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Dependent child in their 20s, living at home, how much money
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 2:16 pm
How much money is a fair amount to give a dependent child in their 20s, living at home, but on their own with food and other things they may want?

They dont have rental expenses, or other major expenses because theyre living at home but separately.
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amother




Puce
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 2:23 pm
At home but alone? Like in a basement apartment or something? Is child working/ earning anything? Or are you the sole source of income and ok with that? What are his/ her expenses?
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 2:53 pm
Are they able to work at all, or are they entirely dependent on you for their income?

If they are unable to work, are they eligible for any government grants?

Beyond food, what exactly are you planning on covering? Just clothes and other essentials? Leisure activities? Cell phone? Car?

My normal advice when planning a budget is to review it every few months. Initially you may find that some things were wrongly estimated, and the budget may need to be adjusted up or down. As time goes by, fixed expenses may change.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:00 pm
Elfrida wrote:
Are they able to work at all, or are they entirely dependent on you for their income?

If they are unable to work, are they eligible for any government grants?

Beyond food, what exactly are you planning on covering? Just clothes and other essentials? Leisure activities? Cell phone? Car?

My normal advice when planning a budget is to review it every few months. Initially you may find that some things were wrongly estimated, and the budget may need to be adjusted up or down. As time goes by, fixed expenses may change.


No car, and cellphone is covered.

I want to know whats normal for food and other asst small expenses for one person, monthly.
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amother




Puce
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:04 pm
Sounds like they have no expenses at all - you furnish them with wardrobe etc.? No bills. So you are basically giving an allowance to go out to dinner with friends and that kind of stuff?
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:13 pm
It sounds to me like they are living in a basement apartment, you pay for the cell phone/car/gas/electric... but they are independent in living their day to day-need food and clothing/date/walking around money. I assume they are in college/learning..... and that is why they don’t have an income of their own.
My DD is full time in college (out of state). We pay her tuition, room and board, cell phone..... she is currently on a meal plan but goes to the supermarket to supplement. We give her an allowance if $50/month. Next year, she will be off campus and will be buying food (other than what we send up with her). I will need to assess what it realistically costs, as food will be more expensive than I pay, but she will not be buying much in the way of meat.
I will probably have her estimated her food costs for 2 months and go from there.
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:14 pm
Duplicate
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:17 pm
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
Sounds like they have no expenses at all - you furnish them with wardrobe etc.? No bills. So you are basically giving an allowance to go out to dinner with friends and that kind of stuff?

You seem to have issues with that. I’m sorry your childhood/Young Adult years didn’t look like that. It really is a lovely privilege and a gift to be able to give your children.
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amother




Pink
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:21 pm
You need to make a list of expenses and then figure out how much is needed based on that. Off the top of my head (other than food, which will vary greatly depending on whether they are cooking for themselves or not):

Clothing/Shoes
Toiletries and other household essentials (soap, tissues, toilet paper...)
Haircuts or other grooming
Transportation - you mentioned no car. Are there busses, ubers, taxis, etc?
Medical expenses?

Do you want to be paying for things like leisure activities and books, music, etc. or just for essentials?
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amother




Violet
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:34 pm
Can you ask your child to take a first stab at a budget and then you can see if you think the types of expenses and amounts are reasonable?

Hard to give you a dollar amount without knowing a lot more about your family. For example, some people might consider it normal for a student to buy coffee out and buy takeout for lunch and dinner every day, spending $30-40 per day. For other people, that would be a luxury that they would consider unreasonable on a daily basis.
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amother




Puce
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 3:39 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
You seem to have issues with that. I’m sorry your childhood/Young Adult years didn’t look like that. It really is a lovely privilege and a gift to be able to give your children.


I've no problem with how other people spend their money. I've no problem with OP. My parents paid for my college education and supported me fully so long as I was a student. Don't know where you got the thought of any bitterness from me.

I am simply trying to determine what she is asking because I don't understand the question really. It's not clear if there are other money sources or what this child's living expenses, if any, are. Seems ridiculous to answer without that information. If OP is already paying for everything and this is just fun money, then you simply determine how much fun you can afford to and want to fund your child and give them that amount. Done.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:29 pm
This dependent child isnt going to school and isnt working and isnt going out with friends (and has no plans to do any of those, despite years of therapy, because of social issues that never got resolved unfortunately). So most likely this dependent child, bright and all, will be dependent for life.

