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Ladies name child simcha invitation
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:29 pm
Wondering. About to make an invitation for my sons bar mitzva. Got some heat from my parents when they saw that it has both my husbands name and mine as in mr—— and mrs last name would like to invite you.....why is it not considered more “modern” (coming from yeshiv home) to have my name there? Is something wrong with it? Is it not tznius? Thanks. Would love some comments and insight. Please don’t troll.
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paperflowers




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:36 pm
Nothing untzius about children having mothers.

If your concerned that it might be looked at funny, try checking out his classmates invitations to see how their parents’ handled it.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:41 pm
I wouldn’t think twice about it. Unless you are in circles where thats not accepted . Many invitations list both. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable . If you are old enough to make a bar mitzvah then you are old enough to decide on the invitation text without parental input. Are your parents always micromanaging you like that? It wouldn’t even occur to me to ask my parents opinion on an invitation other than to get spelling for grandparents names.
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amother




Lawngreen
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:44 pm
It was traditionally done that way.
I thought it was interesting bec my in laws were super accommodating about every minhag and detail at our wedding. The only thing my father in law insisted on was that only husbands first names were on invitations. By mother wasn’t thrilled but did that.
Now when we made our own bar mitzvah dh put both our names on it. My FIL didn’t say anything when proofreading the invitations. It didn’t bother him if we did it. But when listing my in laws we wrote husband name only.
We are litvish yeshivish as a reference.
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yesery




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:45 pm
I’m writing my name. It’s my child my choice. My parents said this and I am just curious as to where they got this from. Why is it not acceptable in some circles like you say? @notshanarishona
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:47 pm
It's a throwback to when women were known only by their husband's name, Mrs Joe Smith etc. Most people I know put the woman's name on as well. I probably wouldn't know most people if they wrote only their husband's name.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 5:49 pm
yesery wrote:
I’m writing my name. It’s my child my choice. My parents said this and I am just curious as to where they got this from. Why is it not acceptable in some circles like you say? @notshanarishona


The only place I have seen it not accepted is places like Beitar Iilit where their is more of a chassidish majority. Every place is America I have lived, it seems to be done both ways. People just choose what they are comfortable with. I don’t think their is anything not tznius about it.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 7:38 pm
Dh wanted to write both names he said I worked even harder than him to reach this milestone but I didn’t want to.
In our circles the only time people write women’s names is by a kallah , and the reason is that everyone should know she’s marrying this boy. For halachic reasons I think.
It’s ok I don’t mind people know who I am. Even if it only says Mr and Mrs. My husbands name and last name. That’s who I am. His last name is my identity for at least 13 years...

Doesn’t bother me at all and I appreciate the tznius aspect.
Dh comes from a mixed type of family background so he’s used to both ways...
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Mothers




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:08 pm
Here you can see an interesting selection of invitations to weddings of (later to be) Gedolim.

http://judaicaused.blogspot.co......html

Note that R’ Elyashiv had his mother’s name on his wedding invitation and his wife’s name on the wedding of their daughter to R’ Chaim Kanievsky.
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:18 pm
I chose to write not only my name but my mil and mom too. Noone batted an eyelash.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:47 pm
Mothers wrote:
Here you can see an interesting selection of invitations to weddings of (later to be) Gedolim.

http://judaicaused.blogspot.co......html

Note that R’ Elyashiv had his mother’s name on his wedding invitation and his wife’s name on the wedding of their daughter to R’ Chaim Kanievsky.

So nice.
I’m just wondering is that what they do now too? With Their grandchildren getting married?
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:50 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
The only place I have seen it not accepted is places like Beitar Iilit where their is more of a chassidish majority. Every place is America I have lived, it seems to be done both ways. People just choose what they are comfortable with. I don’t think their is anything not tznius about it.


Or any community that won’t list the Kallah’s name when printing an engagement announcement. Have you ever seen a mazel tov on the engagement of Binyamin Freed to Kallah Wasserman? It isn’t my taste. I guess I’m clearly not part of the community that does it.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:53 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
Or any community that won’t list the Kallah’s name when printing an engagement announcement. Have you ever seen a mazel tov on the engagement of Binyamin Freed to Kallah Wasserman? It isn’t my taste. I guess I’m clearly not part of the community that does it.

Really? Interesting. I’ve never seen that.
Which community?
Lev Tahor?
Just kidding #bad joke
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:53 pm
Definitely include your name

Ashrei yoladeto
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:00 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
Really? Interesting. I’ve never seen that.
Which community?
Lev Tahor?
Just kidding #bad joke


I think I’ve seen it in certain European communities. I would post an example from one of the simcha sites, but I would prefer not to single people out for my own entertainment.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:08 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
Or any community that won’t list the Kallah’s name when printing an engagement announcement. Have you ever seen a mazel tov on the engagement of Binyamin Freed to Kallah Wasserman? It isn’t my taste. I guess I’m clearly not part of the community that does it.

We know a guy who just got married. I can’t even remember one time that he mentioned her by name, every time he spoke about her, he said “my kalla.”
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yesery




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:41 pm
Thanks for the link! @mothers
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Crookshanks




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 13 2021, 9:15 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
We know a guy who just got married. I can’t even remember one time that he mentioned her by name, every time he spoke about her, he said “my kalla.”

If the guy does it himself I'd just think it's a sensitivity towards his wife. Doesn't seem awkard at all to me. I'm from Lakewood for reference Smile
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post  Wed, Jan 13 2021, 9:21 am
I find these immaculate conception invitations bizarre in the extreme. People have two parents, and one of them is a woman.

I once got a bar mitzvah invitation from (for example) a Mr. and Mrs. Cohen. I only knew the wife, and didn't even know the husband's first name, so I had no idea who had invited me.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Jan 13 2021, 9:21 am
DH and I agree that my name will go somewhere on the invitation when our DD's get married. (Lately I see it done on the Hebrew side, and on the English side it just says Mr. and Mrs. but whatever....) I think without the mother's name it's a disservice to those who are invited.

I recently got an invitation with a Chassan and Kallah with very generic names (think Schwartz and Rosenberg, something like that) and DH and I couldn't figure out at first who they were....then I realized the mother is an old friend. They moved, I still think of her as her maiden name, I didn't recognize it was her DD at all.....finally realized when looking at the grandparents on the bottom, who the invite was from.

The Torah has women's names, for goodness sake. What's not tznius?
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