Who died? s/o men-women in office

amother

Jade

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 7:10 am

A compliment is not necessarily a direct flirt but it could definitely be with the intention of forming a relationship with someone you're attracted to, or even without that intention. Office flings happen. Affairs happen. You know what I mean right? They're less likely to happen if you keep it strictly work talk. If you start being okay with compliments its a slippery slope. Working closely with a guy who tells you that you look good today is an entirely different relationship than a work only relationship. For me it is anyway. It depends on what type of boundaries you want to keep at work and with men in general.

Something to think about. Imagine your husband worked in an office with very attractive females. Would you appreciate knowing he kept the talk strictly about work? What if you knew he was telling them he liked their sweater, their earings, the way their hair was styled. Or they were telling him he looked good today.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 9:09 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Ok now I’m confused. On this thread we agree compliments aren’t flirting. But on the other thread, it seems like that is.
How do I know if I’m being appropriate at work? I’m friendly with the men I work with but none of us ever say or do anything inappropriate. We’re all married.

I don't think it's flirting but it crosses the line of how I interact with male non family members. It's perfectly fine and healthy to have personal boundaries that go beyond flirting so long as you're not giving off negative vibes.

zaq

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 9:54 am

DrMom wrote:

I'm sorry you are self-conscious about your new glasses.

It is perfectly normal for a coworker to notice and remark when a colleague gets glasses, though.

And it is certainly not flirting.

In re glasses specifically, our employees are all covered by the same vision plan with a specific company. Naturally, some people are covered by their partner's (or if very young, their parents' ) vision plan, and some people choose to spend the money and use a non-participating provider or buy non-approved frames. So if someone shows up with new glasses that are in any way not run-of-the-mill, it will generate questions because coworkers want to know if they're from the current approved collection.

cbsp

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 10:30 am

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

I would feel exceedingly uncomfortable if a man would make any comment about how I am dressed or my appearance.

So a lifetime ago I worked as the senior computer lab tech for Touro college. I was pretty young in a male dominated field and my main location was in the men's division on 23rd street in NYC (this was before they built Landers).

When I was first merely a lab tech (minus the senior) I was "reprimanded" by my boss (a chassidish guy from Boro Park) for not making eye contact with the students - apparently someone complained. He said he understood my need to be tznius but that I'd have to act more "normal" around the students.

(side note: I found out last year who lodged the complaint. It was a student who [unbeknownst to me] was trying to get me to go out with him. He figured that by complaining to my boss I'd loosen up)

A year later I was promoted to a senior position. Since we were a college we'd celebrate the end of a successful semester with an off campus meeting. Sometimes it was lunch at a restaurant, other times it was a picnic. One winter it was going to an upscale billiards place.

I never really paid so much attention to what I wore - my colleagues all wore tees and jeans and the actual professors wore suits. I dressed somewhere in between. On the day we went to shoot pool I wore a red knit sweater set made by the B. A. D. company. It had its logo on the front of the cardigan as well as an embroidered picture on the back.

Before we went off campus we actually had a real meeting, discussing the different locations and what was needed for the upcoming semester. At the end of the meeting my boss said "oh, and one final point. Apparently Baila went bad." oh boy did I blush.

Everyone joked about it the rest of the day, all in good fun. It even made it into the recorded minutes for the meeting.

It was not harassment or flirting - but I'm still uncomfortable to this day.

amother

Wine

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 8:19 pm

20 years ago, one of the points made at the corporate sensitivity training at my office (for all graduate level professionals) was that remarks on the appearance of another coworker could be harassment. Individuals could lodge a complaint, which would trigger an investigation into the incident. All other interactions between the two employees would be examined, which could paint the complainant, the actor or both in a bad light, and it would be in their HR file, affecting advancement and future employment.

I work somewhere else now, but I still watch what I say at work. It's not just about "tznius" or "boundaries." It keeps my work relationships appropriate and professional. Safe topics: work (don't bad mouth anyone), housing, renovation gone wrong, weather, vacations, commute (now Zoom stories), cute kid antics unrelated to religion or politics. In 2021, I'm surprised people here are so out of touch with what is acceptable professional subject matter for the workplace.

Some of what was mentioned on this and the other thread could be interpreted as s-xual harassment under current NY law. Just because your co workers are frum doesn't mean you don't have a case, ladies. Even the flirting of co workers that creates a s-xualized environment can be harassment under the law.