Money is used to buy food, and an occasional gadget.

How much is sensible to cover all food, and an occasional gadget, not cheap and not extravagant, for one person, who is not socializing and not into clothing at all, on a monthly basis?
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amother




Khaki
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This dependent child isnt going to school and isnt working and isnt going out with friends (and has no plans to do any of those, despite years of therapy, because of social issues that never got resolved unfortunately). So most likely this dependent child, bright and all, will be dependent for life.

Money is used to buy food, and an occasional gadget.

How much is sensible to cover all food, and an occasional gadget, not cheap and not extravagant, for one person, who is not socializing and not into clothing at all, on a monthly basis?


$150-200
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amother




Blush
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:39 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This dependent child isnt going to school and isnt working and isnt going out with friends (and has no plans to do any of those, despite years of therapy, because of social issues that never got resolved unfortunately). So most likely this dependent child, bright and all, will be dependent for life.

Money is used to buy food, and an occasional gadget.

How much is sensible to cover all food, and an occasional gadget, not cheap and not extravagant, for one person, who is not socializing and not into clothing at all, on a monthly basis?


I don't know your exact situation, but it depends if you're ok with the child continuing to live off of you, or you want to push them to earn some money. $150 is doable. If they're able to earn some money with encouragement and motivation, $100 is enough that they can eat but they'll want to go earn more.
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amother




Khaki
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:40 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
$150-200


I wrote this but reading back- is DC preparing all own food? Won’t be eating dinners/Shabbos with u occasionally? It’s too little
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:40 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
$150-200


$200 divided by 30, is $6.66.

$6.66 a day for 3 meals and snacks, and an occasional gadget, is probably too little.

But Thanks!!!! because this open discussion is very helpful for DH and I because were getting lots of opinions.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:47 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
$200 divided by 30, is $6.66.

$6.66 a day for 3 meals and snacks, and an occasional gadget, is probably too little.

But this open discussion is very helpful for DH and I because were getting lots of opinions.


I don't know. Its fifty dollars a week. That seems a fair enough budget for food, especially if they will be eating Shabbos meals with you. If they are making Shabbos you might want to add a bit. But initially it's going to be a case of trial and error. You know what food costs where you live. If you don't think $200 is enough, start with a budget of $250 or $300 and see how it goes.
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amother




Khaki
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 6:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
$200 divided by 30, is $6.66.

$6.66 a day for 3 meals and snacks, and an occasional gadget, is probably too little.

But Thanks!!!! because this open discussion is very helpful for DH and I because were getting lots of opinions.


Yep I went back and wrote that it’s too little. $15 a day is prob good. Cereal and milk cost very little but that leaves room from a slice of pizza for lunch and a proper protein and fresh veggies for dinner plus snacks
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amother




Puce
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 7:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This dependent child isnt going to school and isnt working and isnt going out with friends (and has no plans to do any of those, despite years of therapy, because of social issues that never got resolved unfortunately). So most likely this dependent child, bright and all, will be dependent for life.

Money is used to buy food, and an occasional gadget.

How much is sensible to cover all food, and an occasional gadget, not cheap and not extravagant, for one person, who is not socializing and not into clothing at all, on a monthly basis?


I'm sorry. That must be so painful as a parent.

Assuming you are not looking for a tough-love approach where you are giving only just enough to barely scrape by in hope of inspiring change, and actually want your child to feel comfortable and fully supported, I'd say $350-$400-ish/ month. If this child eats very simply then it may be more than necessary, but it might be nice for them to save a little each month and have a little nest egg. Although things may not be so good right now, you never know. The time might come one day when this child will choose to expand his/her horizons and some extra money will come in handy.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 06 2021, 7:47 pm
OP, I think that if you had made it clear at the beginning, that your adult child is impaired somewhat, and cannot work or learn, you would probably have gotten answers that would have felt less judgmental.

I think that because there are a lot of posts here about mama's boys, who get married and then never want to work, or have low paying low advancement jobs - it's triggering for a lot of people. I can see how it would be easy to project that you are enabling somehow.

Now we know that this is not the case, and you want your adult child to feel a degree of dignity and independence. That is very admirable!

If you can afford it, I would tend to start out on the generous side. If there is money left over at the end of the month, encourage your child to put it in a savings account. That's another level of responsibility that can help with self esteem.
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