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amother




Peach
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 5:48 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
also, im just putting it out there on this thread since im complaining anyway, but I had a really hard shana rishona and I wish I was like e/o else living in a beautiful apartment in ramat eshkol. (I know im being irrational im just writing my thoughts out)


Living in Israel (unsupported) is sooo much harder than anything you can imagine. And my dh brings in a full time (Israeli) wage. I work too. We haven’t been on a date in about four years! We’ve never bought each other gifts or presents. Not travelled home in two years. We live off the bare minimum and don’t have 19k in savings. We got a couple of thousand dollars in support which obviously got us nowhere...
Don’t kid yourself by thinking the grass is greener on the other side. It just looks that way!
(I’m not complaining, just illustrating how life can be here)
I’m so sorry you’re going through a hard time. I really understand!! My marriage has always been a difficult one, so I hear you when you say you had a difficult first year. It’s okay to complain and be upset right now. Just make sure you pick yourself back up and perhaps seek advice on where you could do things differently. Daven and iyh things will change! Good luck
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English3




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 5:54 am
I would encourage you to continue giving maaser it brings brocha in the money. Take it as a challenge to find entertainment for free. Some people love being frugal pretend you are one of them this month😊. Is act of service your love language or quality time? Sometimes finding something else in your line can satisfy as well.
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bk2cuties




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 7:30 am
notshanarishona wrote:
Do you not have any credit cards? If I stopped buying things every time my checking account was empty then I would never buy anything 🤣.

I'm sorry you have to do this, but please don't advise OP to spend money she doesn't have!
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Sesame




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 7:39 am
bk2cuties wrote:
I'm sorry you have to do this, but please don't advise OP to spend money she doesn't have!


Agreed. It has the potential to cause a lot of harm.
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amother




Cyan
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 8:54 am
I’ve been there, OP. My husband and I lived in public housing at one point and STILL couldn’t afford our incredibly reduced rent. It was so hard. But things will get better iyh!
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 9:16 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
Things that make me sad about your rav-

1. You can definitely give maser and then use it for personal expenses until you are owning your own home which means after you finished paying mortgage.
This is according to any posek that I asked but there's more here that bothers me-

That's one psak. I wouldn't call it 'definite,' that's controversial. I mean, if someone buys a super luxurious apartment and takes a 40-year mortgage, would they not have a chiyuv of maaser during that time?

Also, 'personal expenses' is a big category and not everything can be paid with maaser. Eg expenses that are due to other mitzvot (mikva, support for minor children, teaching a child Torah, etc).

I agree that it's worth asking about, since there are kulot that people might not know about. But OP's rav doesn't need educating on this particular topic just because he disagrees with your posek. There's a very wide range of valid halachic opinions here.
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 9:23 am
It's really rough, OP, sorry.

Honestly it's very impressive that you're successfully supporting yourself and a baby without dipping into savings much. A lot of people don't manage that.

It's normal for things to be very hard as a young couple in your first job(s). The question is what room you have for growth in terms of income. Is your dh doing the type of work that can lead to better jobs/higher income later on? Are you? If not - I wouldn't panic, but I would start thinking about how you can get onto a more promising career track. Getting a university degree tends to help, but there's also a lot you can learn independently without spending much.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 10:10 am
Op can you move to a cheaper area? That might free up some cash.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:08 am
notshanarishona wrote:
Do you not have any credit cards? If I stopped buying things every time my checking account was empty then I would never buy anything 🤣.

I do not have credit cards. I don’t have enough in my account and guess what: that’s exactly what I’m doing now: not buying a thing. Hoping to be able to pay the bills later this month.

Please don’t get into debt now, OP. It’s frustrating not to be able to go out to eat, but really really not worth to put onto the credit card. It’s a very very slippery slope especially if there’s no real plan how to pay it back.
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 11:17 am
Genius wrote:
20%. It’s counterintuitive but it’s the only segula I believe in bc I see it works.
My sister does it. The guy who does my husbands books started doing it too bc he saw the numbers.

Just chiming in here to say that this has been the case for us too.

