Anxiety due to anaphylaxis

amother

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 6:47 pm

I have been feeling really anxious since my child had an anaphylaxis reaction last week. I am not a person who is prone to anxiety bH...in general I'm the opposite of an anxious person. But this issue is causing me so much anxiety that I feel drained from energy. I am also dealing with guilt for not being more careful.

My child is at an age that he can literally put anything in his mouth. Last week I found him fishing out an empty tuna can from the garbage (he is allergic to fish). I have several times found him with his face in a discarded yogurt cup. (He is allergic to dairy.) I have to watch him every second.

I am trying to educate myslef on the subject but I find that even reading about it causes me anxiety.

How do other mothers of children with allergies deal with the anxiety?

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:10 pm

I have two children that are anaphylactic . When they were toddler age, I kept pantry locked with hook and eye and garbage on a tall surface. I only sent to a babysitter in small group setting that could accommodate my / their needs. It was stressful but as they grow up it becomes easier. Attending school for the first year or so for each was scary. Sending one to camp this summer ( after delaying too many years) ... There are always new stages. As a naturally nervous person I try to prep myself, my child and anyone responsibly for him/ her as best I can and then it’s a fervent prayer on mg lips because there’s only so much I can control.

amother

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 8:09 pm

Thank you.
I actually don't know what "number" his allergies are. I didn't know there were numbers.
The only allergen I never bring into the house is peanuts.
The other allergens are main food groups in my family, so cutting them out would be tough. I need to find out what number they are.

amother

Jade

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 8:15 pm

(((Hugs))) It is so scary to experience that. Watched ANA twice on one of mine.

For now you have to watch carefully but when they get just a little bit older they will understand which foods hurt them and will be cautious on their own. My nephew who is still 3 now understands on his own.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 9:18 pm

Maybe I'm lucky that my allergic child is not one of those babies who are constantly putting stuff in their mouths. But since he was 4-5 months old, every time he was on the floor we kept reiterating "please don't put food in your mouth without permission." Believe it or not, before his first birthday he was already asking for permission when he found food on the floor. He doesn't touch the trash but we do have a bin that can be locked. We keep talking about his allergies and discussing which foods he can't eat (since the list is huge, we composed a song.) At 18 months old he was already able to list some of the items that he's allergic to.
I also had a young toddler when allergy kid was a newborn and we kept reinforcing that all food must be eaten at the table and hands and faces must be washed after eating. Little kids learn fast.
I find that by talking about it often, they figure things out quicker. I explain to the kids that allergy kid gets a different snack or different type of cookie because he's allergic to the regular ones. We discuss why we can't cook certain foods in the house because of allergy kid. Etc.
OP, we also can't take all of the allergens out of the house because other people need to eat. We only removed the allergens that cause airborne reactions. But because we talk about, and enforce, eating at the table and washing well after eating, we've managed to avoid major reactions at home Baruch Hashem.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 9:44 pm

Lots of hugs. It will get easier in some ways. The anxiety is real and it’s hard. It helps to talk about it. For me, whenever my kids have had anaphylactic reactions, I tend to go to “deep calm” in the midst of things, until they are stable and safe BH. Then around 2-3 days later, I kind of lose it for a bit. It’s important to let yourself feel it. I usually end up crying.

For me, making sure the epis are always in-date and accessible helps a lot. When they were little, I also put their allergy action plans on our refrigerator door. And practiced with expired epis (on oranges or paper towels) so that I could feel more comfortable with potentially administering epi.

Hang in there. And if you can find a fellow allergy mom or two to talk to IRL, it can help.

amother

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:20 pm

Thank you all.
This is helpful.
I relate to the deep calm in the moment and falling apart afterwards. I didn't cry or fall apart, but it hit me like 2 days later and I think I had a bit of PTSD. I'm feeling very lethargic and anxious, and I think it's because of what happened.

I feel that I need to be more educated but I find it very difficult to read the literature. It makes me very anxious. Does anyone relate to that??

