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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 12:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I totally hear both sides, my dd is new to the whole therapy idea and is feeling anxious she feel more safe when im around.
She is a sociable girl and hangs out with friends without me all the time but if im around they all chat with me as well. I consider myself a fun mom and have a great relationship with my children. Maybe they are a bit dependent on me and I do give them all the space they want but why is it so bad if they want me in their lives?
I get there are teens that hate their mothers around because I was one of them but is there no such a thing as a teen that enjoys their moms company?

Find a good wise and compassionate therapist who has her pulse on the situation and can zoom both in and out and be ok with having you in session while also empowering your daughter to eventually be ok on her own.
Both are important.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 12:15 pm
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
Find a good wise and compassionate therapist who has her pulse on the situation and can zoom both in and out and be ok with having you in session while also empowering your daughter to eventually be ok on her own.
Both are important.


Shes so expensive and it took 3 sessions just to interview "get to know my dd", meeting with dh and I first she didnt even begin giving my dd the 'tools' to cope with the situation at hand. Id love to give her a chance and see what she has to offer. Id also love to hear what that is so I can help my dd when things get tough since 90% of the time I need to be that therapist for her.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 12:24 pm
Well then- you keep your pulse on the situation!
There are many more therapists out there with many different style- if it doesn’t sit right with you look further.
And keep in mind the fact that she charges a lot doesn’t make her competent and doesn’t make her right for you
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 12:32 pm
Sounds like she's not very good then. It should not take 3 sessions of interviewing.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 12:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I totally hear both sides, my dd is new to the whole therapy idea and is feeling anxious she feel more safe when im around.
She is a sociable girl and hangs out with friends without me all the time but if im around they all chat with me as well. I consider myself a fun mom and have a great relationship with my children. Maybe they are a bit dependent on me and I do give them all the space they want but why is it so bad if they want me in their lives?
I get there are teens that hate their mothers around because I was one of them but is there no such a thing as a teen that enjoys their moms company?


I think it's great they want you in their lives, but they should also be okay without. Your child should not be dependent on you. She should be happy and enjoy having you around and also be okay separating.

When my DD's friends come I will shmooze with them a bit, but then leave them to entertain themselves.

But this is a therapy session, and at some point your DD needs to be able to explore why she's there and what she wants to achieve, on her own. You should live to 120, but you will not always be there to take care of her, she has to live her own life.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 12:44 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I think it's great they want you in their lives, but they should also be okay without. Your child should not be dependent on you. She should be happy and enjoy having you around and also be okay separating.

When my DD's friends come I will shmooze with them a bit, but then leave them to entertain themselves.

But this is a therapy session, and at some point your DD needs to be able to explore why she's there and what she wants to achieve, on her own. You should live to 120, but you will not always be there to take care of her, she has to live her own life.


Your approach seems very nice but you are forgetting she is still a child trying to navigate an extremely complicated situation. Its not something I can help her figure out which is why I took a therapist.
My dd has been through hell with this situation she needs me right now more then ever and that should be allowed, I didnt think I wont be allowed in the room and if my dd felt comfortable id be happy to leave but on the other hand I am paying all this money id like to learn the tools as well so I can help my dd along since most of the time the complaints are coming to me and I dont know waht else to do to help her.
I reached out for help so I can get her the tools and was very clear in advance that we the parents are seeking for guidance as well.
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blessedflower




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 1:05 pm
I just want to say OP, good for you for sticking up for your dd and making sure she is getting help that is actually helpful. You sound like an amazing mom
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Mar 15 2021, 1:47 pm
blessedflower wrote:
I just want to say OP, good for you for sticking up for your dd and making sure she is getting help that is actually helpful. You sound like an amazing mom


Really appreciate your kind words. Its beyond frustrating when we reach out for help and pay money we hardly have to have me wondering if whats going on is even normal.
We need a compassionate understanding therapist willing to work with us together and not trying hard to break family apart while at it. Id hate for her to poison my daughters mind.
Maybe I should call relief and find out whats normal.
Im hearing so many therapy horror stories lately of therapists taking advantage of vulnerable situations, Id love to protect my dd and would hate to pay this money for a disaster.
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