S/O where do you sit at table

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Forum -> Household Management

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Poll

Where do you and DH sit at Shabbos table?

Chassidish - Sit on the side next to DH

33%

[ 52 ]

Chassidish - Sit opppsite end of table near lecht

[ 9 ]

Chassidish - Sit at head of table next to DH

[ 2 ]

Not chassidish - Sit on side next to DH

47%

[ 74 ]

Not chassidish - Sit opppsite end of table near lecht

[ 15 ]

Not Chassidish - Sit at head of table next to DH

[ 4 ]

Total Votes : 156

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:11 pm

S/O where do you sit at table? Will this change based on having guests or family size? Do your parents do the same?

amother

Taupe

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:20 pm

I did not vote
I do not keep lecht on the ttable Smile

I am not chassidish, and sit across the table, with no lecht Wink

Parents do the same.

I am yeshivish.husband always at had if table, wife either next to (on side), or across.

If I had a table as wide as the one in the video... My dh would take up the entire head, and I'd put the baby next to me at the other end Laugh

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:21 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

I did not vote
I do not keep lecht on the ttable Smile

I am not chassidish, and sit across the table, with no lecht Wink

Should be edited to with or without the lect. I guess select that since it's about the location not the lecht! Oops! Banging head

amother

Taupe

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Should be edited to with or without the lect. I guess select that since it's about the location not the lecht! Oops! Banging head

Ok, fine, I'll vote LOL

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:24 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Ok, fine, I'll vote LOL

You deserve a VOTED sticker! Hooray

amother

Teal

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:24 pm

Chabad Chassidish- I sit at the other end of the table so that kids and guests will all be attended to and not left out.
Sometimes my husband and I switch seats- both ends are considered head of the table.

My parents sat near each other and the kids at the end were always ignored, noisy, and disruptive.
I made sure not to repeat that.
ETA: my licht are in the middle of the table, not near an end. To me it's not a shabbos table without licht. I know many people have them on the side. Personal preference.

amother

Natural

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:37 pm

I voted the first option. when I have a toddler they sometimes sit on the side near dh and I sit the seat after so we can both tend to the toddler. when there's guest we make seating arrangements based on them, I.e. when it's parents they will get the head table, when it's friends we make sure they and their kids will be comfortable with their seats. when it comes to having children in law that also changes sitting arrangements a lot.

caffeine99

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:45 pm

Chabad - chassidish(ish) I sit next to my husband on either side depending on if the air conditioner is in. I prefer to sit closer to the kitchen but that side has the AC in summer.

My mother always alternated seats either next to my father or at the other end -depending on how may kids were home and the fighting between sitting near them.
When there were guests it really depending on the most tznius arrangement.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:50 pm

I didn't vote because none of the options fit.

Here's the thing:
We are chassidish. We used to have DH at the head and me at the side closer to the kitchen, with kids dispersed, one between me and him, one after me and two near him at the other side. This way almost every child had an adult next to them to help them out.

Then there was a thread here on imamother a few months ago about seating around the Shabbos table and a few people mentioned having their DH sit at the side and they either sit next to him or opposite him. I convinced DH to give it a try and we all loved it!!! DH sits at the side with a kid on each side, I sit opposite him with a kid on each side. DH and I see each other easily across the table, kids still each have an adult nearby, I sit at the side closer to the kitchen. We can each reach things on the table more easily and enjoy the less formal arrangement.

However, when we have guests we go back to the more traditional seating arrangement because in our circles our newer arrangement would make our guests uncomfortable.

amother

Silver

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:56 pm

Chassidish. I used to sit at the side next to DH, but I wanted my kids to participate more at the meal so they sit at both sides of DH and I sit next to DD. If the kids leave the table, I move up. When we have guest, they usually sit at one side of the table and me & kids sit on the other side.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:22 am

I'm Chabad. I'd love to sit at the corner near my husband, but we need to divide and conquer the kids. So we sit at opposite ends of the table. This way two can sit next to him, two next to me, and the rest spread in the middle.

amother

Gray

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:42 am

Chassidish. My mother sat at the end of the table, I sit on the side near dh (started like that in shana rishona and never switched, its closest to kitchen). When we have guest, its always men on one end, women on the other end.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 3:31 am

Where do you sit if there is no dh around at the shabbos table?

I sit in the middle and have kids opposite and next to me Smile

Mayflower

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 3:33 am

Chassidish (light). My husband sits at the end of the table, I sit on the side, either next to DH or with a child in between. When we have guests I'll move further to the side to create a men/boys side and a ladies/girls side.

amother

Tan

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 3:48 am

Not chassidish..We each sit on opposite ends of the table. We consider them both the head of the table, neither is more central or elevated. There are no candles on the table (I don't see how that works, how do you switch tablecloths etc?)
Our table only seats 8 so it's not like we are so far away from each other that we aren't sharing the same conversation. Our kids are teens so everyone is part of the discussion. If we have guests, places may be rearranged, and one or both of us may find ourselves sitting on the side.
I definitely do not identify with homes where the dh, and only the dh, sits at a formal head of table, often in a fancier chair than the rest, and his wife sits to the side or in a corner. Not my mentality at all. Even my parents, who were extremely traditional, sat at opposite ends, and my mother had her own head of table, not a mere corner.

amother

Lime

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 4:46 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Same!!

zaq

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 8:55 am

Depends on whether we have guests or not, how many guests we have, and the guests' needs such as being able to help a small child eat or leaving the table for frequent bathroom breaks.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 11:14 am

None of the options fit our arrangements. We go by the kids. Dh sits at the head and then the kids decide whether they want to sit next to him or not. I just put myself wherever since I'm not bothered. If the kids aren't around then I sit next to dh.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 11:17 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

How many kids do you have?

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 11:20 am

Chasidish: have one toddler. we both sit on the long end

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