What are we going to do about the candy situation?

amother

Puce

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:17 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Let the mom buy fun erasers and cute pencil box supplies for the tutor to give instead. Yes, a sticker isn't that exciting. But a cute item is, and the girl will likely be thrilled. It really isn't fair to expect the tutor to lay out the money, though. Candy is cheap & easy to buy in bulk. Dollar store items add up quickly especially for multiple students, so if an individual parent prefers no candy, let them lay out the money for their own child to get that instead.

It’s cheaper to feed the kid food coloring and high fructose corn syrup, so you will train these kids who are already diagnosed with adhd to turn to this stuff for rewards? Never mind the research that shows how these foods affect their functioning? Sorry but I don’t think much of your teaching philosophy.

My daughters particular case isn’t the point. And for the record she’s had therapists who didn’t give nosh and instead used a point system and gave a prize once in a while. She’s just as happy to go to them.

The issue here isn’t money, it’s that you see nothing wrong with using candy as a reward. And yes I can let the woman know I don’t want her giving it to my daughter. But at this point I don’t want to rock the boat for a variety of reasons.

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:21 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

I agree with you. It’s high time teachers, therapists and schools get caught up on the science. It’s poor therapy to be treating a client and harming them at the same time.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:26 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Huh? You were the one bitterly complaining about candy bring given as a prize. I was simply explaining why a tutor would be using candy or cheap stickers. I didn't say I agreed with it.

For your information, I work in a school where no edibles are given so the kids are basically pretty happy with stickers or cheap pencils. However I have come across parents with attitudes like yours where they just expect the teachers or principals to spend money out of their own pocket with no acknowledgment or appreciation, nor does it ever occur to them to chip in for these sorts of things. The entitlement gets old pretty quickly, let me tell you.

Sending in a nice assortment of prizes the tutor can use for your daughter and/or for the other kids, too, is not rocking the boat. The tutor will be thrilled. I am pretty sure she would be happier to get that than a Purim card or mm.

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 12:40 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

I don’t think it’s entitled at all for parents to expect therapists to pay for their own incentives, and want it not to be junk food. I’m a therapist. Either way, as the OP, I really wasn’t looking for situational stop-gap solutions. This crisis needs global, systemic change.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:09 pm

I agree that it needs to be a group effort. Every single thing that has ever changed started with a few individuals getting together and making the change. Right now it seems impossible. But so did women's voting, before it became the law.and slavery, and lots of other things that have changed due to the efforts of individuals.

Imo, some of the blame lies with the candy companies, who come out with new types of junk and candy every year.
Rebbeim and teachers dont have to give candy and they dont have to give cheap trinkets either. They could give out tickets which the kids can later trade in for a bigger prize. I dislike little dollar store trinkets almost as much as the candy.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No mother actually wants their kids eating that much candy, so why are we all giving it, or letting our kids give it? Will things ever change??

When my housekeeper left at 5 PM Friday, she had every piece of candy and nosh sent by friends and neighbors with her in a couple of shopping bags. Problem solved.

No, I don't want my kids having candy and junk. Yes, we give out healthy food. And you know what? It's a lot more money and work so I can't judge those who just throw some cheap junk together. What I can do is get rid of it before my kids eat much of it.

amother

Puce

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Same here. I worked as a tutor for several years. Our agency told us we weren’t allowed to give nosh as an incentive. Practically everyone did anyway, because it’s cheap and it works. This is even after the agency helped pay for some of the prizes.

Now my own daughter is getting serviced by that same agency and here she is coming home with the nosh. Expecting the tutors and therapists to follow their own agency’s rules isn’t “entitlement”. Yes, I live in Lakewood. No one here follows the rules. That doesn’t mean you’re doing the right thing when you use a nosh as a prize.

amother

Puce

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:18 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Rebbeim and teachers dont have to give candy and they dont have to give cheap trinkets either. They could give out tickets which the kids can later trade in for a bigger prize. I dislike little dollar store trinkets almost as much as the candy.

