Sending in DH after night weaning

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 7:34 am

Dd (nearly 6m) wakes a few times in the night (sometimes every 2 hours). After a few minute feed, she falls asleep immediately so she's not relying on those calories for nutrition. I want her to learn to connect her sleep cycles and stop this snack sleep association. She's already on solids.

We plan for DH to start going in, but what should be our approach? Should he pick her up? Just go in and shush her and pat? I just want to do what's going to help her best in the long run and not stretch out the process.

Also I've never let her escalate to crying before I went in. I've always gone in when she just whined/called out a little bit. Should we wait before sending DH in to see if she'll go to sleep on her own? I'm scared she'll just escalate to crying and it'll be harder to calm her.

I'm honestly just scared of sending in DH instead of me. She's going to be so upset when there isn't a breast for comfort. How long do you think it would take for her to get used to the idea that a breast is not necessary in middle of the night?

Has anyone done this?

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:03 am

My pediatrician says to send the father and have him just pat her back and say good night. We're here with you. You're safe. And wait. She will cry a lot but eventually get used to it.

Frumwithallergies

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:03 am

There is no perfect answer. I think it is more trial and trial (not trial and error).

DH going in to reassure and pat may be enough when she whines. See what happens with that, and whether that is enough to break the cycle of night time wakenings. Keep us posted!

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:09 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

My pediatrician says to send the father and have him just pat her back and say good night. We're here with you. You're safe. And wait. She will cry a lot but eventually get used to it.

Thanks! So to wait in there with her while patting her back? I think she'd just cry if someone came in and didn't pick her up, but I think she'll cry if he picks her up and it's not me anyway :'(

How many nights do you think this takes?

amother

Mustard

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:19 am

Can you read the sleep training book “12 hours by 12 weeks” and try implementing it?
It is a very gentle sensible sleep training method but it is easier to do with bottles rather than breastfeeding because it’s easier to keep track exactly how much they ate.

yOungM0mmy

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 9:48 am

I did this, but DS was 13 months old and definitely didnt need the night feeds. I'm not sending in a stranger, he's the child's father! DS was used to accepting the pacifier from my DH, there was never milk on offer, whereas if I went in, he would want milk and not accept the pacifier. Worked perfectly, still works, 6 months later when he occasionally wakes up in middle of the night Wink

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 10:24 am

Dd doesn't take pacifier.

I go in when I knew she's totally awake (can see on monitor she's up on hands and knees, looking up and calling). I guess I'm just scared she'll escalate and it's b"ah not difficult to soothe her when she hasn't yet escalated. (Put on breast for a couple of minutes. Put her down still awake.) It's just the constant waking that I'm trying to fix.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:21 am

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Don’t follow this book. It’s a terrible method.

amother

White

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:24 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why is putting on breast the only option. Can you just cuddle or rock or pat or shush her instead?

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:28 am

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

6 months is young. Wait a few months.
Always offer your baby a drink as they are possibly thirsty. Have water in sippy cup for dh to offer.

I abide by the thinking that babies this age shouldn't fill up on water. Breast milk has the liquid she needs. I don't want her to have less breast milk during the day because she filled up on water overnight.

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:31 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

Why is putting on breast the only option. Can you just cuddle or rock or pat or shush her instead?

Because unfortunately I've trained her to expect that. If I pick her up and don't give her my breast, she starts crying. I want to do the whole cuddle/rock/pat thing but thought it would be easier if DH went in bc he doesn't breastfeed her.

amother

White

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

There’s not a chance that would happen. Not a chance. If anything she’d drink an ounce or 2 and be angry the not BM and forget the whole thing. Offer it for don’t but Water is not ‘filling’ it’s hydrating.

amother

White

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It will be but she all be very angry. Is your DH able to handle that ?

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:34 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Just did this at 10 months. Wish I'd done it earlier but didn't want to wake my older ones. DH went in a couple of times but she was out within half an hour.

What did your DH do when he went in? Did he manage to calm her down? Around how long do you think it took to "stick" or does she still wake up?

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2021, 11:36 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

It will be but she all be very angry. Is your DH able to handle that ?

I think so Sad

but I feel like she'll be angrier if I put her back down without feeding her, no? If I thought it could work better if I did it, I'd totally do it myself. I just want to do whichever takes quicker and causes her less upset.