Dd throws away stained underwear during period

amother

Silver

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 8:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have a housekeeper and I didn’t teach my children to really help at home. My married Dd does everything now that she is married. My teen Dd is very responsible otherwise and keeps her too organized but doesn’t clean or do laundry. It’s too late to really change now. I will talk to her about overnight pads. I never used tampons. Should I tell her to get tampons. Do you think she talks to her friends about all the options? Maybe I should ask my older Dd for advice:(. I have very good relationship with my married Dd. What are the special underwear for the period do they work?

How old can she be?? No, it's not too late. My mom taught me how to do my laundry when I was 12, I think. It really wasn't a big deal. As I said before it is a valuable life skill. I read that Michelle Obama made sure her daughters did their own laundry when they were living in the WH, and of course they had a housekeeper plus all sorts of staff doing household chores. She felt very strongly it is something a teenage girl should know how to do, and be responsible for, and I agree with her.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 9:22 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

When my very spoiled friend got married she had no idea how to do laundry or keep a home. She was used to a live in maid who did everything for her. Her mother came to her house every day in the beginning of her marriage to show her how to do things. She wrote down instructions for how to use a washing machine and taped it on the door of the machine. She showed her how to use a mixer to bake a cake. A little sad that my friend literally couldn’t do a thing. Now it’s years later and she’s a fantastic housekeeper. Even better than I am. Never too late but why wait until the last minute to teach a girl how to take care of things?

PeanutMama

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 9:33 pm

When I first started menstruating at 11 for the first few months I definitely stained
My mother taught me to wash my underwear immediately with cold water and soap and dump it in the washing machine till I learnt how to put on a pad properly

amother

Blush

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 9:51 pm

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

I know how to put a pad on properly and I still leak. Some of us are very heavy bleeders.

I bought my daughters darker colored underwear. I figured the stains are a lot less noticeable and embarrassing on black and navy than on white and soft pink. And I also taught them to do their own wash so they aren't embarrassed about someone looking at it.

Teomima

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 10:03 pm

Of course you should talk with her. And she should learn she can't go throwing away perfectly good clothing just because it's soiled.

It's never too late to teach a child how to do laundry. If she's old enough to be menstruating, she's old enough to wash her underwear. It doesn't matter if she's never touched a laundry machine in her life.

When my daughter got her period for the first time, I took her to the pharmacy and we looked over the wall of sanitary products and discussed everything: pantyliners, pads, wings, tampons, etc. I bought one of everything she expressed interest in and at home encouraged her to open one of everything up so she could see what it is and how it worked and how to use it. I taught her how to clean her underwear and when she washes it on cold all stains come out.

Girls have to learn these things, even if they're shy and embarrassed. And it should be the mother who teaches them. Just do it in a calm, natural, pleasant, yet matter-of-fact manner, and all will be well.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Feb 28 2021, 10:20 pm

Does your housekeeper do the laundry? I know I would probably be embarrassed by her seeing stained underwear vs a mother it probably wouldn’t bother me as much unless she is uncomfortable with you doing her laundry as well. Being able to do laundry and remove stains is a valuable life skill.

Teomima

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:20 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

How come I didnt know blood should be washed in cold water?? I always do towels and undies in hot because hot kills the germs. If I wash undies in cold, is that good enough??

There best thing to kill germs is good old soap and water so yes, cold water is enough.

Besides, what germs in menstrual blood are you so concerned about?

The only thing I've encountered that I needed hot water for was bedbugs.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:27 am

Teomima wrote:

THIS, especially the bolded.

OP, where did your DD learn that having her period was an embarrassing and shameful thing? She should be able to talk to you about any health related subject.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:36 am

Is it the stains on washed underwear that are the problem or is it the fresh blood before the underwear is washed.

Dark panties solve the problem of stained but clean panties.

Like others, when I started menstruating my mother told me that I should rinse the panties out in cold water because hot water would set the stains. I then put the rinsed panties in with the rest of the laundry.

If your daughter is having issues with the actual process - I.e. thinking that it is somehow "dirty" and "embarrassing" hopefully she will get over it. I got my period relatively early as no one I knew had gotten it so I was embarrassed even among other girls. I still remember the first summer I got my period when we had gone to someone's house to swim in the pool and some very very tactful lady there saw that I was embarrassed when the girls were asking me why I wasn't swimming and so she handled the situation so that I was off the hook. Thankfully in a year or so, periods were something I discussed comfortably with my girlfriends - we even taught each other how to use tampons.

huff

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:44 am

I used to do this, mostly because I was squeamish about blood and didn't want to mess around with it. So if I leaked I'd just throw it away with the pad. I would have been heartbroken if my mom had forced me to clean it up. Can't you just buy her cheaper underwear-like a supermarket brand and leave it be?

notshanarishona

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:47 am

Teach her how to use a pad properly and make sure she is using good sized ones for her flow but leave it up to her. If you can afford a housekeeper presumably a few pairs of underwear won’t make you go broke.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:48 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

How come I didnt know blood should be washed in cold water?? I always do towels and undies in hot because hot kills the germs. If I wash undies in cold, is that good enough??

The hot water can set the stain, so generally you rinse in cold water to get as much out as you can. I then wash normally, but you could use hot water if you're worried about germs.

Elfrida

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:56 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

OP, where did your DD learn that having her period was an embarrassing and shameful thing? She should be able to talk to you about any health related subject.

The average four year old knows that we don't generally discuss things that come out of our body. It can be hard to break through that reserve, especially if the mother isn't so comfortable. Children pick up on body language at least as much as spoken.

amother

Green

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 7:57 am

For everyone saying to teach her to use pads properly, yes, but. In the first year or two, most/many teens have very unpredictable cycles, both in timing and intensity. It's very common that it comes, strongly, on a day they would never expect it. So that first day will be an issue. As a teen, whenever that happened I threw them out.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Mar 01 2021, 8:20 am

huff wrote:

So you threw out a few pairs each month?
You would have been “heartbroken “ if you had to rinse them??