I just feel awful. My entire hair showing out

amother

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:56 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Not sure if you should call the ruv or the rav.

That doesn't answer my question, nur is being helpful in any way to why I opened this thread.

I didn't ask for spelling correction. Most of the time I spot my misspelling on my own . I find that Some people are just going to review someone's post not because they're there to help , just there to criticize! I dont mind you correcting me . If only it's done more respectful and not in making fun way . I assume it makes your day by commenting like that. I feel bad that that's the way that keeps you going ...

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:22 am

There is no halachic issue with the child seeing your hair. My boys have all seen my hair. Some people are more makpid for hashkafic reasons. But by no means do you have to get all bent out of shape about it and let it just go.
If I were you I’d put my focus on boundary setting and making sure your child is clear that it’s inappropriate to walk into a parent’s bedroom when the door is closed. Period.

little neshamala

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:24 am

thunderstorm wrote:

Yup

amother

Rose

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My teen son comes into my bedroom sometimes in the morning before he leaves to yashiva if he needs something from me, or is looking for something. Usually he knocks on my door, but I have to teach him that in the mornings he should do the same which I will bring up later to him . So today when he came into my room my entire hair was exposed to him and my snood was all down . I still feel horrible. I'm not comfortable my teen son should see my entire hair showing. Did anyone ever had such an incident? Or do you even care if your big son saw you like that? I do care and it bothers me that this happened.
From now on my door will have to be locked in the morning as well. Just my big boys wake up before me since they leave early, and sometimes it will come up that they need something. But I definitely need to make clear that knocking on the door has to be . I just wonder if I was oiver on this that my hair was all shown and he saw me like this. I know it depends on the culture which your used to . For us if most of hair showing is not acceptable. I dont think my son gave much thought to it , but I feel it was a certain exposure which I wouldn't want him to see. He does see hairs from my sides sticking out I assume during the day but it's still very different than see an entire pony tail. I'm wondering how wrong it is (were heimish) For me it's very uncomfortable. I dont think their is much I can do about it, just to be careful from now on to not leave my door unlocked . I would be happy if someone makes me feel that it wasnt end of the world. And should I call a ruv to discuss this or it's not relevant?

I would also be horrified if my children saw my hair especially older boys.
Maybe it was still dark in the room? Or maybe you weren't as exposed as you thought? Or maybe he averted his eyes when he realized?
Accidents happen... by accident. I would just take it as a lesson to try harder next time and try to forget it.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:10 am

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

Horror is a bit of a strong reaction. Discomfort is more appropriate for that situation, considering that it is not halacha. I'd be horrified if my teen son walked in while I was getting dressed, but hair covering in front of children is a sensitivity, not a halacha.

Last edited by amother on Thu, May 06 2021, 8:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Papaya

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:31 am

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

Why? I would be horrified if my son saw me in my undergarments... he sees my hair all the time. Whats wrong with hair? why are you so horrified

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:39 am

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

People who hold halacha according to kabbalah, absolutely the mother is not allowed to uncover in front of her children.
So yes I'd be horrified if any of my children saw my hair uncovered.

I understand the stringency in adhering to your chumros or Kabbalah. But does it warrant an extreme feeling of being horrified? Why that reaction? Does Kabbalah state that you will get severely punished for such a thing? I’m trying to understand the extreme reaction? I don’t mean to put anyone down here but this type of interpretation of Yiddishkeit sounds very anxiety provoking. I bet any Rav that heard that this happened wouldn’t have a horrified reaction.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:40 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

The problem with many women here telling the op that "it's not assur", is that op is obviously living in a world where this shouldn't and doesn't happen. This is her hashkafah. We're telling her that her hashkafah is wrong.

No. They clearly stated that it’s not Halacha. They said it’s a hashkafic issue and therefore because this is a one time that this happened she doesn’t need to feel hysterical over it.

watergirl

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:42 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

No one is telling her that her hashkafah is wrong. We are saying this is not assur. That is not the same.

There is a real problem when people conflate halacha and hashkafa. Even if something is against our personal hashkafos does NOT make it assur. This MUST be understood. People are empathizing and making suggestions to move forward. Still, this is NOT assur. "Not done" does not equal "assur". There is nothing at all wrong with having this hashkafah! Still, what happened here is not assur in any way. Maybe the issue is people not understanding what "assur" means?

amother

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:47 am

Chayalle wrote:

Your son should not enter your room without permission if the door is closed.

And you should treat him the same way.

It sounds like your family needs to understand and respect boundaries. When it goes in both directions, kids understand it.

So just to clarify. This was ironic since he always knocks before. Hes a good kid, and will take it well . He just needs a reminder that in the morning even if he rushes to make his bus or is afraid I wont hear him he should still knock . .

LovesHashem

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:48 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

No one said she is wrong for having her haskafa. We are telling her she didn't do an aveirah. She was worried about that in her original post.

Chayalle

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So absolutely give him that reminder and tell him that you understand he was rushing, but coming into your room without permission, when the door is closed, is a line that cannot be crossed. Even if he thinks you didn't hear. Or is afraid he will miss his bus.

amother

Rose

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:20 am

watergirl wrote:

If the Rav paskens that hair must be covered in front of children, that is halacha. Not hashkafa or optional. It's the way he interprets basic halacha.

amother

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:22 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

OP, I'd feel the same way, but just for that morning. Don't let it get you down.
Also, what does your son NEED from your room before he leaves? Or any other time?
I live in a smallish apartment, but still, the only things in my room are the ones DH and I need.

He just wanted to ask me where something is he was looking for. Technically he doesn't need me in the morning.