It doesnt help that I came across an article today (by chance) which spoke about a 20 something year old woman who mistakenly ate a peanut infused pretzel and is today a parapalegic who can only communicate with her eyes. Sad

amother

Mint

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I got him tested, both skin and blood, and the allergist provided me with a copy of his results. The skin test is ranked 0-4+, where 0 means not allergic and 4-4+ means severely allergic with probable anaphylaxis. Airborne allergies generally don’t develop until around age 2, but I banned the 4 and 4+ foods from my house at 15 months.

amother

Mint

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Have a long talk with you allergist about how allergies work. That’s what I did, and I feel much more confident and relaxed. Being in the dark added to my anxiety.

amother

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 10:51 pm

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Have a long talk with you allergist about how allergies work. That’s what I did, and I feel much more confident and relaxed. Being in the dark added to my anxiety.

I have spoken to him. Its hard to absorb everything when its given over at the office.
Some imas here have referred me to read different things which I find overwhelming.
I think just the topic overwhelms me because subconsciously I am in denial about it.

Frumwithallergies

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 11:18 pm

I hear you, OP!
Creating a support group IRL may help you process the trauma. Watching your child anaphylax is terrifying. We are supposed to protect our children, but we cannot carry them every day for the rest of their lives.

We moved dairy to a particular part of the fridge and educated our non-dairy allergy children to be very careful. We have eliminated some allergens completely (bamba is fed to one particular child off-premises, so that we avoid contact for the other children.

I sent meals to school despite protests just so that I could control what my child ate (since the daycare could not guarantee allergen-free food). And I have avoided sending my kids to sleep-away camp as well, because of horror-stories.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 11:31 pm

Just to add—it can be very hard to have a conversation with a doctor at appointments with kids to be watched. Now that telehealth is so much more common than it was pre-covid, maybe you could get a telehealth appointment and be able to schedule a time to speak with him/her in circumstances in which things are calmer and it’s easier to focus and have that convo.

amother

Wheat

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 7:54 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

I agree with this. It's much easier to focus on what the doctor is saying when I'm in my own house.
I also keep a running list of questions. Whenever I have a question I add it to the list so I'm prepared when I talk to the doctor.

amother

Emerald

Tue, Apr 13 2021, 2:01 pm

My 18 year old son is anaphylatic to dairy, nuts, and peanuts (and used to be off eggs too). When he was little he wasn't into my garbage. As he is the oldest, there wasn't much food on the floor that wasn't from him.
My other kids are taught at a very young age that they have to sit still to eat anything he's allergic to and wash up when they are done and pick up anything they dropped.
That said, can you wash or rinse the tuna and yogurt containers before putting in the garbage? It's more work, but reduces your anxiety and stress if you see him with the can/container.

bnm

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:28 am

Kept the garbage can behind a child safety gate. Tried not to bring in his allergen as much as possible- I even switched milk types in my coffee in case he grabs my cup. Whenever I fed the other kids that kid was in a booster seat and couldn't reach their food. He was only allowed out once it was wiped away. I knew where the Benadryl and Epipen was at all times. Certain snacks the other kids only got for school.

amother

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:45 am

bnm wrote:

I think part of the reason why I feel this anxiety is that all you Imas sound so organized and on top of things, whereas Im not so together, and won't always remember to wipe, rinse, put away etc. Immediately...

A few months ago, one of my kids drank chocolate milk and left his cup half full on a chair. I saw it but didn't spill it out right away. The baby went over to the chair, knocked over the cup and started licking the chocolate milk from the floor. I was in the next room but got there a minute later just in time to catch him vomiting his whole breakfast, and then break out in hives. It happened so fast.

By nature I'm just not so organized. That's why I feel so helpless, like it's just a matter of time until the next one... Sad

(I do know where the benadryl and EpiPen are, and I've gotten much more careful about not going anywhere without the epipen. I also am more on top of controlling the chocolate milk situation- dont let my kids take alone, etc.)

bnm

Wed, Apr 14 2021, 12:53 am

I am not organized. I am not neat. I had to be. My older kids knew that after they eat stuff has to get thrown out. I really tried hard not to serve food he was allergic to- they would get dairy yogurt with straws while waiting for the bus and he got almond or whatever. My older kids liked the sweeter almond yogurts too so sometimes I just bought the more expensive option so everyone can eat the same type. I might have turned into a bit of a control freak to combat the anxiety. I didn't let him leave my sight by Chanukah parties, simchas or any place food was served.