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Feeling sad about this month
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:19 pm
hi, I just wanted to vent..
im in my 20s bh married a year with a baby... I was so looking forward to going out for dinner with my dh tonight for rosh chodesh. I checked our bank account and our landlords just put our check through for this month and we'd be left with 50$ in the account so we had to cancel Sad

im feeling really upset that every month were left with nothing after expenses. were not financially supported and things add up. we barely got wedding money we have about 19k in savings which we try not to touch but we dipped into it for rent this month. I feel bad that I started to doubt wanting to give maaser money

how are we going to have more kids with this type of income. my dh is a yeshiva guy with no HS diploma.

were yeshivish so my q is for sure a brazen one Sad
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:22 pm
Ask a Rav about maaser

You are yeshivish as in your Dh is learning? Perhaps he should be studying also so that he can have a good parnossah in the future.

Do you live in Lakewood? I am happy to contribute towards dinner, you can pm me.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:26 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
Ask a Rav about maaser

You are yeshivish as in your Dh is learning? Perhaps he should be studying also so that he can have a good parnossah in the future.

Do you live in Lakewood? I am happy to contribute towards dinner, you can pm me.


Thank you so much,we live in NY. I wish my dh was learning, he started working as soon we got married bc we werent being supported

I just feel guilty complaining about money bc we technically have 19k in savings its our wedding money and whatever money I had from babysitting in HS.

Im a mean wife today
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:27 pm
on top of that ! I started going to pelvic PT bc I have pain/discomfort after intimacy and its a lot of money which medicaid doesnt cover and I already have the next 7 sessions scheduled which is 700$.

just complainin. and my dh asked his rav if I could use my maaser money for pelvic pt and he said we cant bc were not suffering
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:28 pm
also, im just putting it out there on this thread since im complaining anyway, but I had a really hard shana rishona and I wish I was like e/o else living in a beautiful apartment in ramat eshkol. (I know im being irrational im just writing my thoughts out)
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:29 pm
Sounds really tough!
I've been in a similar situation and it's so hard and painful and can be embarrassing.
Pelvic therapy- how many months postpartum are you?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:33 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
Sounds really tough!
I've been in a similar situation and it's so hard and painful and can be embarrassing.
Pelvic therapy- how many months postpartum are you?



my baby will be 12 weeks tm iyh. but I couldnt even be with my husband mikvah night it hurt too much
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:39 pm
Number one before the money you need a rav that understands couples in 2021.

If you give me the name of your rav I'll call him up and have a nice educational schmooze with him.

Things that make me sad about your rav-

1. You can definitely give maser and then use it for personal expenses until you are owning your own home which means after you finished paying mortgage.
This is according to any posek that I asked but there's more here that bothers me-

2. He said you aren't suffering? How can he say such a thing when you're clearly suffering?

Does he know the situation?
More importantly, does he understand the situation?

You should be able to go out and enjoy with your husband and be youthful.

I hope you get the hadracha that you deserve.
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Genius




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:39 pm
Having no money sucks. You are entitled to your bad day when your plans didn’t pan out. Even if you have 19k in savings. Wrap yourself in a blanket and sulk on the couch for a bit. You deserve it.
I hope I’m not being insensitive (I’ve become paranoid here)
Don’t rush to stop giving maser. This is one area where Hashem lets us test him. My income doubled when I started giving chomesh (1/5 of my income). And so did many of my friends’.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:41 pm
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
Number one before the money you need a rav that understands couples in 2021.

If you give me the name of your rav I'll call him up and have a nice educational schmooze with him.

Things that make me sad about your rav-

1. You can definitely give maser and then use it for personal expenses until you are owning your own home which means after you finished paying mortgage.
This is according to any posek that I asked but there's more here that bothers me-

2. He said you aren't suffering? How can he say such a thing when you're clearly suffering?

Does he know the situation?
More importantly, does he understand the situation?

You should be able to go out and enjoy with your husband and be youthful.

I hope you get the hadracha that you deserve.


lol hes kind of old school sefardi
I told my dh to call his rav from israel

my night is ruined bc we cancelled the appt. I came to my parents and my mom didnt know we were staying for dinner so were on rations lol.


also im feeling bad about my body and its not like I can get pizza or something cheap
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:42 pm
Genius wrote:
Having no money sucks. You are entitled to your bad day when your plans didn’t pan out. Even if you have 19k in savings. Wrap yourself in a blanket and sulk on the couch for a bit. You deserve it.
I hope I’m not being insensitive (I’ve become paranoid here)
Don’t rush to stop giving maser. This is one area where Hashem lets us test him. My income doubled when I started giving chomesh (1/5 of my income). And so did many of my friends’.


thx. whats chomesh? I give 10% of my paycheck. isnt that what were supposed to do?
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Genius




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:45 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
thx. whats chomesh? I give 10% of my paycheck. isnt that what were supposed to do?

20%. It’s counterintuitive but it’s the only segula I believe in bc I see it works.
My sister does it. The guy who does my husbands books started doing it too bc he saw the numbers.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:47 pm
Genius wrote:
20%. It’s counterintuitive but it’s the only segula I believe in bc I see it works.
My sister does it. The guy who does my husbands books started doing it too bc he saw the numbers.


oh cool never heard about that.
my dh in yeshiva gave 18% of whatever he made but now only gives 10%. its still adds up
yikes now im feeling even more guilty
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:48 pm
Sushi? That does it for me sometimes Smile
Maybe watch a good movie together or play a fun game.

You are totally allowed to feel how you feel. Do something productive afterward to get rid of the bad feelings (exercise? Organize? Watch a comedy?)
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Genius




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:50 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
oh cool never heard about that.
my dh in yeshiva gave 18% of whatever he made but now only gives 10%. its still adds up
yikes now im feeling even more guilty

You’re crazy? Don’t feel guilty. You absolutely don’t have to. It’s a segula like hanging a pic of reb shayala or putting zeroa in pockets. Absolutely not mandatory.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:53 pm
Dear op I'm sorry you are in a hard situation:(
You should know, it's pretty simple for your husband to get his ged through a community college. I thinks it's free. That might open more doors for him financially
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:59 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
Dear op I'm sorry you are in a hard situation:(
You should know, it's pretty simple for your husband to get his ged through a community college. I thinks it's free. That might open more doors for him financially


hes looking into trade school but doesnt start till next september iyh
his first language isnt english :/
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 1:15 am
we decided to either go out tom night even for ice cream maybe
or maybe ill make a nice supper....next month is a new chodesh iyh Smile
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 1:30 am
Btdt too many times

We would stop at pizza shop and realize after paying all bills we had -15 instead of 50
Many times we didnt have oil on the coldest days and guys in my husbands collel chipped in to fill tank

Can you pm me a name of restaurant near you and I will call them up and pay

Then when you can you can do this for someone else
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 5:24 am
Do you not have any credit cards? If I stopped buying things every time my checking account was empty then I would never buy anything 🤣.
Second, it’s great that you have $19k in savings! That’s a good down payment in many places.
Do you have a plan for month to month until your dh stops kollel to make sure you don’t keep dipping in?
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