors. It's great to have an appropriate working relationship after 10 years. If you couldn't work well together there would be something wrong!
I am still close with a boss I had 20 years ago. He was not quite old enough to be my father but almost. We just clicked. I picked up his business needs very quickly and was a devoted employee. I took the job while I was in college and he knew I was leaving when I graduated. He was so upset when that day came. I had become like part of the family (The office was in his basement). He trusted me with his whole business. We kept in touch, we go to each other's smachot and feel very close. He still tells everyone to this day that he wants me back Smile

amother

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 8:12 am

Thanks everyone! I’m not a frequent poster but this was bothering me and I thought I would feel better hearing your responses. I’m glad I did!

amother

Rose

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 8:23 am

All it means is that you get along well and work well together. The question was nosy but not really "strange". It's not odd for a doctor's wife to work in his practice. I once had a dentist whose wife was his dental assistant-come-office manager. What bugged me was that he addressed her as "Mrs.". Just "Mrs." Not "Mrs. Dentist's surname." Not by her given name the way he addressed his daughter when she started working for him. What, he didn't want people to know the woman handing him his dental implements was his wife? Everyone knew anyway, since they lived in the neighborhood where the practice was and half their patients were their friends or neighbors.

silverlining3

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 10:16 am

Does seem a bit socially off. Not everything one thinks needs to be said/asked.

I may wonder too, but would never ask.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:46 am

I’ve been asked by many of my clients if I am married to one of my coaches. He’s Hispanic, and wears earrings. I’m from Flatbush area and wear a sheitel and skirts. Then again, they are special needs so it’s harder for them to pick up on these nuances. I always think it’s hilarious.

ShishKabob

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:52 am

I'll bite. Not too hard though. Smile

First, I don't think the comment means that something inappropriate is there.

Second, OP, do you feel there is some truth to it? Are you too comfortable with each other? If yes,
do you think that there is something you can put into place that will create a barrier between the two of you?

It might totally be nothing. But since you mentioned it, have an honest talk with yourself and see if there's room for improvement.

Good luck op! And lots of hatzlocha!

zaq

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:07 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

If this really distresses you, there are things you can do to make yourself look less like a trophy wife.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:17 pm

How do you address the dr? By his first name? Or dr so and so?
Maybe you're just smiley and friendly and ppl are not used to seeing friendly ppl anymore?

amother

Plum

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:24 pm

sorry op. I had the opposite. I was being trained in reception work and I did not realize that the lady training me in was the doctors wife. I only knew her by her first name. just thought she was another girl in the office. after a few weird comments from her I was thinking, what up? you dont say that about the dr/boss. lol, till I figured it out the next day I was really confused.

amother

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:44 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

I'll bite. Not too hard though. Smile

ThNks! Don’t call him by first name. I’m professional. Altho we have become good friends over the years nothing inappropriate. We don’t eat together and don’t speak outside the office ever. The comment did make me look deep inside myself. I don’t think there’s anything here that is not appropriate. I appreciate the responses.

amother

Purple

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 6:53 pm

zaq wrote:

If this really distresses you, there are things you can do to make yourself look less like a trophy wife.

not really, I’m in my 20’s, skinny blond sheitel, especially when I was pregnant no one guessed that I was actually “in charge” and a qualified professional. They just thought I was a clients wife or something.
(I tried dressing more conservatively less trendy, didn’t help. The worst part is it’s women who are usually the ones underestimating me!)