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Favoritism from Aunt to one DC.. what to do? Poll Added
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Poll

Should I let my sister shower one child with attention 2+ times a week
Let sister spend as much time as she wants with favored dc  
 20%  [ 10 ]
Limit sister’s time to the one class that Is not a problem  
 44%  [ 22 ]
Work to find a better balance so favored child could benefit more from my sister’s attention  
 20%  [ 10 ]
Not let my sister spend any one in one time with favored dc  
 16%  [ 8 ]
Total Votes : 50


amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 04 2021, 11:20 pm
ra_mom wrote:
Why would she sneak off? What are they doing? How old is aunt, and how old is this younger dd?
k sister is in upper 20’s . Favored dd is 4. Yes I meant sneak off so older dd doesn't notice they are walking or whatever together.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 04 2021, 11:26 pm
So I think I will let them continue the one class since my other sister will be there also, and its not really one on one time since dd will be in the class the majority of time.

But any suggestions on how to let her down easy. She gets offended easy.

or if she is with the whole family and being to blatant in front of older dd.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Apr 04 2021, 11:39 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So I think I will let them continue the one class since my other sister will be there also, and its not really one on one time since dd will be in the class the majority of time.

But any suggestions on how to let her down easy. She gets offended easy.

or if she is with the whole family and being to blatant in front of older dd.


I’m going to be blunt. Your sister sounds like a selfish, nasty brat. Tell her to act like a Mentch or she can’t spend time with ANY of your children. You are your children’s only protector. You need to protect THEM, not protect your sister.
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amother




Lime
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 12:06 am
I am confused- sounds like your sister is taking your younger daughter to her extracurricular dance class- this would seem to be helpful to most mothers....?
Good luck it all sounds complex and more complicated than would seem to be.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 12:26 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
I am confused- sounds like your sister is taking your younger daughter to her extracurricular dance class- this would seem to be helpful to most mothers....?
Good luck it all sounds complex and more complicated than would seem to be.


yes on the surface it is helpful, but It could be not helpful if I have to spend more time trying to fix damage due to jealousy.
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amother




Lime
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 1:20 am
Tricky- we have extended family members who have offered to help drive to extracurriculars and babysit once a week and so on- we are grateful and consider us fortunate and if other kids were jealous we would explain it’s helpful to us and leaves us available for them. Does your older daughter want to do an extracurricular? Is that the issue? I would try to decharge the situation and make it about logistics. How old is your older daughter? Does this dynamic play out in other situations as well? While validating her feelings I would not give her so much power over the family unit and activities. That’s your call. And I wouldn’t give too much power to her feelings of jealousy I’d validate her feelings and then move on to another topic or otherwise help her get the tools to deal with jealousy while not playing into it. Like I’d let her have a friend over/play date while younger sister is at class. Bake cookies with them uninterrupted by younger stuff like that.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 4:32 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
Tricky- we have extended family members who have offered to help drive to extracurriculars and babysit once a week and so on- we are grateful and consider us fortunate and if other kids were jealous we would explain it’s helpful to us and leaves us available for them. Does your older daughter want to do an extracurricular? Is that the issue? I would try to decharge the situation and make it about logistics. How old is your older daughter? Does this dynamic play out in other situations as well? While validating her feelings I would not give her so much power over the family unit and activities. That’s your call. And I wouldn’t give too much power to her feelings of jealousy I’d validate her feelings and then move on to another topic or otherwise help her get the tools to deal with jealousy while not playing into it. Like I’d let her have a friend over/play date while younger sister is at class. Bake cookies with them uninterrupted by younger stuff like that.
the issue is dd want to know why her aunt does lots of activities with favored dd and not her. How would you validate her feeling? And what are the tools to deal with jealousy?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 12:12 pm
mommy3b2c wrote:
I’m going to be blunt. Your sister sounds like a selfish, nasty brat. Tell her to act like a Mentch or she can’t spend time with ANY of your children. You are your children’s only protector. You need to protect THEM, not protect your sister.
your bluntness is welcome. I just want to be nice to her WHILE protecting my children. I think it is just and proper to be nice to those who are mean to me/my kids if possible(admittedly challenging sometimes)
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amother




Green
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 1:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So I think I will let them continue the one class since my other sister will be there also, and its not really one on one time since dd will be in the class the majority of time.

But any suggestions on how to let her down easy. She gets offended easy.

or if she is with the whole family and being to blatant in front of older dd.


I don't know your sister. But if she offends easily and doesn't know how to play nice ... It's best to be evasive. Literally pretend she never offered anything and when she asks just be vague and nonconfrontational. "Oh it just won't work out"
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 05 2021, 7:27 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote:
I don't know your sister. But if she offends easily and doesn't know how to play nice ... It's best to be evasive. Literally pretend she never offered anything and when she asks just be vague and nonconfrontational. "Oh it just won't work out"
Thanks
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Apr 07 2021, 10:27 pm
I dont know why this is so hard for me, where is my backbone? My sister wants to take favored dc to the park on a Sunday. I don't want her to, I’m going to deny the request. What should I say. I feel like I need reassurance because my sister is just not getting the picture.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Apr 14 2021, 8:12 pm
Ok, I have a newquestion. The favoritism from my sister can not be covered up realistically. What do I tell oldest dd so that she can process this in a healthy way. I mean I understand my sister is just not capable of treating them equally right now. But I don't want to end up saying anything negative about my sister inadvertently while trying to give my dd strength. What should I tell oldest dd?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Apr 18 2021, 7:52 am
Is it ok to just lie to oldest dd about the one class that aunt does with favored dd? Like say “it is a therapeutic class for her” what do you think? Or just tell oldest dd the truth and say that we don't always get equal things?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, May 10 2021, 2:35 pm
Hi everyone,

As an update, we have gone on a couple family outings and my older daughter is asking to spend time with her aunt. I want to protect my daughter while trying not to shine a negative light on my sister. Would it be ok to tell her that her aunt does not feel well now, and she needs time and space now to feel better. I feel that this is a vague truth that lets her know that it is not her fault her aunt doesn't want to do xyz with her.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, May 10 2021, 2:58 pm
Also I think she is in abetter place than she was last year, so I am hopefull that one day if she keeps working on herself she may behave more normal. So I want to stay positive to breed more positivity.
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