S/O Happy/ healthy childhood

amother

Copper

Thu, Feb 18 2021, 7:55 pm

I felt comfortable at home, I worked hard to help my mother as she wasnt well in her childbearing years, I had my fun at home with my siblings, my mother treated me alot, I was well liked in school, we had what we needed, what more could I want???

It was happy.....

When I got married and I heard the hair raising experiences my DH went through I appreciated even more my home. Even though friends who hear about my childhood would say "poor you, you worked so hard at home!" I personally did not find it bad and have no resentment to my mother I undrstand her situation at the time.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Feb 18 2021, 7:56 pm

My parents. They’re amazing and incredibly chilled out. My home was always happy and cheerful. I can count on one hand the few times I’ve seen my mom get angry. My father has gotten angry a bit more than her but always apologized after and asked for forgiveness. He was also very very loving and he was always reminding us how much he loves us. Every time I see him he gives me a big hug even up until today. Sometimes he’ll call me or come visit just to give me a hug.

amother

Mint

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 5:15 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

Unfortunately, many victims of parental abuse don’t even realize the abuse. They think it’s functional and normal. They grow up pretty much happy, but not at all healthy.

OMG, this, this, this. My husand grew up in a very dysfunctional household. Major dysfunction and abuse. But thats all he ever knew as a childhood. It took him years of therapy to even realize that the way he grew up was not normal and was also abusive. It was a very heavy day of therapy for him. But this definitely happens a lot.

amother

Maroon

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 7:39 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

can you give examples please? I cannot imagine.

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 7:55 am

Sometimes a household provides what a child needs to grow up in the circumstances they had, especially if there were no major challenges. But they were not given the tools to deal with challenges when they arise, or to be resilient and also thrive in a different environment than they grew up in, with different responsibilities, different communication styles, etc.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 11:00 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

can you give examples please? I cannot imagine.

Some kids grow up with parents that criticize everything, bully them, make fun of them, hit them as a means of discipline (yes. Potching is a no no.), yell at them, get obviously annoyed at everything they do, don’t ever support them, control them, manipulate them....and the kid thinks that this is the way it’s supposed to be. That this is simply how parents are.
They grow up happy, fed, cleaned, clothed, taken to appointments and have birthday parties, hugs and kisses, etc. But that’s still not healthy.

amother

Emerald

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 11:42 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

can you give examples please? I cannot imagine.

I never knew how bad my childhood was till my 20s when I realized..

I grew up in a big family. Tons of yelling and screaming and pressure all the time.my mother never bought me clothing (Im talking about underwear, tights basics) we got these big black bags from who knows where and I would sort through it to find myself clothing. I don't remember ever getting a new uniform, either it was from my sister or the Gemach. I worked extremely hard in the house and always got told off I wasn't working hard enough or my wokr wasn't good. Alwau being put down.
My mother always beat us up. I use the word beat and not smacked.bc she was really violent. Throwing us to the the floor ,jumping on us, digging her nails deep into my arms . Throwing us against the wall in frustration.
We had to scramble around house for food, she sometimes made delicious dinner but not always, was very inconsistent. And when she did we can only eat on her terms . Most times it was so late I already sneaked a few Apples and whatever else and wasn't hungry anymore.
I usually took my younger siblings to dentist appointments, in the city alone on the train from quite a young age.

And I can go on and on

Now this was all from when I was born. This was my reality, I thought it was normal (till at least high school when I realized my family is not the norm, but abuse? That never came to my mind)

Looking back and raising my own family with my incredible husband I know how badly I was abused. But till I was quite old I really had no idea

Am I crazy?? Anyone else have this experience?

#BestBubby

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 12:04 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

This! A Home that is Happy. Parents that are loving and affectionate.

#BestBubby

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 12:06 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

See, even if a child has to work hard, as long as they feel appreciated and have their basic needs
met is was a Happy and Healthy Childhood.

amother

Lemon

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 12:07 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I'm sorry you had to experience this! Come join us in the growing up with severe parental abuse group. Hug

amother

Lavender

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 12:11 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I'm so sorry you went through this. I can relate to not knowing what is normal or not.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 12:16 pm

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

You can have a happy and unhealthy childhood

This. I had a very happy childhood. At home I always felt loved. My parents hugged and kissed me. They bought me things, took us on trips. Told me I was cute and beautiful. I always felt they cared about me and would love me no matter what. At school I had friends, I did well academically. So I was happy and I felt very blessed. Only as an adult did I realize all the dysfunction. Although, nothing compared to severe abuse or neglect, it effected me in a lot of ways.

#BestBubby

Fri, Feb 19 2021, 12:59 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Can you explain what was dysfunctional?