Well said. I’m not asking anyone to spend more. Just to find a way to motivate kids without nosh. Yes, it makes your job a little more challenging. But this is why you’re getting paid.

honey36

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:18 pm

I also think it's possible to put a handle on the situation. My proof is that my girls school is much more on top of it than my boys school. They have a nutritionist they consult with, and they make sure that there is prizes and no candy/junk food for special days (rosh chodesh, etc). They have policies reg. What snacks the kids are allowed to bring and it's in the handbook so all the parents know.

My boys school on the other hand is totally out of control. Cans of soda for every siyum and rosh chodesh...I think if the parents are really interested in making changes they should speak to the teachers/principals and see if they can work something out...

amother

Puce

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:21 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

For your information, I work in a school where no edibles are given so the kids are basically pretty happy with stickers or cheap pencils. However I have come across parents with attitudes like yours where they just expect the teachers or principals to spend money out of their own pocket with no acknowledgment or appreciation, nor does it ever occur to them to chip in for these sorts of things. The entitlement gets old pretty quickly, let me tell you.

If you’re not giving nosh as a prize then I’m obviously not referring to you. I have no clue why you think I’m entitled when all I’m asking for is something that you’re apparently already doing. Laugh

amother

Khaki

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:47 pm

Maybe this should be a spinoff, but I think the food situation is out of control by adults as well. Just the food is a lot more sophisticated.
I remember a time when you got together for tehillim in someone's house once a week or once a month, and that's all there was to it. Today, in the tehillim groups I go to, there is a spread for after the tehillim.
Years go I was part of a shidduch group. We got together in someone's house to try to brainstorm shidduchim. Sometimes the host put out cookies, usually not. A pitcher of water, that's it. Then one day, one of the women who had recently joined asked if the next meeting could be by her house. When we got there, we saw a big spread of cakes and fruits. The follOwing week the spread was even more elaborate. Needless to say, we didnt get much done in terms of shidduchim brainstorming.
You cant bring people together anymore without "dessert buffet" on the flier.

honey36

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 1:58 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Yes! Besides these types of gatherings are the least of our problems! I feel like there is so much we need to work on in the community to make us more health conscious. Unfortunately the bad habits are built in everywhere. Think 5 course Shabbos meals once a week, crazy amounts of food in yom tov etc. Fried foods on chanukah- ok only once a year, but then is Purim, pesach, shavuous... where people go crazy with all the sweets and treats and it all adds up! Minimal amount of physical activity/exercise for men b/c davening/learning always comes first and women- many exercise venues are not tznius...

amother

Silver

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:04 pm

Like another mother pointed out before
The problem is not that prizes cost more than candy.
The problem is that most people in our community don't even understand the problem with candy as rewards.

The amount of candy my daughter comes home from school with is mind boggling.
My child trades it in for money and gets to buy prizes instead. Luckily she already realized that candy makes her sick and prizes last longer than the half hour sugar high.
But like all other mother's here I don't want to be "that mother" and so I keep my mouth shut watching the teachers drowning our kids in garbage coloring and sugars causing more and more ADHD and behavioral issues.

amother

Silver

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:06 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

This calls for a spin-off of our community's gashmius standards that are just beyond. Food food food food food.

amother

Silver

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:20 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

It's once a year, so they'll spend next week eating all this candy and nosh, but the rest of the year they eat very healthy so it doesn't bother me at all.

This is exactly the issue. Once a year great. This is a daily problem.
We are discussing how to deal with people like you 😉

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:20 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

Be the change you want to see

Here’s the thing. Food additives give your taste buds and brain a chemical fix. Once your brains been exposed to that kind of fix it’s going to keep wanting it. It’s a literal addiction. So me feeding my family real food becomes a real challenge when everyone around them is giving them and eating chemical soup. They don’t want my real food and they keep craving the fake stuff. This isn’t a battle I can fight on my own. It’s a catch 22.

amother

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 2:22 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

It's once a year, so they'll spend next week eating all this candy and nosh, but the rest of the year they eat very healthy so it doesn't bother me at all.

It’s not once a year. I don’t buy it. If you believe your kids don’t eat junk the rest of the year either you are in denial or we have very different ideas of what constitutes healthy food vs nosh.