Here's our total income on tax returns (we declare everything even cash):

2014 - $30,487
2015 - $43,362 - this is the year we got serious about giving maaser
2016 - $45,979
2017 - $52,770
2018 - $62,508
2019 - $62,400
2020 - $110,681 - this is the year we started giving chomesh
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amother




Wheat
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 2:14 pm
This is not really on topic but im just curios, where do you all give your meiser to?
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amother




Hotpink
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 3:38 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Just chiming in here to say that this has been the case for us too.

Here's our total income on tax returns (we declare everything even cash):

2014 - $30,487
2015 - $43,362 - this is the year we got serious about giving maaser
2016 - $45,979
2017 - $52,770
2018 - $62,508
2019 - $62,400
2020 - $110,681 - this is the year we started giving chomesh


Wow this gave me chills! This is beautiful!
May HaShem continue rewarding you Smile
Unfortunately we’re in a bad place financially and I really don’t know if DH gives masser. I can ask him, he will say yes but I doubt he really does. (Obviously SB issues as well)
I wish I can take over financially and make sure to give masser. I know it’s gonna make us richer and not poorer but my hands are tied.
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syrima




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 3:51 pm
It's really hard to feel like the expenses are piling up and you can't treat yourself. Hopefully the PT is an investment in your future health as a wife and mother. Hope that goes well! Sounds like you were able to communicate with DH and find a reasonable alternative instead of just sulking. That's awesome!
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:03 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
Btdt too many times

We would stop at pizza shop and realize after paying all bills we had -15 instead of 50
Many times we didnt have oil on the coldest days and guys in my husbands collel chipped in to fill tank

Can you pm me a name of restaurant near you and I will call them up and pay

Then when you can you can do this for someone else


thank you so much, but not necessary Heart
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:05 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
Do you not have any credit cards? If I stopped buying things every time my checking account was empty then I would never buy anything 🤣.
Second, it’s great that you have $19k in savings! That’s a good down payment in many places.
Do you have a plan for month to month until your dh stops kollel to make sure you don’t keep dipping in?


my dh credit card is due the 1st of each month
we already have 650 to pay in 15 days bc he had to get a ton of cavities etc done
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:06 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
Op can you move to a cheaper area? That might free up some cash.


I wish we could move to lakewood where my friend pays 900$ for rent but as of now I have to be in NY for my license to finalize but we pay 1500 in rent which is considered cheap where we live
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:08 pm
amother [ Wheat ] wrote:
This is not really on topic but im just curios, where do you all give your meiser to?


hachnasas kallah, yeshivot, tomchei shabbos in queens, satmar bikur cholim...
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:10 pm
amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:
I do not have credit cards. I don’t have enough in my account and guess what: that’s exactly what I’m doing now: not buying a thing. Hoping to be able to pay the bills later this month.

Please don’t get into debt now, OP. It’s frustrating not to be able to go out to eat, but really really not worth to put onto the credit card. It’s a very very slippery slope especially if there’s no real plan how to pay it back.


my dad told me not to spend money we dont have so I try not to use credit card. only maybe like 100$ a month to build up some credit
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4thebooks




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:11 pm
Please don’t despair. There is hope.
I am posting a clip of Rabbi Naftali Horowitz whom I recently discovered and he’s amazing!! He had his own firm within JP Morgan chase and has been in the finance industry for a while. He’s got a lot of good insight.

https://youtu.be/rhHnnoNqPWc

Good luck!
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Apr 13 2021, 6:13 pm
ora_43 wrote:
It's really rough, OP, sorry.

Honestly it's very impressive that you're successfully supporting yourself and a baby without dipping into savings much. A lot of people don't manage that.

It's normal for things to be very hard as a young couple in your first job(s). The question is what room you have for growth in terms of income. Is your dh doing the type of work that can lead to better jobs/higher income later on? Are you? If not - I wouldn't panic, but I would start thinking about how you can get onto a more promising career track. Getting a university degree tends to help, but there's also a lot you can learn independently without spending much.


im a therapist I make an ok amount of money (contrary to common belief, speech therapists really dont make enough! my loans are close to 90k). I only get paid once a month at the end of the month for the previous month so I havent seen a paycheck in awhile and I also was on maternity leave for 6 weeks. were just ina tight spot for now until my paycheck comes in in 2 weeks...
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