Eating in public on fast days

amother

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:27 pm

I know plenty of women don’t fast - not minhag, pregnant, kids, nursing, headache, busy, etc
But I always understood you don’t eat special foods -my kids don’t eat cake or nosh - and it should be in private. It’s still a day of mourning even if you eat. And if you need to drink while shopping you’d quietly pull out a water bottle.

One women posted how she felt bad not being able to fast. I always though that was the attitude.

But lately I’m seeing women eating publicly all over.
Posting their morning coffee
Posting their lunch
Walking around the grocery with a milkshake or snack.

It just rubbed me the wrong way. Anyone feel the same or am I just not DLKZ enough

nchr

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:35 pm

Drinking a milkshake while shopping is always in poor taste.

People who are posting pics of food are probably just not thinking into it. Where I am almost no women fast besides for tisha bav and yom kippur, although more do on asura bteves than other fast days, and I don’t think it's inappropriate for someone to be sitting outside watching their children while eating. That may be different in a different community though.

amother

Slateblue

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:38 pm

I only fast Yom Kippur and Tisha Ba'av and I never thought it was inappropriate to eat in public the other fast days, it's common for women not to fast the minor fasts. If I don't fast on Tisha Ba'av, I wouldn't eat in public.
But I don't walk around shopping while drinking and eating, that's inappropriate even for non fast days.

BetsyTacy

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:39 pm

I don't see people eating, but it would definitely not hit the correct chord with me either.

I also did not give the kids their "treat" snack on fast days when they were too young to fast but old enough to understand.

BetsyTacy

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:41 pm

I do understand it may be different in the world where women only fast TB and YK. My highschool had early dismissal on fast days as it was assumed we would be fasting.

notshanarishona

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:47 pm

So in general, I wouldn’t walk around with a milk shake either or go out to a restaurant on a fast day. I would go with a water bottle or eat in front of my students (who I am in front of all day) . I am not embarrassed to not be fasting but I wouldn’t eat treats on a fast day (or at least for sure not in public)

amother

Floralwhite

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:52 pm

I learned that you eat privately on the fast days if you’re not fasting. It’s just common sense.

I will never forget this. I was studying in COPE institute and half of our class were young frum women and the other half of new immigrants from the former Soviet Union. And I was in between belonging to the both groups. It was one of the fast days and all “Russian” ladies decided between themselves to go out of the building to have their lunch as it wasn’t nice to eat in front of us who were fasting. If these not yet frum ladies could understand that, why can’t we?

amother

Floralwhite

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:53 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

The question is, are your students fasting or they are not yet of age?
This would take all the difference.

notshanarishona

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:54 pm

So in theory I would eat privately, except that then I wouldn’t be able to go to work.. and I think those that are fasting would rather see me with a drink/ snack then be short staffed.
If you are going out for half an hour then yes it’s easy not to eat in public vs if you are at work for 6 hours.
It’s more of a courtesy than a minhag/ halacha as far as I know.

notshanarishona

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:55 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

The question is, are your students fasting or they are not yet of age?
This would take all the difference.

Some and some. This year I have 6th graders. I just very openly tell them that I can’t fast for medical reasons.

amother

Floralwhite

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 7:59 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Some and some. This year I have 6th graders. I just very openly tell them that I can’t fast for medical reasons.

I wouldn’t eat openly in front of 6th graders. It’s extremely hard for them to fast and look at someone eating when they just started. It’s much easier for adults to deal with it. Is there no breaks or anything whatsoever?

amother

Tangerine

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 8:03 pm

my sister in law asked her Rav (who is also my Rav) and he said it's better to not eat in public, and to not eat delicacies.
personally, I don't fast (I get low blood sugar) but I won't go out and order my daily salted caramel coffee milkshake. it's pretty hard for me not to, as it's a habit, but I feel like, that much I can do!!
I don't need to sip a salted caramel milkshake to get my blood sugar up!! a boiled egg will do nicely.

amother

Lilac

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 8:09 pm

Personally it doesn't bother me when people eat in front of me when I'm fasting. I work with a lot of non Jews and when they realize I'm fasting, they always apologize for eating in front of me, but I tell I don't mind at all.

In many chassidish communities, women don't fast at all other than Tisha ba'av and Yom Kippur, so on the other fast days, everyone knows that they're not fasting. It's not even a question. So it's not like you're fasting and I'm not. It's all females are not fasting.

amother

Amber

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 8:19 pm

Am I the only one who doesn't understand the point of posting your morning coffee or lunch even if it isn't a fast day?

amother

Slateblue

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 8:27 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Am I the only one who doesn't understand the point of posting your morning coffee or lunch even if it isn't a fast day?

There are nebach people that post their every move for the world to see.

notshanarishona

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 8:31 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

Depends on the schedule in any given year. Most years, my break / only time I can eat a snack is while the kids have a break but I still need to be supervising them.
And I for sure can't teach a whole day without drinking.
I know it's not ideal but it's that or taking off which isn't really an option.
Ok this year I am still off with covid so it isn't relevant but it's something that happens every year.
The kids get used to it. It's not any different than the many not Jewish teachers they have drinking while teaching.

southernbubby

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 8:35 pm

I usually fast on the minor fasts but one of my kids asked me until what age do I think that it's safe to keep doing it. I don't think that there is a specific age where people stop. The few times that I couldn't fast, I drank liquids and certainly wouldn't have gone out to eat. Last year on Taanis Esther I was on antibiotics so the Rav said that I didn't have to fast so I only ate or drank what was necessary.

amother

Scarlet

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 9:27 pm

I think it’s an issue with the education in those chassidish communities where “women don’t fast.” It’s like the day doesn’t exist for them on the calendar. They’re not even aware that it’s a fast day or what the significance of the date is.

Do they say Avinu malkeinu?